Medea Culpa Transcript (Novelization)
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[TEASER]
I: “Oh-h-h-h-- this is the life, huh?”
Jason [Ja]: “You said it. I missed you guys.”
H: “Hmm. We should take trips like this more often.”
I: “Yeah. No fighting warlords-- no slaying monsters.”
H: “No dinner if we don’t catch something pretty soon.” [They laugh.]
Ja: “Whoa! Looks like dinner’s on me.”
H: “Don’t be-- so sure about that.”
Ja: “I’m sorry, Hercules. This river’s not big enough for both of us.”
H: “Oh, yeah?”
I: “OK. The one who catches the biggest fish-- doesn’t have to cook. Ah-ho-o-o-o-o!”
Ja: “All right!”
I: “Come on, Jason! Come on, here it comes.”
Ja: “Yeah! Oh-h-h! Ah-ho-o-o-o! Would you look at that?! Drop your line. You don’t have a chance!” [Laughs]
H: “Uh-huh-- oop-oop!”
I: “Whoa! Holy mackerel! Huh! We can eat for week! Whoa! Whoa! Oh! Oh.”
H: “I’ll, uh-- take mine extra crispy, please.”
Ja: “Why do I bother?”
H: “No idea.” [Chuckles]
I: “Yeah-- a little competition never hurt anybody.”
Ja: “Hmm.”
H: “I remember a time when it almost did.”
Ja: “Medea.”
I: “Aw, come on guys-- we were just kids!”
Ja: “Yeah, right-- lucky kids.”
H: “Lucky we were together.”
Jeeves: “Your Highness-- presenting Hercules and Iolaus.”
Young I [Y I]: “Thank you, Jeeves.”
Young Ja [Y Ja]: “Ah, yes-- yes, good-- my court jester and my chef. Hercules, I’ll be lunching in the west wing. And you-- why aren’t you wearing your tights?”
Y I: “Listen to this guy. He’s king for a season-- he thinks he owns this place.”
Young H [Y H]: “He does.”
Y Ja: “I do.”
Y I: “Well, sounds to me like you could use a good kick in the royal highness.”
Y Ja: “You and what army?” [They laugh.]
Y I: “Hey, buddy!”
Y Ja: “Hey, Hey! Ah-h-h! It’s great to see you guys! It’s lonely at the top!”
Y I: “Oh, yeah-- really-- breakfast in bed-- sponge baths-- I mean, poor guy.”
Y Ja: “I spent the entire morning in a council meeting. They want me to impose a curfew for everyone under 18.”
Y I: “Oh, so you told them to stuff it, right?”
Y Ja: “No, no, I think it’s a good idea.”
Y H: “You’re kidding, right?”
Y Ja: “No, the council’s right. It can be dangerous after dark.”
Y H: “Would you say that if the curfew affected you?”
Y I: “Oh, here we go.”
Y Ja: “Yes-- I would. What’s your point?”
Y H: “My point is-- that I think you’re more interested in going along to _get_ along-- than doing the right thing.”
Y I: “Oop-- there it is.”
Y Ja: “Are you calling me a bad king?”
Y H: “If the crown fits.”
Y I: “Gentlemen-- I do believe there’s only one way to settle this.”
[Cheering]
Guys: “Move it! Move it!”
Girls: “Jason! Jason!”
Girl: “What’s going on?”
Y I: “Uh, a difference of opinion! The winner of the race-- wins the argument!”
Girl: “Oh, I hope Jason wins! He is so cool!”
Y Ja: “Who-o-o-o! Ha-ha-ha-ha. Not a chance, Hercules!”
Y H: “Come on! Yah!”
Y Ja: [Laughs]
Y H: “Who do you think you are?! The king?!”
Y Ja: “Yah! Yah! I _am_ the king!”
Y H: “Give it up, Jason!”
Y Ja: “You don’t have a prayer!”
Y H’s Voice: “Hah!”
Y Ja: “I thought you were the son of Zeus, Hercules!”
Y H: “Ah-h-h-h-h! Hah-h-h-h! Hah! Hah! Hah!”
Y Ja: “Yah! Yah!”
Y H: “Ya feel that, King?! Hah! Yeah!”
Y Ja: “Who-o-o-o!”
Y H: “Hercules is makin’ a comeback! Who-o-o-o-o!”
Y Ja: “Come on! Come on!”
Y H: “Faster! Yeah-h-h-h! [Laughs] Ha-ha! I gotcha! [Laughs]”
Y Ja: “Yeah! Yeah! Come on! Yeah! Yeah!”
“Chloe”: [Screams]
Y H: “Are you OK?”
“Chloe”: “I think so.”
Woman: “Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!”
Girls: “Go, Jason!” “Go!”
Man’s Voice: “Jason won!”
“Chloe”: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get in the way.”
Y H: “Oh, I know you didn’t. What’s your name?”
“Chloe”: “Chloe.”
Y H: “Chloe-- where are your parents, Chloe?”
“Chloe”: “They’re dead.”
Y I: “Herc, what’s up? I had money on you.”
Y H: “Not now, Iolaus. What happened?”
“Chloe”: “The Ghidra attacked my village. I’m the only one left.”
Y I: “What’s a Ghidra?”
Y H: “It’s one of Hera’s little pets.”
Y I: [Whistles]
“Chloe”: “Please don’t make me go back there. Please.”
Y H: “It’s OK. You’re safe, now.”
“Chloe”: “But it’s still out there.”
Y H: “Not for long.”
[ACT I]
Y I: “So-- you think you’re gonna kill the Ghidra-- huh? Herc, I thought you were enjoying life. Why do you wanna end it, now.”
Y H: “Iolaus, what happened to your sense of adventure?”
Y I: “It’s alive and well, thank you-- and I, uh-- prefer to-- keep it that way.”
Y Ja: “That was close. You all right? Yeah? Are you sure?”
“Chloe”: “Yes.”
Y Ja: “Take her to the palce-- make sure she’s all right.”
Man’s Voice: “Yah! Yo. Yah, yah!”
Y H: “Looks like I’m gonna have to cut my visit short.”
Y Ja: “Aw-w-w, don’t be a sore loser-- ya just got here.”
Y I: “No, no, no, no-- Hercules fancies himself as a bit of a monster slayer?”
Y Ja: “A monster?”
Y I: “Yeah-- Ghidra, no less.”
Y H: “You know, that girl’s lucky to be alive. Her entire village was wiped out. If I don’t do somethin’, Corinth could be next.”
Y Ja: “Well, that settle it. When do we leave?”
Y H: “I was hopin’ you’d say that. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to facing this thing by myself.”
Y Ja: “Oh-ho, you think I’m gonna let you take all the glory?” [Chuckles]
Y I: “What?! All right-- I’m in! All ya had to do was ask. Sheesh.”
Y Ja: “So, uh-- where does this Ghidra live, anyway?”
Y H: “Mt. Solayas-- it’s all the way across the Arcadian Sea.”
Y I: “Hey, guys-- I just thought of something. If we pull this off, we could get famous-- welcome in every town-- free food-- girls asking us to sign their naked flesh-- I could get used to that.”
Y H: “Well, leave it to you to find the bright side.”
Y Ja: “Actually, Iolaus has a point-- might give you a chance to give your arm a rest.”
Y H: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Y I: “Hold on-- Jason-- I think you’re underestimating my best pal, here. Hercules has the strength of twenty men. His arm doesn’t _get_ tired.”
Y H: “Oh-- oh, you guys _kill_ me. Listen, I need to brag about all the women _I_ know, like some people do.”
Y Ja: “Oh, wait a minute. Do I hear what I think I’m hearin’?”
Y H: “An echo in your head?”
Y Ja: “You know what you sound like-- ”
Y I and Y Ja: “-- a virgin!”
Y I: “Oh, well, wait a minute-- Hercules? No way! Are you?”
Y H: “Guys-- what difference does it make?”
Y Ja: “Well-- I think that if you _weren’t_ a virgin-- you would probably _know_.”
Y I and Y Ja [Laugh]: “Whoa!”
Y H: “Look-- guys-- I mean, I may be old-fashioned, but-- I want my first time to be special-- I mean, with somebody I care about. Now, is that a problem for either of the two of you?”
Y Ja: “No!”
Y I: “No problem.”
Y Ja: “No. No.”
Y I: “This is great.”
Y Ja [Interrupts]: “Yeah, it’s respectable.”
Y I [Interrupts]: “We need them in the world, you know?”
Y Ja [Interrupts]: “It’s classy. I wish I was one.”
Y I [Interrupts]: “I’d do it again if I could.”
Y Ja: “Yeah.”
Y H: “Good.”
Y Ja: “Whew-- what are you eatin’?”
Y I: “Sh, sh-- wait. It’s a naked woman-- bathing-- naked.”
Y H: “How does he know?”
Y I: “It’s a gift. Come on.”
Y Ja’s Voice: “I thought you said she was naked.”
Y I’s Voice: “She is naked-- under her clothes. Maybe she’s lost.”
Y Ja’s Voice: “Maybe we should offer our services, huh?”
Y H: “Congratulations, Iolaus, you were right. Can we go now?”
Y Ja: “We can’t just leave her there.”
Y I: “Yeah, this forest might be crawling with perverts.”
Y H: “Gee, do ya think?”
Y Ja: “We’ll get a better look down there.”
Y H: “Guys. Guy-guys.” [Sighs]
Y Ja: “Huh-- she was right here.”
Y H: “She must have seen us.”
Y Ja: “Here-- gone-- ”
Y I: “Where did she go?”
Medea [Med]: “She’s right behind you. Let me guess-- you thought I was drowning.”
Y H: “Please don’t hurt him.”
Med: “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.”
Y H: “Well-- he’s a little misguided, but-- basically harmless.”
Y I: “Oh, gee-- thanks.”
Med: “You think invading a woman’s privacy is harmless?”
Y H: “I didn’t mean that.”
Med: “Yeah, what _did_ you mean?”
Y H: “That-- we’re three morons who owe _you_ a big apology.”
Y I: “Yeah. Miss, if you don’t-- ”
Med: “Shut up! What are you boys doing here?”
Y Ja: “We’re on our way to Mt. Solayas. We’re gonna kill the Ghidra.”
Med: “Yeah, right.”
Y I: “No, no. It’s true.”
Med: “Shut up! You know, how do you boys expect to kill a monster when you can’t even get past me?”
Y I: “She has got a point, guys.”
Y Ja and Y H: “Shut up.”
Med: “I think I’ll come with you.”
Y H: “What, are you kidding?”
Med: “Do I look like I’m kidding? Sounds like fun. I got nothin’ better to do. Besides, you boys look like you could use a little help.”
Y H: “Tell you what-- take that knife away from my friend’s throat-- it might be easier for us to come up with a decision.”
Med: “So-- what do you say?”
Y I: “Yeah.”
Y H: “By the way-- my name’s Hercules.”
Med: “I’m Medea.”
Y H: “It’s nice to meet you.”
Med: “You seem like a pretty decent guy, Hercules. What are you doing hanging out with those two cow tippers?”
Y H: “Well, they’re my friends. Trust them with my life.”
Med: “Honest _and_ loyal. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing I ran into you after all.”
Y H: “What were you doin’ out here all alone, anyway?”
Med: “Please-- don’t start with that ‘The-forest-is-no-place-for-a-woman’ crap or I’ll puke.”
Y H: “That’s a pretty big chip on your shoulder.”
Med: “Let me guess-- you’re just the guy to take it off.”
Y H [Sighs]: “Just makin’ conversation.”
Med: “It’s OK. Let’s just say my stepfather and I had slightly different opinions about the way a good daughter should behave-- so I left. What about you? Let me guess-- perfect home life-- you’ve got a dog and a cat-- your mother bakes-- and-- your father takes you fishing.”
Y H: “For what it’s worth, I don’t really see eye-to-eye with my father, either. In fact, I’ve never seen him.”
Med: “What? Is he like a travelling salesman or something?”
Y H: “No, he’s Zeus.”
Med: “You mean-- king of the gods.”
Y H: “You’ve heard of him?”
Med: “Maybe you _do_ have the strength to lift that chip off my shoulder after all.”
Y I: “Well, they seem to be hitting it off.”
Y Ja: “Yeah, wonderful. I’m stuck back here with you.”
Y I: “You know? Hercules is son of a god. You’re king of Corinth. What about me? What do I got?”
Y Ja: “You got to have that body pressed up against you.”
Y I: “She had a knife to my throat.”
Y Ja: “Love hurts.”
Woman’s Voice: [Screams]
Y Ja: “That sounds like trouble.”
Y H: “Let’s go.”
[Fight]
Women’s Voices: [Screams] “Don’t hurt my baby!”
Man’s Voice: “Out of my way!”
Y Ja: “Bandits!”
Y I: “Come on. Let’s have some fun!”
Med: “Nice throw.”
Y H: “I work out.”
Med [Sighs]: “My hero.”
Villager: “Thank you all.”
A Man’s Voice [In Background]: “Are you all right?”
Villager: “It’s not bad enough that the Ghidra destroyed our village. Now it’s low-life scums like those-- they have to pick the ruins.”
Y Ja: “Ghidra?”
Y I: “Here?”
Y H: “We better get moving, guys.”
Mother [Wails]: “My-- my son!”
Man’s Voice: “Oh, no.”
Mother: “My boy! That monster crushed our house! Please do something!” [Cries]
Y H: “I’m sorry.”
Mother: “Oh, no-o-o-o-o-o-o!”
Med: “Get out of the way.”
Boy: [Coughs]
Man’s Voice: “By the gods!”
Woman’s Voice: “It’s a miracle!”
Man’s Voice: “She’s a healer.”
Woman’s Voice: “How did she do it?”
Man’s Voice: “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Mother: “Oh-ho! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!” [Cries]
Y I: “Wow, that was like the coolest thing I’ve ever seen! Man, I wish you’d been around when my dog died.”
Y H: “How long have you been able to do that?”
Med: “How long have you been juggling grown men?”
Y H: “Ha-- I was born with it.”
Med: “That makes sense with you being the son of a god and all.”
Y Ja: “Hey, uh, did-- did I mention that I’m the king-- of Corinth?”
Med: “With me, it’s different. Both my parents are mortal. I have no idea where my powers come from.”
Y Ja: “Why do I get the feeling that we’re not part of this conversation?”
Y I: “’Cause we’re not?”
Y Ja: “Well, then-- let’s-- leave these two gifted people to talk about how wonderful they are. We’re gonna scout ahead-- if that’s all right with you.”
Med: “I get the feeling your friend doesn’t like me very much.”
Y H: “Ah, Jason? Nah, it’s just his way. He’ll warm up. He usually does for all the girls.”
Med: “Seems like a real charmer.”
Y H: “Tell you the truth, you’re the first girl to come along who didn’t think so.”
Med: “I take that as a compliment.”
Y H: “Can I ask you sum’in’?”
Med: “Sure.”
Y H: “Don’t you think your parents-- miss you?”
Med: “My mother, maybe. My stepfather can rot in Tartarus, for all I care. He was jealous of my powers, so he treated me like a freak. Made him feel like a big man to lock me up. Said he had to keep his eye on me-- and that was all when he _wasn’t_ drunk.”
Y H: “Didn’t your mother do anything to stop him?”
Med: “No-- she was afraid of him. She had good reason to be.”
Y H: “Sorry.”
Med: “You know what’s weird? Sometimes I wish that I had stayed-- you know? Stand up to him-- tell him what he did was wrong-- instead of running. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked, but at least I would have known I tried.”
Y H: “Still can, ya know? If I had a chance to tell Zeus how _I_ feel-- I’d take it.”
Med: “I can’t. I’m afraid of my stepfather.”
Y H: “You know, sometimes you have to face your fears to move on, Medea-- but you don’t have to face them alone.”
Y I: “Hercules! Uh! Long time-- . So-- she the one?”
Y H: “It’s not like that.”
Y Ja: “Yeah, right.”
Y H: “Mt. Solayas is a night’s journey by sea. We need a boat.”
Y I: “That’s not a problem. I know a guy.”
Y H’s Voice: “Medea and I are gonna take a-- little detour.”
Y I: “Oh, a detour, huh?”
Y Ja: “Wait a minute. Where are you goin’?”
Y H: “She’s just got some things she needs to take care of back home.”
Y I: “Whoa-- meeting the parents. You big stud-muffin.”
Y Ja: “Yeah, it figures.”
Y H: “What’s your problem?”
Y Ja: “Well, it was your idea to slay the Ghidra, and now you’re runnin’ off with this girl that you hardly know.”
Y H: “It’s not gonna slow us down, Jason. It’s gonna take a while to find your guy, and by the time you’re ready to leave, we’ll be there.”
Y Ja: “Fine. Fine-- whatever.”
Med: “Ready?”
Y Ja: “He’s achin’ for it. Trust me. See ya later.”
Med: “-- all right, maybe you could stay for dinner.”
Y H: “Well, thank you very much.”
Med: “That’s my house. The Ghidra! [Cries] My mother!”
Y H: “I’m so sorry.”
Med [Crying]: “I’m such a coward! I should have stood up to him when I had the chance.”
Y H: “You had no idea this was gonna happen. It’s not your fault.”
Med: “Yes it is. I should never have left her. I should have taken care of her.”
Y H: “You had to take care of yourself. You did the right thing. If you had been here, you’d have been killed, too.”
Med: “Look at me-- I’m crying.”
Y H: “You don’t have to be so tough around me.”
Y H: “You OK?”
Med: “Yeah. [Sighs] No-- I don’t know. I know I’ll feel better when we find that Ghidra and slice it open.”
Y H: “You’ll get your chance.”
Med: “Thanks, Hercules. Thanks for everything.”
Y H: “I didn’t do anything.”
Med: “Yes, you did. You gave me the strength to face the truth. And I could tell you really cared. No one has before.”
Y H: “Well, to tell you the truth-- I-- was a little afraid of you when we first met.”
Med: “The son of Zeus-- afraid of me?”
Y H: “Sometimes, I get a little, uh-- tongue-tied-- around women.”
Med: “Uh-huh-- we’ll have to see what we can do about that.”
Y I: “Ah-h-h! Jason! You know _why_ the boat rocks back and forth?! So you don’t have to! Now, cut it out!”
Y Ja: “Excuse me. Am I interrupting your beauty sleep?”
Old Sailor: “A-a-a-ah!”
Y I: “As a matter of fact, yeah! What is the matter with you?!”
Y Ja [Sighs]: “I can’t sleep. Is that a crime?”
Y I: “You know? You’ve been no fun this trip. It’s like travelling with a rash. If you’re gonna be like this for the rest of the night, go sleep up on deck.”
Y Ja: “I’d love to, but, unfortunately, Mr. _Virtuous_ is up there-- losin’ his virtuosity.”
Y I: “Ah, so that’s what this is all about. You’re jealous.”
Y Ja: “Ha-- I am _not_ jealous of Hercules.”
Y I: “Yes, you are.”
Y Ja: “What do I have to be jealous about? I’m the king of Corinth.”
Y I: “We’re not _in_ Corinth.”
Y Ja: “Look-- I can have any girl in the land.”
Y I: “We’re on a _boat_. Look-- Hercules has always had the strength-- you’ve always had the girls. Tonight-- Hercules has the strength _and_ the girl. Need I say more?”
Y Ja: “No. No. I’ve heard enough. I’m gonna go sleep in the galley.”
Y I: “Fine. Sleep in the galley.”
A Sailor: “Hey!”
Y H: “Whoa! Medea.”
Med: “What’s wrong?”
Y H: “Nothing. Uh-- I just think we’re goin’ a little fast.”
Med: “Don’t you like me?”
Y H: “Yeah. Yeah, I like you a lot. But we just met this morning.”
Med: “So?”
Y H: “Y-y-you’ve been through a lot, today. And-- I don’t think that _you’re_ thinking clearly, and [Sighs]-- I feel I’d be takin’ advantage of that.”
Med: “Trust me. You’re not.”
Y H: “Medea! I’m serious.”
Med: “Ah, I feel really stupid.”
Y H: “No. No, look-- i-it’s not you. I-it’s me. I don’t think we should be in such a hurry.”
Med: “Fine.”
Y H: “Medea-- ”
Med: “I’m tired. I’m going to sleep.”
Y H: “Excuse me, sir? Can you tell us the way to Mt. Solayas?”
Wharfmaster: “About half a day’s hike west-- past the river. But I wouldn’t go there if I were you.”
Y I: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-- Ghidra. Big and scary. We know. Thank you.”
Y Ja: “Listen, why don’t you get us some food for the trip. I’ll fill the goatskins at the river and we’ll meet there.”
Med: “Jason, wait up. I’ll come with you.”
Man’s Voice [In Background]: “No, that’s all right-- ”
Y I: “Whoa, what was that about?”
Y H [Sighs]: “I don’t know. I think she’s mad at me.”
Y I: “What happened last night?”
Y H: “Nothing.”
Y I: What do you mean, ‘Nothing’?”
Y H: “I mean nothing. Nothing happened. I think that’s why she’s mad at me.”
Y I: “Weird. Hey, look-- I know we were teasing you earlier about being a virgin and all-- but if nothing happened last night, ‘cause _you_ didn’t want it to-- then you did the right thing.”
Y H: “I know. I just-- I feel like we got-- a good thing goin’ on here. I don’t wanna mess it up.”
Y I: “Listen-- buddy-- most guys are pigs-- including me. She’s probably just not used to being around a gentleman. She’ll come around.”
Y H: “Hope you’re right.”
Y I: “Let’s go get some breakfast.”
Med: “Jason, let me ask you something. What’s it like being a king at your age?”
Y Ja: “Well, it’s not so bad. I learn as I go, I guess.”
Med: “Yeah, but don’t you ever feel-- I don’t know-- out of place? I mean, you’re so young to be cooped up in a castle.”
Y Ja: “Yeah, it’s not like I have a choice.”
Med: “My point, exactly. I mean, most people your age are out-- having fun, doing crazy things-- falling in love.”
Y Ja: “Yeah, like you and Hercules.”
Med: “What makes you think Hercules and I are in love?”
Y Ja: “Come on-- it’s pretty obvious.”
Med: “If that’s what you think-- then ya haven’t been paying close attention. We’re just friends.”
Y Ja: “Just friends?”
Med: “Yeah.”
Y Ja: “You sure?”
Med: “Very.”
Y H: “Jason! You bastard.”
[ACT III]
Y Ja: “Hercules, wait! Hercules, hey! I can explain!”
Y H: “Don’t touch me! You sorry excuse for a king!”
Y Ja: “You’re gonna regret that.”
[Fight]
Y I’s Voice: “Guys! Break it up!”
Med: “Stop it! Come on!”
Y I: “Break it up!”
Med: “Don’t!”
Y Ja: “Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!”
Med: “Who do you think you are?! Oh, come on-- you gonna hit me now, too?!”
Y I: “Jason. Jas-- you OK?”
Med: “I didn’t make you any promises. If you think you’ve got some kinda claim on me, think again.”
Y H: “I don’t know what you think you’re doing here, Medea, but I’ll tell ya what-- I don’t want _anything_ to do with _you_!”
Y Ja: “Hercules, I-- I didn’t know.”
Y H: “I may be younger than you-- but I’m not stupid. No matter what she told you, you knew. How could you do that to me? And _you_-- ”
Y I: “Where are you going?”
Y H: “Go and finish what I’ve started.”
Y I: “Hold on. Hold on.”
Y H: “Iolaus, there’s nothin’ to talk about.”
Y I: “Well, I think there _is_.”
Y H: “Well, what do you wanna hear, man? That I’m stupid for thinkin’ I was fallin’ in love with her?”
Y I: “No! You took a chance-- you got burned! But that doesn’t make you stupid!”
Y H: “I thought Jason was my friend. I can’t believe he did this.”
Y I: “Look-- you feel the way you feel. I can’t _blame_ you for it.”
Y H: “All right! So, what else do you wanna talk about?”
Y I: “OK-- OK-- I’m gonna tell you something-- and you’re not gonna like it. Sometimes, it’s hard to be your friend.”
Y H: “What?”
Y I: “Look, I’m no oracle. There are a lot of things I don’t understand. But from the first day I met you-- I just _knew_ that you were destined for something the rest of us could only dream about! People like me-- and Jason-- normal people-- we’ll be lucky if our names are even mentioned in the same _breath_ as yours. And that is not always easy to live with.”
Y H: “Why are you defending him? If you’re gonna tell me that jealousy makes people do stupid things, you can forget it-- ‘cause that’s no excuse.”
Y I: “No, it’s not-- ”
Y H: “Well, if I’m just so hard to be around, why don’t you just leave?”
Y I: “’Cause I’m a better person for _knowing_ you. Hey, I used to be a thief! Remember? And yeah, Jason made a mistake-- a big one! But if you could just give him _half_ a chance-- you might be a better person for it, too.”
Y Ja: “I am so stupid!”
Med: “It’s my fault, Jason. I-- I lied to you. Things weren’t working out with Hercules and I didn’t know how to let him down. I should never have kissed you.”
Y Ja: “No, we’re both to blame. Hercules and I have been friends for a long time. He was right. I knew how he felt about you. I can’t let him fight the Ghidra alone.”
Med: “Wait. You’re the last person he wants to see right now. Besides, we both know he can handle it. You’re hurt. I can heal that.”
Y Ja [Interrupts]: “No. Don’t-- please.”
Med: “At least, let me make a poultice. It’s a really deep cut.”
Hera’s Voice: “Boys will be boys.”
Med: “Hera.
Hera: “Especially when a pretty face comes along.”
Med: “Killing my mother was never a part of our agreement.”
Hera: “Our agreement is whatever I _say_ it is! And I did that for you. Your mother turned a blind eye, while your stepfather robbed you of your innocence. She deserved to die-- as much as he did.”
Med: “I hated her for letting it happen. But I never wanted her to die. I loved her.”
Hera: “Never mind that. I’m the only one who can help you-- who can give you the power you want-- _true_ power-- to destroy any man who wrongs you.”
Med: “I did what you commanded. I split Jason and Hercules apart.”
Hera: “But Jason still wants to help his friends! Only together can they stop the Ghidra! You must keep him here-- until Hercules is dead! Then you will have your reward!”
Y H: “This looks like the place.”
Y I: “Are you sure?”
Y H: “Only one way to find out.”
Y H: “Yep-- this is it.”
Y I: “I think I know that guy. Oop.”
Y H: “Hey.”
Y I: “Maybe it’s full.”
Y H: “Let’s hope it doesn’t snack between meals.”
Y I: “You, uh-- you ever killed a monster before?”
Y H: “Yeah. The snake, remember? Ares’ cavern?”
Y I: “Maybe you should go first.”
Y H: “What, are you scared?”
Y I: “No. Yeah.”
Y H: “Me, too.”
Y Ja: “I can’t do this.”
Med: “What are you talking about?”
Y Ja: “I-I feel like I’m running away. And if I don’t go back, I won’t be able to live with myself.”
Med: “Jason, don’t! You can’t! He doesn’t want your help!”
Y Ja: “He’s my friend.”
Hera: “Kill him, Medea! It’s the only way.”
Med: “I can’t.”
Y Ja: “What’s goin’ on?”
Hera: “Kill him now-- or I will.”
Med: “It’s Hera. Jason, run!”
Hera: “You stupid, stupid girl! I could have given you _real_ power! Let me show you what you’re missing!”
Y Ja: [Screams]
[ACT IV]
Y I: “So, where is it?”
Y H: “How should I know?”
Y I: “Maybe we should have made an appointment. You didn’t tell me it has two heads.”
Y H: “It slipped my mind.”
Y I: “Anything else you forgot to mention?”
Y H: “Yeah. The stinger on that tail-- it’s instant death.”
Y I: “Anything else?”
Y H: “Yeah. It breathes fire, too. Duck!”
Y I: “Anything else?”
Y H: “No, that’s about it.”
Y Ja [Sighs]: “What happened?”
Med: “You’re all right, now.”
Y Ja: “I don’t understand.”
Med: “Come on. I’ll explain on the way. Your friends need you.”
Y H: “You ready?”
Y I: “No.”
Y H: “Yes, you are. We gotta work together here.”
[Fight]
Y I [Yells]: “It’s gonna blow!”
Y H: “That’s one tough Ghidra.”
Y I: “Yeah, tell me about it. Whoo. Whoa!”
Y H: “I think I made it angry.”
Y I: “Ah, you didn’t tell me it could do that.”
Y H: “I didn’t _know_ it could do that.”
Y Ja: “Ah-h-h-h!”
Y H: “What are you doing here?”
Y Ja: “I came to help.”
Y H: “Why should I believe you?”
Y I: “I believe we could _use_ the help? See what I mean?! Whoa!”
YH: “OK-- you take the _right_ head. You take the _left_ head. I’m goin’ up through the middle.”
Y Ja: “Right.”
Y H: “Ready? Break!”
Y I: “Hey!”
Y H: “The tail! Get the tail!”
Y I: “This is getting personal.”
Y Ja: “Who-o-o-o-oa!”
Y H: “I think it’s going very well.”
Y I: “We’re gaining on him.”
Y H: “Jason. Stick the tail! Jason! Get it in the gut!”
Y I: “Yes! Yeah! Ooh! We bad! Ooh!”
Y H: “Yeah, you bad, all right.”
Med: “I know I hurt you, Hercules. You’re the first guy I ever trusted. You’re decent. I just didn’t realize that until it was too late.”
Y H: “Is that why you came back? To tell me you were sorry?”
Med: “No, I came back because I care about you. And if you still feel anything at all for me-- try to forgive me.”
Y Ja: “She’s tellin’ the truth, Hercules. Hera used Medea to turn us against each other.”
Y H: “Hera.”
Hera: “Come now, Hercules! Did you think I would tolerate my husband’s infidelity lightly?!”
Y H: “That’s between you and Zeus.”
Hera: “No! _You’re_ between us! But if you die a horrible death-- maybe he’ll think _twice_ next time before his eyes start to wander! Before he fathers any more _half-mortal_ mongrels like you! And you, my poor girl-- I had _such_ high hopes for you-- but you shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep! That’s a lesson _I’ll_ have to teach you!”
Y H: “Stay away from her!”
Med: “There’s nothing you can do.”
Y H: “No.”
Med: “I’m sorry.”
Y H: “Medea! [Echoes]”
Hera’s Voice [Laughs]: “I’ll be seeing you, Hercules.”
Y H: “You can count on it.”
Y Ja: “Hercules.”
Y I: “Oh. I’ll just-- be over there.”
Y Ja: “I’m sorry. She was-- ”
Y H: “Yeah. I wanna thank you?”
Y Ja: “Thank me?”
Y H: “For coming back. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
Y Ja: “Does this mean we’re still friends?”
Y H: “Even better than before. You comin’?”
Y Ja: “Right behind you.”
Ja: “When did you _really_ forgive me?”
H: “Last week.” [They laugh.]
I: “Yeah. Well, I wasn’t sure you guys would get over that.”
Ja: “I guess we were both-- victims of Hera’s vengeance.”
H: “No, I think-- Medea was the real victim. But her wounds ran so deep-- that we all felt them.”
