Herc and Seek Transcript (Dialogue Only)
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Herc and Seek
This is a transcript of the dialogue of the episode Herc and Seek, as aired, transcribed by Bryn. To see descriptive prose between the lines of dialogue, see Herc and Seek Transcript.
Hercules: You're sure you have enough food to feed all the cadets?
Kora: You're not going to get rowdy, are you?
Jason: Us? Rowdy? Nah, we're model citizens.
Iolaus: And, uh - we still get a group discount, all right?
Kora: Is Cheiron gonna be here?
Hercules: Maybe.
Iolaus: Yeah.
Jason: No.
Lilith: Uh... we don't know yet.
Kora: Well, I'm gonna need at least one responsible adult here.
Hercules: Uh... just give us a second?
Jason: Who do we got?
Iolaus: Fiducius. He's the only one around.
Iolaus: Come on. He's the world's biggest party-pooper.
Jason: Well, that automatically qualifies him as an adult.
Hercules: All right. It's settled, then.
Lilith: We'll bring Fiducius.
Kora: Fine. You gonna be helping out, Curly?
Iolaus: Oh, I'm gonna be-
Jason: If he says yes, does that have any bearing on our deal?
Kora: Well, I'll need a larger security deposit.
Hercules: I'm telling you guys, this is gonna be a day that we will never, ever forget.
Neolun: The boss is right. This couldn't be easier. While the toy soldiers are here partying, we'll be at the academy, stealing all the tuition money.
~*~
Boy's Voice: Hey, guys. How are ya?
Fiducius: This seems like an awful lot for food.
Hercules: We made a deal for thirty-six dinars. That's good.
Fiducius: Thirty-seven. No, not thirty-seven... where was I? Um, twe-twenty...
Hercles, Iolaus, Jason, and Lilith: Twenty-four.
Fiducius: I'll have to start over. One.
~*~
Neolun: Okay, boss. Everyone's in position.
Cratus: Good. Nobody moves until I give the signal.
~*~
Fiducius: Ten.
Jason: This is gonna take forever.
Fiducius: Eleven.
Hercules: Lilith, listen, can you go tell the others to start for Kora's? We'll meet 'em there, all right?
Lilith: Okay.
Fiducius: Twelve.
Hercules: Thank you. Iolaus, just, uh...
Fiducius: Thirteen.
Hercules: ...keep Fiducius counting, all right? And whatever you do...
Fiducius: Fourteen.
Hercules: ...don't let him start over, again. Okay?
Fiducius: Fifteen.
Jason: Let's get the rest of the survival kits we hid in the stables.
Fiducius: Sixteen.
Hercules: All right.
Fiducius: Seventeen.
Iolaus: Eighteen. Eighteen.
~*~
Lilith: Okay, guys, listen up. You go ahead to Kora's. We'll see you there.
Boy's Voice: Let's go! All right!
Cratus: Oh, we didn't mean to startle you. We're looking for a friend of ours. Iolaus?
Lilith: He's inside. I'll get him for you.
Cratus: Oh, no. Oh, we'd much rather this were a surprise.
Hercules: Whoa, whoa.
Jason: Who are those guys?
~*~
Fiducius: Twenty-two.
Cratus' Voice: Hello?
Fiducius: I better see who that is.
Iolaus: Ah, no, no, no! You keep counting. Twenty-two.
Fiducius: Twenty... three.
Iolaus: Cratus.
Cratus: Iolaus, old buddy.
Iolaus: Hey, how you doing?
Cratus: Good.
Iolaus: Keeping out of trouble?
Cratus: Hmm, of course.
Iolaus: So, um... so, what're you doin here?
Cratus: Call it... a reunion... of the old gang.
Iolaus: Huh?
Lilith: Iolaus? What's up with your friends?
Cratus: Meletus, saddle up their horses.
Meletus: Yes, Cratus.
Cratus: We'll be leaving soon.
~*~
Hercules: The Lowacks. They're the most dangerous gang of thieves around. Iolaus used to run with them.
Jason: Well, what are they doing here? There's nothing to steal here. There's just...
Jason and Hercules: Tuition money.
Hercules: Of course. Cheiron's back at his village. We're supposed to be at Kora's with the cadets.
Jason: They're stealing our money. Let's take 'em!
Hercules: Whoa, hold on a second. Listen, you're forgetting, we still got Lilith and Iolaus in there? We push these guys too far... we don't know what they'll do.
Jason: I'll run after the cadets, send one to get the magistrate, and come back with the rest.
Hercules: All right. Perfect. I'll stall 'em.
Jason: How're you gonna do that? You're all alone.
Hercules: Yeah, well.. they don't know that. Listen, good luck.
Act One
Meletus: Ah, this medallion's gotta be worth something.
~*~
Cratus: Tie them up and gag 'em.
Lilith: What? What are you talking-
Iolaus: Cratus, what are you doing?! These are my friends!
Cratus: Oh, what a shame. I thought we were your friends. Tie up Iolaus, too.
~*~
Hercules: Bye-bye.
~*~
Cratus: The horses! You stay here with the money! Bring him with us!
~*~
Neolun: Meletus! What're you doing?!
Cratus: I got it covered. By the time the magistrate gets here, we'll be long gone.
Iolaus: Did you plan on them?
Neolun: Boss, let's get out of here.
Cratus: Not without the money. They're just a bunch 'a wannabe warriors. Inside! Now! Move it!
Jason: Spread out!
~*~
Cratus: Post somebody at every opening!
Neolun: Okay.
Cratus: Move!
Neolun: Cover every opening! Go! Go! Move!
~*~
Iolaus: Hey, uh, you do know that bunch of wannabe warriors is led by Jason. Jason, as in the crown-prince-of-Corinth- Jason?
Neolun: Boss, maybe we should talk this over.
Cratus: No. Jason, can you hear me? I got hostages in here. If you don't want any of them hurt, you won't do anything foolish.
Eager Cadet: We should attack now, before they fortify their positions!
Jason: No-- we can't afford to rush in. All right! We're not coming in!
Cratus: No tricks. Stay where we can see you.
~*~
Neolun: This was supposed to be easy! Hit the academy while the students were at Kora's!
Iolaus: And now, you're trapped in here.
Cratus: Stay cool. We just leave a little later than planned.
Neolun: Oh, and how're we suppossed to do that?
Cratus: I'm working on it. Okay. Post Guillen as a lookout. He's our best archer. Take the girl to the dining hall. Put the old man in the dorm. He stays with me.
~*~
Thieves: Get in there. Get another gag. Quiet.
~*~
Jason: What'd you see?
Eager Cadet: Just what you thought. They're moving the hostages to different rooms.
Jason: Ahh-- smart move. Makes it impossible to rush ‘em. We wait. Hurry up, Hercules.
~*~
Iolaus: What's the matter? Your plan falling apart?
Neolun: Why don't you keep quiet?
Cratus: How about you tell your buddies out there to let us take the money and leave? So that way, nobody gets hurt.
Iolaus: Well, how about you just leave?
Cratus: How about you help us? Come on. You must have snuck out of this dump plenty'a times.
Iolaus: Now, why would I help you?
Cratus: Remember Dorfus?
Iolaus: Yeah, he beat me up for a whole week. I remember him.
Cratus: Till I showed you how to keep him from picking on you. I was there for you when your old man wasn't.
Iolaus: Yeah, and I thank you for that. So, why are you being a jerk now?
Cratus: Well, the way I see it, I'm the reason they gave you the choice between going to jail and joining the academy.
Iolaus: Ah, they couldn't prove anything.
Cratus: That's because I didn't talk. So I figure, you owe me. We need a guide outta here.
Iolaus: They are not just gonna let you walk outta here.
Cratus: We're waiting until it's dark, and then we're sneaking out. And you're leading us. I'm gonna check on the others. Make him comfortable.
Iolaus: Hercules?
Hercules: Hi. Sh-sh-sh. Sh-sh. Listen. Over there.
Iolaus: I've got a point?
Hercules: No. There.
Iolaus: I gotta p-? You gotta point?
Neolun: Huh?
Iolaus: Uh... you've got a point. You know, you gotta leave when it's... dark, so, uh... so they won't... see you.
Hercules: Sh. Listen to me. The chest.
Iolaus: Oh, the chest. okay, okay.
Hercules: Get them to walk away. Walk away.
Iolaus: Uh, I'm-I'm walking.
Hercules: No, no, not you. Not you.
Iolaus: We're walking a-away. Walking... walking away?
Neolun: What?
Iolaus: Uh, y-you'll be walking away, you know... wh-when you've got the money, y-you'll, uh... be walking... away.
Hercules: Get out the back.
Iolaus: Uh-uh.
Hercules: Out the back.
Iolaus: I got something on my back?
Hercules: No, not your back. The back.
Iolaus: You got something on your back?
Hercules: No, not my back. The back.
Iolaus: You've got through... through the back? Oh, through the back!
Cratus: Through the back what?
Iolaus: Uh, yeah, yeah... I was just thinking out loud. You know, uh... ways to help your plan?
Cratus: I knew you'd come around.
Iolaus: And I was thinking, if you, uh... want to dig an opening in the back wall, then I could... show you where to do it. You know, if you promise no one gets hurt.
Cratus: Well, you've got my word.
Iolaus: Okay.
Cratus: For now.
Neolun: I know you, Cratus. There's more to your plan than just crawling out the back when it's dark.
Cratus: Did I forget to tell you about the fire? Oh, just a little diversion to keep the cadets busy. We'll get a few of the boys to spread a little lamp oil around.
Act Two
Iolaus: You know, I'm not sure, but I think... it's over here. Yeah. No? Huh. Okay, uh... well, maybe it's over here somewhere.
Neolun: This better be the place. Or the next hole we dig is gonna be for you.
Iolaus: It's over there.
~*~
Jason: We're losing the sun. Hercules, where are you?
Neolun: Boss. why don't we divvy up the money now? That way, we can travel faster.
Iolaus: Oh, no, no, no! I think you should keep it together! I think your chances are much better-
Neolun: But you're not even in the gang, anymore! Remember?
Cratus: Where's the money?
Iolaus: I don't know. Maybe you should check Neolun's pockets!
Neolun: I've heard all I can stand from your smart mouth!
Nezzas: A little lamp oil, a torch, and before you know it, the barbecue begins.
Hercules: Shhh! Hi.
Lilith: Hi. I'll free Fiducius.
Hercules: No, no, no, no, listen. Go find Jason. Tell him they're gonna set a fire out the back to cover their escape, Okay? And listen, don't do anything until I give you the signal.
Lilith: Well, what's the signal?
Nezzas: Help! Intruder!
Hercules: Go. Go!
Nezzas: Help!
~*~
Cratus: That's Nezzas. Come on!
~*~
Neolun: She's disappeared!
Cratus: Just like the money. Someone's sneaking around in here.
Nezus: It was a cadet.
Cratus: And you knew about it all along! So that's why you led us out of the room.
Iolaus: So you guys ready to give up? Huh? I mean, you don't have the money, right?
Cratus: We still got the old guy. And you.
~*~
Cratus: Whoever you are, your little game is up! We have the old guy! If you don't want him hurt, you'll bring us the money, now!
Neolun: Hey, that's not the old guy.
~*~
Cratus: The hostages are gettin' away! Guillen, stop them!
Iolaus: Yeah!
Lilith: Come on!
Jason's Voice: This way! Over here!
Cratus: No lily-livered dirtbag of a cadet is gonna ruin my plan.
Neolun: Great! Let me turn this worm into bait.
Cratus: Not yet. Hey, mystery man? How about a trade? Iolaus's life for the money.
Hercules's Voice: Over here - catch me if you can!
~*~
Fiducius: Can't we wait till Cheiron gets back?
Lilith: We don't have time. Now, Hercules said he's gonna set up a fire to cover the escape out the back.
Fiducius: Oh, dear, the academy!
Jason: Where's Iolaus?
Lilith: He's still inside. Hercules said to wait for the signal.
Jason: What's the signal?
Lilith: He didn't have time to say.
Jason: Be prepared to attack on my order. Stay alert!
~*~
Cratus: Find the money. It's gotta be in a bag somewhere. You left us for this? Schoolbooks and playing warrior.
Iolaus: Yeah, I know. How could I be so dumb? Just think of all the old ladies I coulda robbed if I'd stayed with you.
Cratus: Bigshot cadet. Who's the little old lady now?
Neolun: No money!
Cratus: Wise guy! I guess you want to watch your friend fry! Get the oil! You should have told your friend that I mean what I say. Your aching body'll be our safe ticket out of here.
Iolaus: Oh, come on, Cratus, you're not gonna hurt me... are you?
Cratus: Nezzas. Get the torch.
Nezzas: Sure, boss.
Cratus: Time for Plan B. We won't wait till it gets dark. Neolun - you and the others guard the back, and cover us while we get this little barbecue going.
Neolun: Right.
Cratus: Let's see if that friend of yours cares much about a fellow cadet.
~*~
Fiducius: They're gonna burn the academy!
Jason: That must be the signal.
Lilith: Yeah.
Jason: Let's go! Come on!
~*~
Cratus: Torch it.
Hercules-in-Disguise: I don't think so.
Cratus: What'd you say? Hercules! You're the one who's been running around in here!
Hercules: Well. Looks like Plan B didn't work out as you had hoped, huh?
Neolun: Yeah, it did!
Iolaus: Hercules - you got this figured out, right?
Hercules: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Cratus: Get him.
Iolaus: Uh, whoa. Uh...
Cratus: Not so tough now, mighty Hercules.
Iolaus: Herc, you wanna make this a short fight? Huh?
Jason: Wow!
Iolaus: Herc. Herc, come on! Any time, Herc!
Hercules: Hey.
Iolaus: Hey.
Hercules: How you doing?
Iolaus: Uh, good.
Hercules: Good.
Iolaus: Uh, you wanna cut me loose?
Hercules: Oh, yeah. Good idea.
Iolaus: Ready?
Hercules: Ready.
Iolaus and Hercules: Go!
Cadets' Voices: Quickly! Put out the fire! Grab water! Quickly!
Jason: All right, lowlife! Call off your playmates! Do it!
Cratus: Okay! Enough! Iolaus. You owe me. Get me out of this.
Iolaus: Uh, Cratus... you taught me how to steal, helped me out for a while. But that was a long time ago. I don't owe you a thing.
Jason: Get 'em out of here!
Cratus: Cadets.
Fiducius: The tuition money! Where'd they take it?
Iolaus: Well, I don't know. You better ask, uh, 'Mr. Cadet' over here.
Hercules: Come here. Here's your real hero.
Jason: Well, I guess that dummy's got a heart of gold.
Fiducius: Shall I take that?
Hercules: Oh, I don't know, Fiducius. I think I should. Oh, yeah, I should count this out for the party.
Iolaus: Hey, uh, Jason...
Jason: Take care of this.
Iolaus: Hey!
