1.03 - What a Crockery

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Title What a Crockery Episode # Season 1, Episode 3 First aired September 17, 1998 Directed by Chris Graves Written by Robert Tapert Liz Friedman Hilary J. Bader (Teleplay) Summary Iolaus and Jason must return the chalice before Ares destroys Hercules. Ep 3 of 3.

FoxKids Spoilers

• Hera informs her favorite son, Ares (God of War), that because Hercules took her precious chalice, Zeus' protection order has been lifted. It's a race against time as Ares begins the destruction of Hercules, and Jason and Iolaus make a mad dash to return the chalice to Hera's cave before it's too late.
• After stealing Hera's chalice, Hercules loses the protection of Zeus, giving Ares (Kevin Smith) a chance to murder his hated brother by luring him to Alcmene's house.

TV Guide Promo

• Hercules steals a chalice from Hera and loses the protection of Zeus. Ares realizes this is his chance to finally kill Hercules.

Synopsis

Title card - End credits can be found here.

      Continued from 1.02 - Between Friends.

      Ares is in his temple, talking to Hera. She's upset about the theft of the chalice and wants the thief dead. Ares tells her that it was Hercules, who has Zeus's protection. Hera reveals that Zeus promised to her that anyone who stole the chalice is condemned to death, which means that the protection is void. Ares thanks his mother for the chance to destroy Hercules.

      Ares summons Strife, who is lounging on a couch and being fed grapes by hand by a beautiful woman. The woman yelps at seeing Ares, and with a wave of his hand Ares makes her vanish. Together they plot to get some pain, misery, and suffering out of the chalice before it can reach Zeus's Temple or get placed back into Hera's Cave.

      Hercules, Iolaus, and Jason are walking past the The Pond on their way to Zeus's temple. Hercules has the Chalice tucked under one arm, and they are talking about what Hercules should say to Zeus upon meeting him. Iolaus trips over a small watermelon, thus prompting a quick game of melonball. The game ends when Iolaus fails to catch the "ball", thus resulting in the melon smashing to the ground. Strife appears sitting in a tree and makes the Chalice vanish. Strife also warns Hercules about Hera's anger and "subtly" implies that the Chalice is now with Alcmene. Hercules, worried for his mother, runs off with Jason and Iolaus at his heels.

      Alcmene is tending her garden with her dog, Bear, when a man yelps off-screen: you hear the sounds of a man being thrown off a horse. Alcmene helps the cloaked stranger to his feet and remarks upon how calm her dog is being, "You must have a way with dogs." It is revealed that Ares is the one under the cloak.

      Alcmene admires the Chalice, polishing it with a rag while Ares eats, his arm in a sling. Ares continues to play the role of a traveling stranger, insisting that Alcmene should keep the Chalice despite her polite protests.

      Cut to Alcmene bring a tray of lemonade out to a picnic table in her front yard. She hears Hercules calling her name as Herc, Iolaus, and Jason run into frame. Seeing her in no danger, Jason assumes Strife was lying. Hercules confesses the theft to Alcmene, and she recognizes the Chalice.

      Ares, clad back in his usual black leather, strolls outside of the house, holding the Chalice. Alcmene is shocked, and Iolaus and Jason seem to be seeing him for the first time. Outraged, Alcmene begins to yell at Ares, but he traps her in a force-field, restricting her voice and movements. Hercules asks him what he wants, and Ares replies, "to see you suffer." Ares explains that Hercules no longer is covered under Zeus's protection, and now Ares can destroy him... and he wants Alcmene to watch. Alcmene manages to break free of the force-field long enough to kick Ares in the shin and run away from him. Ares loses his hold on the chalice and it goes flying into Jason's and Iolaus's hands. Hercules runs over to his mother. They dive in different directions to avoid getting hit by a lightning blast from Ares.

      Hercules tells Iolaus and Jason to take the chalice back to Hera's Cave, and they take off running. Ares captures Hercules, but loses his grip when Alcmene slams a plate into his back. Hercules flips Ares into the picnic table, smashing it to pieces, before grabbing his mother and running inside. Ares laughs, content to let the fight be delayed, and drinks some of Alcmene's lemonade.

      Strife appears, eager to destroy Hercules and Alcmene, but Ares stops him, "Young gods are always in such a rush." Ares explains that there's an art to torturing mortals, and convinces Strife to wait.

      Alcmene is pacing her kitchen as Hercules peeks out the window. She tries to convince Hercules to make a run for it, but he refuses to leave her. She tells him that she's not the target of Ares's anger, and is afraid for Hercules's life without his father's protection. The entire house shakes, reminding them that Ares is outside waiting. Hercules apologizes to his mother for stealing the Chalice. She forgives him and again tells him to run, but Hercules refuses, going outside to face Ares.

      Jason and Iolaus climb the mountain to Hera's Cave. Iolaus is concerned that the Phoenix might come back, and then starts wondering if there was any gold in the cave that they missed, prompting Jason to say, "We're here to return this thing, Iolaus, not exchange it."

      Hercules bursts out of the house, filled with renewed spirit. Ares is more than willing to face him, and they continue their fight. Ares blocks Hercules's attacks while Strife cheers on the sidelines.

      Iolaus and Jason enter the cave, and Jason is suspicious about how easy it was to get back to the main part of the cave. Two Rock Guards come to life and begin to lumber towards Jason and Iolaus.

      Meanwhile, Ares is ranting about his hatred of Hercules. Hercules tries to fight back but Ares dodges his attacks, returning fire with hand-to-hand combat and energy bolts shooting from his hands. Strife cheers. Ares channels a large lightning bolt from the sky and Hercules blocks it with a large piece of the broken picnic table.

      Meanwhile, the guards continue to advance upon Jason and Iolaus, crossing their spears to block either cadet from getting to the pedestal to return the Chalice. Jason is unable to get past them. Iolaus ducks under the spears and runs towards the pedestal. In slow motion, Jason throws the Chalice to Iolaus like he had the melon earlier.

      Ares uses both hands to gather a GIANT crackling ball of lighting above his head, straight from the heavens. Hercules, helpless and laying on the ground, stares at him in scared defiance, while Strife cackles in the background.

      The Chalice flies through the air and Iolaus catches it, and places it back onto the pedestal. The Chalice glows and sends a beam of light upwards.

      Ares throws the lightning ball at Hercules, who winces, but the lightning dissipates before it can harm him. Ares screams at the heavens, demanding to know why Zeus is protecting Hercules again. Glaring at Hercules, Ares insists, "This isn't over, brother. I'll be back."

      "I'm counting on it," Hercules retorts, and both Ares and Strife vanish. Hercules gingerly gets back to his feet, obviously in a lot of pain, as Alcmene runs out of the house and hugs him.

      That night Hercules, Jason, and Iolaus are back at the Academy, cleaning plates in the kitchen. Hercules stumbles through expressing his gratitude to them for saving his life. "You know what I'm trying to say here?" "Yeah." One thing leads to another and the scene ends in an epic food fight between the boys.

Characters (in order of appearance)

• Hera
• Ares
• Strife
• The Phat Chick
• Hercules
• Jason
• Iolaus
• Alcmene
• Bear (dog)
• The Traveling Stranger
• Rock Guards

Characters (mention only)

• Zeus
• Cheiron

Places

• Ares's Temple
• Zeus's Temple - (mention only)
• The Pond
• Kora's Inn (mention only)
• Alcmene's Farm
• Hera's Cave
• Cheiron's Academy

Items

• Zeus's Chalice
• Hercules's Backpack
• Iolaus's Backpack
• Alcmene's Lemonade
• Rock Guards
  • More items from this episode...

Mythology

• Phoenix - (mention only)

Plot Arcs

• Zeus's Protection Order on Herc
• Pop Culture References and Greekisms
• Sports
• Hercules is 'The Responsible One'
• Ares's Desire To Kill Hercules

Other Pages

• Never Say Kill

Television Tropes

• Plot Tropes:
  • All Up To You

Quotes

Ares: I saw what you were warming up.

Strife: Yeah. Is she phat or what?
Ares: Fat? What, are you kidding me?
Strife: No, Uncle, not 'fat'. 'Phat'. She's a real Persephone, you know? Fly. Dope. Def... Groovy? Anyway, I was just--
Ares: Did I give you any indication that I care about your life?
Strife: No.

Ares: Then don't share it, please.

Ares: Question! Where is my mother's chalice?

Strife: Hercules has it?
Ares: And what is Hercules doing with it?

Strife: Accessorizing his personal space?

Ares: Well, Hercules? Your mother has spunk. I hate spunk.

Trivia & References

Continuity, Yay! - Alcmene telling The Traveling Stranger that he "must have a way with dogs" is an inside joke - Ares is definitely a dog person, and has a pet dog named Graegus who eats the bodies of dead soldiers.

Continuity Warning - Jason and Iolaus both act like they've never seen Ares before ("He's shorter than I thought." "Isn't he though?") even though they both met him in the Young Hercules (Movie Pilot). Also, the last time Jason saw Ares, Ares had just murdered Jason's father and stabbed Jason in the chest while pretending to be Jason's long-lost uncle - you'd think his reaction would be a bit stronger and more violent.

Guides, Scripts, Transcripts, & Reviews

• What a Crockery Shooting Draft
• What a Crockery Transcript (Dialogue Only)
• Whoosh.org's transcript.
• Whoosh.org's Episode Guide
• IMDB's Episode Guide
• TV.com's Episode Guide
• ShareTV's Episode Guide
• Watch the full episode online at Hulu.com.
• Ty's Reviews: 1.03- What a Crockery

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