1.06 - Teacher's Pests

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Title Teachers Pests Episode # Season 1, Episode 6 First aired September 22, 1998 Directed by Chris Graves Written by John Loy Summary Iolaus gets a job. Hercules and Jason have to cover for Iolaus's absence.

FoxKids Spoilers

• When Hercules, Iolaus, and Jason are placed in detention, Iolaus convince his friends to cover for him so that he won't miss his first day of waiting tables at Kora's. Just when Iolaus believes he has successfully gotten out of his academy chores, he turns to wait on his first customer, academy headmaster, Cheiron!
  
• After the three receive detention, Hercules and Jason try to cover for Iolaus, who must leave to start a new job at Kora's.

Synopsis

      Fade in on the cadets working on drills. Hercules and Jason are sparring and good-naturedly taunting each other until the bell rings. They put their weapons away, talking about their plans for the upcoming weekend. Hercules confesses that he could think of worse things than hanging out at the Academy over the weekend with no one else around, "Be nice and quiet." Jason jokes that Hercules should never plan one of his parties.

      The main doors of the Academy open and the cadets pour out, all joking with each other and celebrating the weekend as they leave. Fiducius walks by, carrying a large stack of scrolls in his arms. He doesn't look where he's going and a cadets run into Fiducius, knocking the scrolls and Fiducius to the ground. Fiducius yells at the cadets as they leave, picking up his scrolls.

      Iolaus is flirting at himself in the bathroom mirror as he preens, shirtless. Hercules and Jason walk in, clad only in towels, whistling as they catch sight of Iolaus. Hercules snaps his towel as Jason mocks Iolaus, "It smells like a satyr crawled in here and died!" Jason reaches up to muss Iolaus's hair and Iolaus slaps his hand away. Hercules asks Iolaus about his plans, and Iolaus claims to be getting ready for a date with Kora. Hercules and Jason don't believe him. Iolaus bets them that the last one out the gate buys breakfast. There is a rush of motion as the boys quickly get dressed, Jason strapping on his gauntlets as Hercules ties his undershirt and gauntlets and Iolaus fiddles with his belt.

      Fully dressed, Iolaus, Hercules, and Jason tumble out of the Academy doors, horsing around as they race towards the gate. Jason vaults over a water trough, Hercules flips over a horse, and Iolaus is yelling over his shoulder when he runs full-tilt into Fiducius. Fiducius is knocked backwards into another water trough, and the stack of scrolls goes flying again. Fiducius sits up in the trough, drenched and spouting water. Cheiron approaches, and the boys know they're in trouble.

      Hercules, Iolaus, and Jason stand single-file front-and-center, trying not to snicker as Fiducius paces in front of them and Cheiron watches. Fiducius tells them they're grounded for the weekend. Iolaus objects, but Fiducius ignores his protestations. Fiducius launches into a lecture and Iolaus mouths along, obviously having heard it before. Cheiron walks away, hiding a grin.

      Cut to the stables. Jason is shoveling dung while Iolaus tosses down bales of hay and Hercules stacks them on the ground. The boys are complaining about being stuck at the Academy, Iolaus most of all, complaining that he needs to make his date with Kora. Hercules and Jason still don't believe him, and Iolaus confesses that he's a busboy and this is his first day - if he doesn't show up, Kora will fire him for sure. He talks Hercules and Jason into covering for him while he's gone.

      Iolaus sneaks out of the Academy and makes a run for Kora's. Fiducius, carrying yet another huge stack of scrolls, does not see him go.

      Back at the stables, Jason is milking a goat while Hercules puts his boots sticking over the edge of the loft so that it looks like Iolaus is up there. Fiducius arrives to check on them and criticize their work. He starts going up the ladder to check on Iolaus, but Jason manages to squeeze a shot of goat's milk into Fiducius's eyes. While Fiducius is blinded, Hercules yells for "Iolaus" to "toss down a bale". Hercules pulls a hidden rope, releasing a bale from the loft and sending it tumbling down at their feet. Fiducius chides Iolaus and Hercules replies in falsetto out of the corner of his mouth. Fiducius leaves, muttering.

      Iolaus arrives at Kora's Inn, which is busy. Kora tells him he's late and that he'll be waiting tables today. She assigns him a table in the corner, where Cheiron is waiting for service. Iolaus grabs a hat from the rack near the door to disguise his hair and conceal his face.

      Hercules and Jason stand intimidated in front of a large wall covered in cubbieholes for scrolls. Fiducius dumps another pile of scrolls at their feet, telling them to file the scrolls in strict alphabetical order. Looking around for Iolaus, he asks the boys about Iolaus's wearabouts. Before Hercules can come up with a convincing lie, Jason claims that Iolaus went out to slop the hogs. Fiducius leaves to go check on Iolaus, and Hercules races to make it out to the pig pen before Fiducius gets there.

      Kora supervises her inn, and catches sight of Iolaus behaving oddly. In addition to the hat, Iolaus is carrying a tray piled high with dishes that he holds in front of him to conceal his face as he takes Cheiron's order. Cheiron asks about the oats, and Iolaus pinches his nose and speaks in a nasally high-pitched voice to avoid being recognized. Iolaus takes the menu back and hesitantly walks away, keeping the tray between him and Cheiron. Cheiron just shakes his head and grins.

      Hercules makes it to the pig pen first. He grabs a mop and throws himself into the mud. Buy the time Fiducius gets there, Hercules is covered in mud, kneeling in the pig pen to hide his height, and wearing the mop on his head to mimic Iolaus's long hair. He talks in a high-pitched voice to imitate Iolaus, and Fiducius doesn't seem to realize that it's Hercules in disguise.

      Back at the inn, Iolaus approaches Cheiron's table by walking backward, and Cheiron has to take the dish from Iolaus's tray with only minor assistance. His tray now empty, Iolaus uses it to hide his face as he walks away. Kora, who was watching the exchange, stops Iolaus as he walks pasts and demands to know why he's hiding from Cheiron. Iolaus scoffs, claiming that he's not hiding, until the owner of the hat goes looking for it and yanks it off of Iolaus's head. Cheiron calls for more water, and Iolaus - now without a disguise - ducks behind the counter, leaving Kora to fill Cheiron's glass.

      Jason is standing precariously on a bench, shoving scrolls into their proper slots. He loses his balance and an armful of scrolls fall to the ground. Hercules runs in, cleaned up from the pig pen incident. Jason asks him what happened, but Jason is quickly distracted by the scrolls in front of him. The scrolls are student records, and Jason had just dropped most of the F's. Jason quickly searches for the scroll for Fiducius's son Pythias, whom Fiducius had been bragging about all episode, to see if he was really such a hot-shot cadet.

      Jason finds the scroll and he and Hercules begin reading it, shocked to find incompletes and a suspension on the record, and no mention of graduation. Fiducius walks in on them red-handed and snatches the scroll away.

      The sun is rising as Cheiron leaves Kora's Inn, seemingly the last patron of the establishment. As soon as he's gone, Kora yanks Iolaus up from behind the counter. She tells him he's not fired, but his day's wages should just about cover his damages. She kicks him out until his shift next week and Iolaus leaves, calling her "Boss" affectionately. As he leaves the inn, he looks both ways for Cheiron so he doesn't get caught sneaking back into the Academy. Kora shakes her head, smiling.

      Sunrise over the Academy. Fiducius, speaking quietly and obviously guilt-ridden, tells Hercules and Jason about how his son started getting into scrapes, becoming wilder and wilder before he ran away. Fiducius explains that the reason he's so tough on the cadets is because he doesn't want them to follow the same path. He doesn't want to let them down the way he let his son down. Hercules tells Fiducius that he needs to stop blaming himself and let his son take responsibility for himself. Fiducius claims that it's not that easy, and Hercules says, "I would be the luckiest kid in the world if I had a father who cared about me as much as you care about him."

      Iolaus rushes in, breaking the moment. Fiducius turns on him but Hercules jumps to Iolaus's defense, explaining about Iolaus's job. Jason admits that he and Hercules said they'd do Iolaus's work, and Iolaus takes responsibility, "Don't blame them, it was my fault." Cheiron walks in, asking how the day went. Fiducius ponders for a moment, before admitting that they worked hard, "They're good boys." Fiducius leaves quickly, looking like he might break down.

      "Sometimes it's the teacher that learns the lesson," Cheiron states, about to leave. Then he calls Iolaus forward, and flips him a coin for his "tip", revealing that he had known Iolaus was his waiter. Cheiron leaves, and Iolaus gleefully flips his coin. Jason catches it. "You owe me," Jason says when Iolaus objects. Hercules pats Iolaus on the shoulder, "It's okay. He can buy you another dinner, all right?"

Characters (in order of appearance)

Hercules
Jason
Fiducious
Iolaus
Cheiron
Pythias (mention only)
Kora
Leonidas
Guy with the Goofy Hat

Places

Cheiron's Academy
Kora's Inn

Plot Arcs

AKAs
Jail or Cheiron's Academy
Cons, Pranks, and Practical Jokes
Pop Culture References and Greekisms

Quotes

Hercules: I can think of worse things than hanging out here with no one else around, you know? It'd be nice and quiet.
Jason: Remind me never to have you plan one of my parties.

Iolaus: We were just having a race.
Fiducius: It was a premeditated malicious attack on a despised authority figure!

Kora: Uh, what's with the hat?

Iolaus: Uh, well, I was just thinking, you know? What if all the waiters wore different goofy hats? You know? Wouldn't that be a cute gimmick?

Kora: We already have a cute gimmick. It's called "Serving the customers".

Guides, Scripts, Transcripts, & Reviews

• Whoosh.org's transcript.
• Watch the full episode online at Hulu.com.