Young Hercules (Movie Pilot) Transcript (Dialogue Only)

« Back to "Young Hercules (Movie Pilot)"

Young Hercules (Movie Pilot)

Hercules: Should have brought marshmallows.

~*~

Ares: Discord. How's King Aeson doing?

Discord: He grows weaker and weaker. Let me finish him off, Ares. Please. I haven't killed a monarch in centuries.

Ares: No, sister. We need him alive a tad longer. Care to spin a wheel?

Discord: Maybe later. There's other news - about our half brother Hercules.

Ares: Father's half-mortal mistake? Haven't given him a thought in years. Still in diapers? Playing in his sandbox?

Discord: He plays in your temple, even as we speak.

Ares: Hmmm. He's probably after that urn I stole from Zeus. The little runt is trying to score points with Dad.

Discord: He's not so little these days. He's eighteen now. Tall, exceptionally strong, and quite handsome. Let me go rip his face off.

Ares: No need. He can enter the cave, but he'll never exit. Remember - I designed it!

~*~

Hercules: Guess you aren't very bright after all.

Hercules: Now, that's attractive.

~*~

Jeweler: Don't stand too close, boy. This booth is for customers with coins in their purses.

Jeweler: Help! Help! Get the doctor!

Jeweler: Get the undertaker! Never mind, I'll get him myself! He's bleeding all over my jewels! All over my cart!

Jeweler: Stop! Stop him! My boss will kill me!

Iolaus: That's the last time I use a pig's bladder.

Cradus: A handful for each of us and a bagful for you? How is that fair, Iolaus?

Iolaus: Hey, I died for this stuff.

~*~

Alcmene: What's going on?

Jeweler: I was robbed today! The thief got half of my goods!

Alcmene: No, I mean over there.

Jeweler: Some kid stole something from the cave of Ares.

Alcmene: Hercules!

~*~

Cradus: Iolaus.

Iolaus: Later.

~*~

Alcmene: Hercules, you stole from a god?

Hercules: It doesn't belong to Ares. He stole it from Zeus.

Iolaus: Don't worry. I'll put it back.

Iolaus: Oops.

Alcmene: Hercules! Do something! Save Iolaus!

Hercules: That petty thief?

Alcmene: Please!

Hercules: Give me your hand, Iolaus!

Iolaus: Hercules. What are you doing up here?

Alcmene: Hercules! Get down now!

Iolaus: You heard your mom.

~*~

Alcmene: Hercules? Do you know the meaning of the word forbidden?

Hercules:How was I to know there was a cyclone in that urn?

Alcmene: When you're not staring at Mount Olympus, you're dreaming up new schemes to get the attention of your father.

Hercules: That's not all I ever do. And who wants to impress him anyway?

Alcmene: Hercules, be honest with yourself. Zeus fathered you - and then he abandoned you. I know that hurts. And of course, you're trying to prove yourself to him. But sometimes you jeopardize others.

Hercules: Not intentionally. Besides, Zeus doesn't care about me. Why should I waste my time thinking about him?

Alcmene: Because I know you want to take your place - as his son.

Hercules: Not really.

Alcmene: You have to remember that you're half mortal.

Hercules: Yeah. Stuck between heaven and earth. So I guess there's no place for me anywhere.

Alcmene: Yes, there is. 'To whom much is given, much is asked.' Learn to use the powers that you have. Go to Cheiron, at the Academy.

Hercules: Power? Ares has power. He showed me that today. My father must be laughing at me. Not that I care.

Alcmene: When Iphicles left, it broke my heart. He was-

Hercules: Jealous of me. Because I'm a half-god. I don't know why. I'd give anything to be like him - an ordinary man.

Alcmene: And now I'm losing my other son. Go to Cheiron. He's wise. He'll teach you.

Hercules: Everything I need to know I can learn from you.

Alcmene: No. It's time.

~*~

Hercules: Excuse me. Can you tell me where to find Cheiron?

Jason: Sure. I'm Jason. Follow me.

Jason: He'll be around here somewhere.

Cheiron: The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.

Hercules: Pretty good observation... for a janitor.

Cheiron: Well, a wheel has many spokes.

Hercules: Yes, and a bird has wings, a dog has paws, a bull has horns. But you've probably observed that, too.

Cheiron: Why did you come here?

Hercules: My mother's idea. Which I'm beginning to wonder about. Look at those two. When is that going to happen - in real life? This might be a huge waste of time.

Cheiron: Time makes all men equal, doesn't it?

Hercules: Do you always talk in riddles? Don't answer that. I'm looking for the world-famous Cheiron.

Cheiron: I'm Cheiron.

Hercules: Oh. And I'm off to a really great start.

Cheiron: You're Hercules. Son of Zeus. Alcmene's child. I see the resemblance.

Hercules: No. Wait a minute. You can't be...

Cheiron: Yes.

Hercules: No offense, but I heard you were a great warrior. What can I learn from you - galloping?

Cheiron: No offense taken.

~*~

Jason: Supper at dusk. Lanterns out at eight. Morning bell is at four o'clock.

Hercules: Get up at four? That's for farmers with cows.

Jason: And cadets with a purpose.

Hercules: Yeah, well, I only have one purpose here. To impress my father.

Jason: Most everyone here is the son of somebody famous. Is your dad wealthy?

Hercules: Sort of. He has resources.

Jason: Powerful?

Hercules: You could say that.

Jason: Is he in politics?

Hercules: He's... fairly well connected. What about your father?

Jason: He's a politician. Aeson, king of Corinth. Here's your bunk.

Hercules: Thanks. It's been two weeks since I've slept in a bed.

Jason: I wouldn't get too comfortable there.

Hercules: Why?

Jason: No rest during training hours. Sorry.

Jason: This is Alcestor.

Jason: Now I want you to meet your training partner, the guy you'll spend every moment of every day with. Hercules, this is...

Hercules: Iolaus?

Iolaus: It took you two weeks to get here? I've seen faster turtles.

Hercules: Yeah. As they passed you by on the road.

Iolaus: Oh, I'm laughing.

Jason: Come on, guys, let's hit the track!

Hercules: How'd you get here? Steal Cheiron's key?

Iolaus: No. He wants me to keep an eye on you.

Hercules: Yeah? Well, with me as your training partner, you'll wish you'd never gotten in here.

~*~

Cheiron: Know your comrades. The deeper your knowledge, the greater your trust.

Iolaus: You heard the centaur. 'Knowledge brings trust.'

Hercules: Guess you don't know me well enough.

Cheiron: You can't pick up a pebble with only one finger.

~*~

Jason: The point is to be the last man standing. Balance is key.

Iolaus: Looks like Hercules is a little off key.

Iolaus: Balance... Is... Key!

Cheiron: Respect all warriors, friend and foe alike. You're on thin ice, Iolaus.

~*~

Iolaus: Thin ice? That four-footed know-it-all. No offense. Man, how do you guys live like this? It's everywhere.

Iolaus: What are you upset about? I'm breaking you out of here too.

Hercules: What if he doesn't want to go?

Iolaus: He'll learn to live with it. Get out of the way!

Hercules: I don't think so, training partner. We're responsible for each other. And I'm not taking the blame for you again.

Iolaus: Again?

Hercules: Yeah. First the twister. then tomorrow there'll be a horse and a jackass missing.

Iolaus: I'm only taking the horse.

Hercules: I know.

Iolaus: Move or I'll give you a horseshoe tattoo.

Hercules: It's your life. Well, good luck.

Hercules: Forgive me. I'm only concerned for your well being.

Iolaus: It's the thought that counts.

Iolaus: This is where I wanted to be in the first place.

Hercules: How does that taste?

Hercules: Can I help you?

Yvenna: Do I look like I need help?

Hercules: I thought maybe you were lost.

Iolaus: This is Cheiron's Academy.

Yvenna: And you must be the grossly inept stable boys.

Hercules: Here. Let me do that.

Yvenna: There must be manure in your ears. I said I don't need help. Ever.

Iolaus: Then we don't even need to tell you where the guest quarters are.

Yvenna: No, because I'll be staying in the barracks. I'm a cadet.

Iolaus: A cadet? You can't be a cadet. I mean, after all, you're - I mean, well, you're...

Hercules: ...short.

Yvenna: You guys are not only covered with it, you're full of it.

Hercules: Still going? Or are we done with this?

Iolaus: I'm done with this, and I've found a whole new reason to stay. She stepped on me.

~*~

Cheiron: You'll learn the value of the team. Surrendering yourself to the one self.

Cheiron: Go.

Iolaus: We should get back to work.

Hercules: Sure," Hercules said. "After you.

Iolaus: I'm only cooperating because you didn't say anything to Cheiron about last night.

Hercules: Don't do me any favors. I'm not one to kiss and tell.

Yvenna: You two clean up fairly well... for manure handlers.

Hercules: Pardon me. For a moment there I forgot. No help.

Iolaus: Right. Sorry.

Hercules: You know, she really doesn't need any help.

Cheiron: Cadets! Resume the exercises!

~*~

Cheiron: These night sessions of yours have brought much improvement.

Hercules: You startled me.

Cheiron: Always anticipate the unexpected. Very good work, Hercules.

Hercules: This was my own little secret.

Cheiron: Now it's ours. Here.

Hercules: What's this for?

Cheiron: You're ready to progress to the next level. Try it blindfolded.

Hercules: You don't quit, do you?

Cheiron: Never-never-never-quit.

~*~

Yvenna: What are you doing here? Were you following me?

Hercules: No I didn't. I was taking a bath.

Yvenna: I was going to take a bath here.

Hercules: Excuse me. I didn't see the sign that said Women Only. I'll leave.

Yvenna: No, no, I've told Cheiron that I want no special treatment. Treat me like one of the guys.

Hercules: Not like any guy I know. It's all right. I'll come back later.

Yvenna: Suit yourself.

Hercules: Fine. So - if you'll just turn around...

Yvenna: Turn my back on you? Never. Besides, I've been to Athens. I've seen statues. We're both mature cadets.

Runner: Help me! I must find Jason of Corinth! It's urgent!

~*~

Iolaus: What's it say?

Hercules: Your father has been unconscious for two weeks. Strength diminishing daily. Have tried all available medicines. Corinth in disarray. Come home immediately.

Jason: This is unbelievable. I saw him only two months ago. He was so strong.

Iolaus: Maybe it's just a bad case of the fever.

Hercules: There are remedies for that.

Iolaus: Hey, I'm only saying I think he'll be okay. Probably a temporary condition.

Jason: I hope you're right.

Hercules: If not, you'd better get there as soon as possible.

Jason: True. Especially if there's chaos in the city. It's my duty.

Iolaus: You mean Jason might become king?

Hercules: What's the matter with you?

Iolaus: You're going to need advisors. And I've got my finger on the public pulse.

Hercules: You'd steal it if you could.

Jason: I don't want to think about the throne now.

Hercules: Jason, I'd like to go with you.

Iolaus: I'm in. I always wanted to be a personal friend of a king.

Jason: Iolaus, I'm the same as I always was.

Iolaus: Of course. But with power.

Hercules: Jason, we don't need him.

Iolaus: Yes, you do.

Hercules: No, we don't.

Jason: Guys, put your differences aside. I may have need of you both.

~*~

Iolaus: I've heard of 'eat and run', I just never thought it meant at the same moment.

Jason: Sorry, Iolaus. I can't afford to waste time.

Jason: Five dinars for this lousy soup? Highway robbery takes on a new meaning.

Hercules: And you know all about robbery.

Iolaus: When you're king we won't eat like this.

Jason: When I'm king. I don't want to even consider life without my father.

Hercules: You'll get through it.

Jason: But he's always been there for me.

Iolaus: Oh, yeah. My dad was there - about two weeks out of the year. The rest of the time he'd be off at some war. I mean, I wouldn't recognize him out of armor.

Jason: When I was a boy, my father would take me fishing, and we'd wrestle all the time. We'd dive off the cliffs at Delos.

Hercules: Really? Wish I'd had that.

Iolaus: So? I never did things with my old man, and look how I turned out. Anyways, it's not Amphitryon's fault that he died while you were young.

Hercules: Amphitryon was not my father.

Iolaus: Whoa! Did Alcmene keep that quiet. Who's your real dad?

Hercules: Never mind. It doesn't matter.

Iolaus: Come on, Who is it? Somebody in the village? Anybody I've met?

Hercules: No. Even I haven't met him.

Jason: Have you ever tried to see him?

Hercules: Not yet. But maybe one of these days. Come on. Let's pick up the pace.

~*~

Ares: Still hanging on, Aeson? Very noble of you - almost kingly.

Artisan: Lord Pelias?

Ares as Pelias: Enter.

Artisan: King Pelias... That is to say when you are king when the other king is no longer king and you are king at last. And a good king at that.

Ares as Pelias: And?

Artisan: The work on your statue proceeds, Lord Pelias. We'll be finished in two weeks' time.

Ares as Pelias: Two weeks?

Artisan: We are not married to two weeks. We could step it up.

Ares as Pelias: But I so wanted to unveil it at the king's funeral - and that could be any day. Finish it soon, or you'll join the others at the gates.

Artisan: Yes, my lord.

Ares: Stupid, helpless, incompetent mortals.

Discord: What's the point of this stupid charade? Why do you pretend to be Aeson's long-lost brother, Pelias? Let them know you're Ares and lay waste to this place.

Ares: Oh, sister, don't you see? This way brother kills brother. Uncle destroys son. I enjoy the symmetry.

Discord: Well, how long does this play-acting go on? I hate these clothes.

Ares: Yes, white is not your color. Not very exciting.

Discord: What I'd find exciting is torching this city.

Ares: And slaughter so many innocents? Not a bad idea. Perhaps - in good time.

Discord: Oh, did I mention your plan is unfolding like a black rose? Jason is on his way here.

Ares: Tell me Hercules is with him.

Discord: Consider yourself told. Now let me ambush them on the road and send them packing to Tatarus!

Ares: You're such a firebrand. How easily you forget. Our dear half brother cannot be killed at the hand of either one of us - by order of Zeus.

Discord: I'll do it quickly. Zeus might never know.

Ares: Patience. If Hercules is tragically killed, along with his heroic friends, in an untimely, hideous, bloody accident...

Discord: I love it when you talk like that. And I've arranged one.

Ares: Pretty sneaky, sister. What have you done without telling me?

Discord: Only sent out the welcome wagon.

~*~

Iolaus: Are we almost there? Where's the red carpet? The food and wine? The nubile young women?

Hercules: Here's your welcoming committee.

Iolaus: Get us out of here! Are you out of your mind?

Jason: Who sent you?

Man: Pelias.

Jason: Pelias is dead.

Man: Pelias is king.

Jason: Lose him.

~*~

Jason: This isn't right.

Hercules: When did you last see your uncle?

Jason: My father told me he died in battle when I was a baby.

Jason: Zandarus. My father's most trusted advisor. And the rest, all his inner council.

Guard: Pelias's orders. No one in, no one out.

Hercules: I count three guards at the gate. Let's take them.

Jason: No. I don't want any more of my people killed. Not even the guards.

Iolaus: Digging a tunnel might be a little time consuming. Wait - does anybody have some of that soup left?

Hercules: Soup? We only ate a short time ago.

Iolaus: Work with me here, guys. I have a plan.

~*~

Iolaus: Ninety-nine goatskins of wine on the wall... Ninety-nine goatskins of wine...

Guard: Go away.

Iolaus: Ah! Just the six guys I wanted to see. You two come join me for a drink. And you two as well, because... they're buying!

Guard: Move on, or spend the night in jail. The gates are closed.

Iolaus: Closed! They can't be closed! I love you guys, I really do! Oh, you shouldn't have done that. Here comes lunch.

~*~

Jason: Father! Thank the gods, he's still alive. Can you hear me, Father? It's Jason.

Ares as Pelias: Who disturbs the king?

Jason: Jason, son of the king.

Ares as Pelias: My dear nephew! I'm your uncle - Pelias.

Jason: What have you done to my father?

Ares as Pelias: Only summoned Corinth's finest physicians. Sadly, to no avail. We all die, Jason.

Jason: What ails him?

Ares as Pelias: None of them could say. It would take the Golden Fleece itself to save him.

Jason: The finest physicians?

Ares as Pelias: I know how heartsick you must be, but imagine my loss - not being near my beloved brother for all this time, only to have him snatched away so cruelly.

Hercules: And where exactly were you?

Ares as Pelias: I was a prisoner of war for eight years. I finally escaped, only to be lost at sea these last twelve years.

Iolaus: It's a big sea.

Jason: Why are soldiers in the city?

Ares as Pelias: It's a time of chaos. With great sadness, I restored order and assumed the throne.

Iolaus: Yeah. Well, you can cheer up. Jason's here to claim his birthright.

Jason: In the name of my father.

Ares as Pelias: If only he agreed. 'I, King Aeson, being of sound mind but failing body, name as successor to the throne my brother, Pelias.'

Jason: You forced him to write that!

Ares as Pelias: Are you calling me a traitor? You risk assaulting the acting king? These are death offenses!

Hercules: You wouldn't dare!

Ares as Pelias: No, I wouldn't. But I'd like to - very much. I'll banish him instead. Guards, escort my nephew and his friends out of the city.

~*~

Jason: I'm not leaving my father in the hands of Pelias. He'll have to kill me!

Hercules: Jason, what's the most important thing to you at this moment?

Jason: Saving my father's life.

Hercules: Then let's save it. Let's get the Golden Fleece.

Jason: Yes.

Iolaus: What's the Golden Fleece?

~*~

Hercules: We'll need help from some of the other cadets. I'm sure they'll do it if you ask.

Jason: Impossible.

Hercules: We go back to the Academy, recruit some other cadets, and set sail for Korsenia.

Iolaus: Korsenia?

Jason: Do you know how many men have died trying to obtain it?

Iolaus: What's the Golden Fleece?

~*~

Hercules: Probably hundreds.

Jason: It can't be done. It's a dream.

Hercules: Then let's make it come true. I'd save my father if I had the chance.

Jason: You're out of your mind.

Iolaus: Guys, what's the Golden Fleece?

~*~

Hercules: The Golden Fleece is the skin of a ram, made of pure gold...

Iolaus: Pure gold? Stop right there. I'm in.

Hercules: ...sacrificed to my father by a king named Phrixis. The gold means nothing. The fleece's real power is to heal any illness.

Jason: 'Sacrificed to my father'? Are you saying that your father is Zeus? I was right. You're out of your mind.

Hercules: I swear it. On my mother's life.

Iolaus: Well, now I see why Alcmene kept that news under her hat. And all these years, I thought it was just heavy weightlifting that made you so strong.

Jason: Son of a god or no, it's far too dangerous. We could all be killed.

Iolaus: Oh. Hercules, if Jason says it can't be done, it can't be done. Next idea.

Hercules: Sure, Iolaus is scared...

Iolaus: Don't call me a coward. Son of Zeus or not - I'll go anywhere you go!

Hercules: ...but you and I, we can pull this off, stop Pelias, and save your father.

Jason: And Corinth.

Iolaus: Look, the gods have to be watching over us with Hercules aboard.

Jason: All right, we'll do it! I'll speak to some of the others.

Iolaus: Son of a god, son of a king. I'm definitely moving up on the social ladder. By the way, have you spoken to him about this?

Hercules: Not recently. But he'll want to see me after I steal the fleece.

Iolaus: Don't you mean we?

Hercules: Yeah, that's what I said - we.

~*~

Hercules: The six of us, plus Mikos and Alcestor.

Jason: Provisions?

Liardus: I'm on kitchen duty.

Jason: Weapons?

Hercules: I've got mine right here.

Iolaus: I can get swords.

Jason: Transportation?

Yvenna: My uncle owns the Argo.

Cheiron: Pair off for wrestling."

Hercules: You can get a ship?

Yvenna: But you didn't even ask me on this mission.

Hercules: I was going to. Really.

Yvenna: Sure.

Hercules: No, I swear. You're one of the best warriors I've ever seen.

Yvenna: In the gym? Yeah. You'll say anything now to get what you want.

Hercules: Come with us. We need you. I need you.

Yvenna: I'll think about it.

~*~

Hercules: I'm glad you came.

Iolaus: I can't believe we slipped past the old geezer.

Cheiron: That would be me, I presume. No, I won't stop you. Do what you must do. And if you remember nothing else, remember this. The pack gets its strength from the lead wolf, but the lead wolf draws his strength from the pack. Go. The gods be with you. You're the lead wolf. But are you doing this for purely selfless reasons? Or does Hercules, son of Zeus, have a personal agenda?

Hercules: What if I do?

Cheiron: Then you'll never succeed.

~*~

Jason: He's late. How long are we going to wait?

Yvenna: My uncle Argus won't let me down.

Attica: Excuse me. Coming through. Gangway!

Yvenna: Oh no.

Attica: Gangway. That's pretty funny. Gangway, get it? Hi, Yvenna. Captain Attica at your service.

Yvenna: Where's Uncle Argus?

Attica: Dad couldn't make it. Scurvy. I only have a mild case of it. Only kidding! You're all in good hands. Let's go aboard! Everything's okay! Go on aboard! Don't wait on me!

~*~

Discord: They've set sail for Korsenia.

Ares: See, sis? Patience brings rewards. I told you Hercules would go after the fleece. He's still desperate to prove himself to Dad.

Discord: There are nine cadets in all. Without Cheiron.

Ares: Perfect! Lambs to the slaughter. When I think of all the heroes that I'm dispatching at once - it's beautiful. But what to wear to the funeral?

Discord: So now I can bait the trap?

Ares: You really want to see half brother dead, don't you?

Discord: Yes.

Ares: Very well. Go get him.

~*~

Hercules: You look a little uneasy. Seasickness?

Yvenna: I wish it was.

Hercules: It's understandable. We're all concerned about what lies ahead.

Yvenna: No, it's more like what's behind. Hercules, there's something you should know about me. I'm not what you think.

Hercules: What do you mean?

Attica: Hey, you two idlers! Yvenna, trim that jib! Hercules, swab the deck. We'll have no lay-abouts on my watch. Wee that? You made me lose my place!

~*~

Iolaus: So I told him, 'Hercules, don't touch the urn!' But does he listen? He drops it, and out flies this tremendous twister, which sucks him right up into the sky! I'm thinking, Act fast, Iolaus.

Enyo: Then what happened?

Iolaus: Hey, Jason, why the child-size portions?

Jason: Just to be on the safe side. We're rationing the food.

Attica: Can someone get that galley door? My hands are full.

Iolaus: I'll say. That's about six months' worth of grub.

Attica: The captain has unlimited access to the larder. Union rules! I'll be in my cabin, Call me at eight bells.

Hercules: Thamus, your turn at the wheel. Relieve Liardus.

Enyo: So what happened next? How did you save Hercules from the twister?

Iolaus: Whoa. Enough about me. It's boring. So, Yvenna, what brought you to the Academy?

Yvenna: It's not important."

Hercules: No, really. We'd like to hear it.

Yvenna: Not long ago, marauders attacked my village. We fought hard. Many were killed. Most of the rest are now slaves. I watched my own mother die. I vowed to avenge her death and free my people.

Hercules: I'm... sorry.

Jason: Why do you come with us when you have your own mission?

Yvenna: It's personal. Once we obtain the fleece, I'll know I'm ready.

Iolaus: I'd love to have seen how many of the raiders you took out. I'll bet they didn't see that coming. I mean, from a... from a short person.

Hercules: Way to go, Iolaus.

Iolaus: What? What did I say?

~*~

Yvenna: What do you want?

Hercules: Nothing. Only to apologize if Iolaus said something stupid. Sometimes he can't help it.

Yvenna: It's just... nerves. I'll go relieve Alcestor on the watch.

Hercules: Wait. Something's bothering you. Why don't you tell me about it?

Yvenna: Never mind. It's not important.

Hercules: Yvenna, once in a while, it's okay to need somebody.

Yvenna: I wasn't truthful back there. When my village was attacked... I ran and hid in the woods. From there I watched the death of my whole family. I didn't do anything. I was too afraid.

Hercules: Let it go. If you had stayed, you might have died, too. I'm glad you didn't stay.

Yvenna: Well, if I can help get the fleece, then I'll know I’m ready to go back and wreak vengeance. And pray that the gods forgive me for being a coward.

Hercules: Whatever went before, I know you're not a coward.

Yvenna: I hope you're right.

~*~

Jason: That sounds like a woman. Where's it coming from?

Hercules: It's coming from that island.

Jason: That's Ithra. But it's supposed to be uninhabited.

Iolaus: Whoa! Female in distress! Drop anchor!

Hercules: No, we can't stop now. I'm on a mission.

Jason: We all are.

Iolaus: Put me in a dinghy. I'll take care of the problem myself.

Hercules: Jason, I say we press on.

Yvenna: But if that woman really needs help...

Jason: We're going ashore.

~*~

Jason: Were you shipwrecked?

Liardus: Are you hurt?

Thamus: Are you stranded?

Iolaus: Are you available?

Iolaus: Boy, would I like to shake hands with a peach. Guys, go on. I'll take it from here.

Thamus: She doesn't seem all that upset anymore, does she?

~*~

Iolaus: Food! No more mini meals!

Enyo: Sweet! Like no wine I've ever tasted.

Hercules: Something's not right here. Let’s leave.

Jason: No, the men deserve a night to rest. It's as if the gods planned this.

Hercules: That's what I'm afraid of.

~*~

Hercules: Well, doesn't look like we're sailing tonight. So, when in Ithra...

Jason: Hands off! I'm the leader.

Hercules: Are you feeling a little weird? No! No! Jason! Jason! Iolaus, defend yourself!

~*~

Iolaus: Wake up! Wake up! Someone cut me down! Somebody cut me down!

Jason: I've got him.

Yvenna: What happened?

Hercules: You don't remember?

Yvenna: Only the first part. You and me.

Iolaus: All I remember, is that you tried to run me through with a sword!"

Hercules: I was hoping you'd knock me out.

Iolaus: Oh, that's great. If I'd missed you, I would have been a shish kebab.

Jason: What happened to that strange woman we came to rescue?

Hercules: Probably out looking for more victims." In terse sentences, Hercules filled them in.

Jason: We'd better get out of here. Where are Mikos and Alcestor?

Liardus: I found them. Out there.

Hercules: This was what she intended for all of us. To kill one another.

Jason: We'll bury them with the honor they deserve.

Iolaus: I knew this trip was doomed. Now we're all in jeopardy. This is all your fault!

Hercules: Mine? You're the one who wanted to rescue the damsel in distress.

Iolaus: You're the one who wanted the fleece!

Hercules: For Jason's father.

Iolaus: Or for yours!

Yvenna: Are you forgetting? Because of Hercules, we're all alive!

Iolaus: Not all of us.

Jason: Enough arguing. Both of you, stop it.

Iolaus: The gods are angry because of Hercules. I've seen this happen before - when I almost got killed in the twister. I say we turn back.

Jason: We go on. For my father's sake. And theirs.

~*~

Discord: I was this close to killing him.

Ares: But you showed admirable restraint. You never were one for flowers.

Discord: I hate losing! I hate it!

Ares: Don't you see, sister? You can never really enjoy winning if you haven't lost. I revel in the anticipation of final victory.

Discord: Oh, Hercules bests you - for the second time - and it doesn't bother you at all?

Ares: He's won a battle, a skirmish. It's like a board game. Hercules defeated one of my lesser pieces. And also my queen, whom I dearly love. But I have other pieces, other moves.

Massage Girl: Ready for your massage, Lord Pelias?

Discord: You're so generous.

Ares: And you're so high maintenance.

~*~

Yvenna: I couldn't sleep.

Hercules: Join the party.

Yvenna: Don't keep blaming yourself for what happened on Ithra.

Hercules: Why do you always think you know what I'm thinking?

Yvenna: Somebody told me, 'Once in a while it's okay to need others.'

Hercules: Cheiron warned me that doing this for a selfish reason meant failure. Maybe because of me the whole voyage is doomed.

Yvenna: I want to avenge the death of my family. That's selfish.

Hercules: No. You want to spend your life helping others. That's noble, but it's not for me.

Yvenna: Right. The guy who saved all of us back there in the cave.

Hercules: Only from the danger I put you in.

Jason: Whoa! High winds tonight. Anyway, Korsenia's off the starboard bow. We'll reach it by sunrise.

Hercules: Better prepare for the worst.

Yvenna: Why?

Jason: Legend says that the fleece hangs in a hut on the island.

Hercules: And doom awaits all foolish enough to try to take it.

Yvenna: Maybe we've already overcome doom. Back on Ithra when we escaped the siren.

Iolaus: It was a giant single wave. It was unearthly, like nothing I've ever seen. Swept over the deck. Enyo was washed away. I'd be gone too, but my foot was caught in the rigging.

Hercules: Where? Maybe we can...

Iolaus: He's gone.

Hercules: No. We can turn the boat around...

Iolaus: He's gone!

Hercules: No!

Iolaus: He's gone! It's too late!

Jason: And we're not even on the island yet.

Iolaus: That's the third time you almost got me killed.

Yvenna: But you're alive. So pull yourself together. We all knew this was dangerous coming in.

Iolaus: I don't mind facing danger. But let it be mine. I don't want to battle your demons!

~*~

Hercules: Father, I've never asked you for anything. Ever. But I need your help now. I'm afraid. Not for myself. But for all these people I dragged along. Don't let them die. Answer me! At least give me a sign that you know who I am! Fine! Disown me. Dishonor me. Destroy me if you will - but show yourself to me! I live because of you. You made me! You loved my mother once. Have you no love for me? Your son? If not, strike me down right now!

~*~

Iolaus: Quiet little town, isn't it? Oh, come on. I can take that with my eyes closed.

Jason: Go get it, Iolaus.

Hercules: We'll cover you.

Iolaus: What'd I tell you? Piece of baklava.

Jason: What was that? An earthquake?

Hercules: No. A foot.

Iolaus: Whew. Chew on some parsley. It'll help. I'd like to meet his tailor.

Jason: Obviously, he's not afraid of us.

Hercules: Are you kidding? We're like mice to a cat.

Yvenna: Look out!

Talos: The fleece! Give me the Golden Fleece!

Hercules: Scatter! He's got strength and size on his side, but we've got him outnumbered. We have to use that against him. It's our only chance.

Iolaus: I don't think he saw us.

Hercules: I don't think so either. Wrong.

Iolaus: And you thought you were strong.

Yvenna: Take this!

Hercules: Any ideas?

Iolaus: Tell him we had the wrong hut?

Hercules: Get this out of here!

Iolaus: All right! Hercules did it!

Yvenna: Is this what you want? Come on, you major case of bad breath.

Hercules: Yvenna, no. Quick, get that barrel.

Yvenna: What's you have for breakfast? A couple of raw cows?

Talos: Give me the fleece or I'll crush you!

Hercules: Get on. Land on the door! Yvenna!

Jason: Find the fleece. She needs it!

Hercules: Yvenna.

Yvenna: I didn't run this time.

Hercules: No. You're a hero.

Yvenna: Promise me.

Hercules: Don't talk. Where's Iolaus?

Yvenna: Promise me.

Hercules: What?

Jason: It's too late.

~*~

Jason: May they receive you warmly in the Elysian Fields. You died a warrior, Yvenna.

Iolaus: I'm sorry. And also, for what I said before. About you doing this for your father.

Hercules: I don't care about him. Or the rest of the gods, Iolaus. I don't care about any of it.

~*~

Discord: They're coming back.

Ares: Hmmm. A draw.

Discord: Did you hear me? The charade's over. Hercules returns - with the fleece. I swear, I'll kill him this time.

Ares: Stay out of this, Discord. Go back to Olympus.

Discord: No! I don't want to!

Ares: I said, go! Now it's brother against brother. Endgame.

~*~

Jason: You've done well. All of you.

Cheiron: However, you've also learned the price of success. Alcestor, Mikos, Enyo, and Yvenna all paid with their lives. You must honor their memory.

Hercules: We will. In Corinth when we save King Aeson.

Iolaus: On to Corinth!

Jason: To Corinth!

Cheiron: May the gods be with you. And so you've succeeded, Hercules, son of Zeus.

Hercules: Don't call me that. It's no longer important to me.

Cheiron: Good. Then no one need call you that ever again. The name Hercules will be enough. Go. They need you.

Hercules: Till I see you again.

~*~

Jason: Leave him alone!

Ares as Pelias: Jason! Have you done it?

Jason: This will cure my father.

Ares as Pelias: That's my fevent prayer.

Jason: Father. Father, hear me. It's Jason. Live! Live!

Aeson: Jason. My son.

Jason: It's a miracle! The gods did this! Nooooo!

Ares as Pelias: The gods give, and the gods take away. And that's for killing Talos, my giant.

Jason: Your giant? Who are you?

Ares: I'm your long-lost half brother. Soon to be mourning your death.

Hercules: Ares, god of war! A siren. A giant. And now you're attacking Jason? Why? This is between you and me."

Ares: Because you're under Father's special protection.

Hercules: The special protection of Zeus?

Ares: Himself. Get ready to rumble, little brother!

Hercules: Leave the others alone.

Ares: Done. And Dad's protection or not, you can go as well. To Tartarus!

Hercules: I'm up for the challenge, brother.

Ares: Challenge? You're not even a diversion. Hey. I'm beginning to think you don't like me.

Hercules: What gives you that idea?

Iolaus: Come on, Hercules! Pick up a pole, big guy! Give it back to him!

Ares: You want some of this?

Iolaus: Nooooo!

Hercules: I can't see!

Ares: Don't worry, I'll be quick.

Iolaus: Hang on, buddy! I'm coming. Left foot back. Here I come! Catch me!

Hercules: Iolaus?

Iolaus: Yeah, buddy.

Hercules: You've got to be my eyes. I'd rather you were facing the right way.

Iolaus: Right foot forward.

Hercules: Never...

Iolaus: Right food forward.

Hercules: Never...

Iolaus: Right food more forward!

Hercules: Never...

Iolaus: Right foot out! Whoa! Right foot up!

Hercules: Quit!

Iolaus: Wow! You're good!

Ares: Now put your foot in your mouth!

Hercules: Iolaus! I can see again!

Iolaus: All right! You got him, Hercules!

Hercules: Iolaus! Jump!

Ares: Nooooo! This is only the beginning, Hercules!

Hercules: We've got to help Jason!

Jason: Are my people free?

Hercules: Yes.

Jason: Thank you.

Hercules: The fleece! Quick!

~*~

Iolaus: What do you mean you're not going to be king? You can't just walk away from all of this! I mean, you owe it to your people to stay here and rule, don't you? And you'll need advisors to do that, right?

Jason: I'm not giving it up.

Iolaus: Wait, you're not giving up being king, but you're not going to be king?

Jason: Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Iolaus: Have you figured out what Jason's talking about?

Hercules: He's talking about going back to the Academy and finishing his training.

Iolaus: But that's stupid!

Jason: You know, Iolaus, a king in several of the countries surrounding Corinth might have you put to death for such an accusation.

Hercules: He's right.

Iolaus: Let's not be hasty. I helped save your life, remember?

Jason: And that gives you special privileges when addressing the crown prince of Corinth?

Iolaus: It doesn't? Okay, it doesn't. I just think you're making a mistake, that's all.

Jason: I don't think so. Trying to be king now, that would be the biggest mistake. I've got to find out what I can be before I step into something like that.

Iolaus: Corinth needs a king.

Jason: And they'll have one. As soon as I know I'm ready. Until then they'll have Ophistus and the other advisors I appointed. It's what my father would have wanted, I think. I only hope that when that day comes that I rule as well as my father did. Hey, maybe you'll get to meet your father one day. I mean, he does have that special protection over you.

Hercules: We'll see.

Iolaus: Okay, so you're not going to be king right now. I can live with that. Fine, we can live with that. But we get visitation rights, right? I mean, we can come to Corinth occasionally with you to see how the advisors are doing. You know they're going to need to be checked up on, Jason. You never know what the mice will do when the cat's away.

Jason: There are events I'll have to take part in - political talks, trade agreements, important weddings. Things like that.

Iolaus: Good. You'll want company, won't you? Hercules and I can be your bodyguards. Hey, maybe you can even appoint us as something. Personally, I wouldn't mind staying here and keeping an eye on things while you're at the Academy.

Hercules: No. Then Jason would have to appoint someone to keep an eye on you.

Iolaus: Okay. So when is the first event?

Jason: Next month. There are some trade agreements coming up with the merchanters.

Iolaus: Fine. We can stay here long enough to take care of that.

Hercules: We're going back to the Academy. We can come back then.

Iolaus: I really don't see the sense...

Jason: You mean my plan sounds stupid?

Iolaus: No. No, I didn't mean that at all. We can come back. What's another trek with all the traveling we've been doing lately? So when do we leave for the Academy?

Hercules: Today.

Iolaus: Today?

Jason: Yes. I sent a messenger to let Cheiron know when we'd be back. If we leave in the next hour or so, we should make it.

Iolaus: But there are good-byes to be said.

Hercules: To all those girls in the taverns? I don't think they'll miss you as much as you'll miss them.

Jason: There are too many memories here. I'm ready to go back to the Academy to clear my head.

Hercules: We can get started now.

Iolaus: Hey. I'm not ready to go.

Hercules: We'll tell Cheiron why you're late. You know how understanding he can be.

Iolaus: Understanding? Understanding, you say? Do you know how long I'll be on sword-stacking duty if I get back late?