Down and Out in Academy Hills Shooting Draft
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Down and Out in Academy Hills
Episode #13
Production #V0813
Written by: Michael Edens
Directed by: Andrew Merrifield
Shooting Draft - May 18, 1998
Full Script - June 01, 1998
Pages 1-5, 12-16, 23A-23C - June 09, 1998
Pages 10, 13, 15, 23C-23E - June 10, 1998
Pacific Island Pictures, LTD, All Rights Reserved © 1998
Cast List
Hercules
Jason
Iolaus - (ee-OH-lus)
Cheiron - (KI-ron)
Lilith
Kora
Hera (V.O.)
Hephaestus
Arges - (Ar-guess)
Lycurges - (lye-KUR-geez)(Non-speaking) *
Merchant
Linas - (LYE-nass) *
Set List
Interiors:
Cheiron's Academy - Dorm
Cheiron's Academy - Dining Hall
Cheiron's Academy - Training Hall
Kora's Inn
Shepherd's Hut
Mount Olympus - Forge of the Gods
Cave of the Giant
Exteriors:
Cheiron's Academy - Courtyard
Cheiron's Academy - Main Gate *
Cheiron's Academy - Front Wall *
Stream *
Farther Upstream *
Shepherd's Hut
The Sky (Day and Night)
Mountains
Meadow Near a Cliff
Pond *
Other Side of Pond *
FADE IN:
EXT. POND - DAY
HERCULES, JASON, and IOLAUS are enjoying a day off from the academy, doing a little fishing. Jasona and Iolaus have fishing poles with lines cast into the pond. Hercules tends a small campfire over which a good-sized fish is grilling on a spit. Hercules lifts the spitted fish from the flames and examines it.
Hercules I don't know what you guys are going to do for lunch, but mine's almost done.
As they fish, Jason and Iolaus look over at Hercules. Iolaus licks his lips hungrily.
Iolaus How 'bout we share? I'll give you half of my fish -- when I catch one.
Jason Give Hercules a break. It's hard to split something that small.
Suddenly Jason reacts to a tug on his line.
Jason (joyful whoop) He's a fighter!
Iolaus pulls out his line to watch and Hercules joins them as Jason struggles briefly with the fish on his line and then lands a beautiful fish, easily half again as big as Hercules' fish. Jason holds the fish up, admiring it.
Jason Man, he's a beauty!
Hercules (dead-pan humor) I see the bait, Jason, but where's the fish?
Iolaus Not exactly king-size, is it?
Jason Go ahead and laugh, but we'll have to build a bigger fire to cook this guy.
Iolaus turns back to the pond and casts his line in the water.
Iolaus While you two are serving up the appetizers, I'll catch the main course.
Suddenly Iolaus' line goes taut.
Iolaus Whoa! What'd I tell ya! Man, this is a whale!
Iolaus struggles to land his catch, almost falling into the water, but when he pulls it in, we see that he's hooked an old boot. Hercules and Jason ger a big laugh, much to Iolaus's chagrin.
Hercules (laughing) Try again, Iolaus! Maybe you'll catch one for your left foot!
Jason (laughing) Now we know what's for lunch -- fillet of sole!
Iolaus Very funny.
Iolaus tips the water out of the boot and, along with the water, easily the biggest fish of the day flops out.
Iolaus Yes! I am the master!
Hercules and Jason look at Iolaus' catch, chagrined.
EXT. THE SKY - DAY
A few clouds drift in the sky. Suddenly there's a flash of light and a sound like THUNDER. Arms and legs flailing, the god HEPPHAESTUS flies out of a cloud and plummets toward the Earth --
EXT. POND - DAY
Iolaus, Jason, and Hercules look up at the sky, puzzled.
Iolaus Funny? Those clouds don't look like rain.
EXT. OTHER SIDE OF POND - DAY
Hephaestus falls into the pond with a huge splash, letting out a TREMENDOUS GOD-LIKE SHOUT which is cut short as he hits the water.
EXT. POND - DAY
Hercules, Jason, and Iolaus look at one another, puzzled.
Iolaus What was that?
Hercules (apprehensive) We'd better find out.
Laying aside their fishing gear, they hurry off to the other side of the pond.
EXT. MOUNTAINS - DAY
Hephaestus' SHOUT ECHOES among the rocky mountain crags.
INT. CAVE OF THE GIANT - DAY
In a metal-worker's smoky, hot cave, an angry MERCHANT holds a poorly executed, two-foot tall bronze statuette.
Merchant (complaining) I paid you to make this look like my daughter!
Bent over the forge, HIS BACK TO THE CAMERA, ARGES doesn't turn to address the Merchant.
Arges (dismissive) You looked at your daughter lately?
Merchant Next time I'll take my business to Hephaestus!
Suddenly HEPHAESTUS' ECHOING CRY is heard (distant, O.S.) Arges stops his work abruptly. It's not until he turns TOWARD THE CAMERA and stands up that we see that he is a GIANT (30 feet tall) and wearing boots.
Arges is not happy!
Arges I know that voice!
Arges picks up a blowtorch-like device.
Arges Now we'll see who's really the best!
Arges fires his blowtorch like a flamethrower, making the scared Merchant leap aside.
EXT. OTHER SIDE OF POND - DAY
Hephaestus floats in the water, dazed, as Hercules, Jason, and Iolaus rush up on the bank. Jason is the first to spot him.
Jason Look!
Hercules rushes into the water, followed by Jason and Iolaus. They drag Hephaestus onto the bak of the pond. Jason and Iolaus exchange worried looks with Hercules.
Iolaus You don't think he's -- ?
But then Hephaestus coughs and splutters, coming around. Hercules helps Hephaestus sit up.
Hercules Easy. Everything's all right. What happened? Who are you?
Hephaestus looks at them, dazed, and struggles to remember.
Hephaestus I'm... I... I don't remember.
Hercules and Iolaus and Jason exchange concerned looks as, we:
FADE OUT.
Act One
FADE IN:
INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DINING HALL - DAY
Jason and Iolaus watch in amazement as Hephaestus sits at a table in the academy dining hall hungrily wolfing down an unappetizing-looking oatmeal porridge and stacks of oat cakes. His manners are gross, messy -- wiping his mouth with his sleeve, etc.
Hephaestus (spooning in porridge) Um. Good. (swallows) I've never tasted anything like this before.
Jason (wryly) I never did either -- until I came to the academy.
Hephaestus sops up the last of the porridge with an oat cake and stuffs the oat cake in his mouth. He pushes the empty bowl across the table toward Jason and Iolaus.
Hephaestus (mouth full) More.
Iolaus takes the bowl, looking at it unbelievingly -- he can't believe somebody could really want more of this stuff.
Iolaus If that's what you want, Fish
Jason (puzzled, to Iolaus) Fish?
Iolaus We pulled him out of a pond -- we've gotta call him something.
As Hephaestus reaches for another oat cake and pulls it apart, stuffing the pieces into his mouth, Iolaus gives Jason a "do you believe this guy" look as he starts off to get the oatmeal. Hercules stands with CHEIRON on the other side of the room, watching Hephaestus eat.
Cheiron You did well.
Hercules We couldn't just leave him there. He doesn't even remember who he is.
Hercules looks over at Hephaestus scratching his belly and burping.
Cheiron No man is without a past. Someone will come for him, or his memory will return. Until then, I'm sure you'll make him feel welcome.
Herc, looking at Hephaestus chugging some water, is less than thrilled. Hephaestus BELCHES.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. ACADEMY DORM - NIGHT
Hephaestus lies in his cot, sleeping fitfully, obviously having an unsettling dream. As he MOANS and GROANS...
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. MOUNT OLYMPUS - FORGE OF THE GODS - NIGHT
Hehaestus' dream/nightmare: dramatic CLOSE-UPS of metalworking -- a furnace with flames that ROAR like an einferno heats a bar of iron red hot as a bellows HOWLS like a hurricane, making the flames leap higher with each howl of the bellows; sparks fly like lightning as the red hot iron is pounded on an anvil with a hammer that RINGS LOUDLY like a clap of thunder; the hot iron is plunged in water where it HISSES like a geyser. There's a flash of god-like power and then:
EXT. THE SKY - NIGHT
-- Hephaestus is falling, falling, down through the sky like we saw him in the Teaser.
INT. ACADEMY DORM - NIGHT
Awakening, Hephaestus sits up with a start on his cot. Hephaestus is gasping for breath and sweating. He reacts startled as Hercules reaches in and lays a hand on his shoulder.
Hercules Are you all right? You were crying out in your sleep.
Hephaestus, still dazed and shaken by his nightmare, looks up at Hercules standing beside his cot.
Hephaestus Bad dream. I saw... things. I don't know.
Hercules kneels down beside Hephaestus' cot, looking at Hephaestus, who avoids his eyes.
Hercules
You saw things? What kind of things? Do you remember?
Hephaestus A forge. I... I think I worked there. But my mother thought it wasn't good enough -- working with my hands, making things. She threw me out. I don't remember, but... I think...
Troubled, Hephaestus falls silent.
Hercules (encouraging) What is it?
Hephaestus glances at him and then looks away again, embarrassed.
Hephaestus I wanted her to approve. I wanted her to notice me.
We can tell from the expression on Herc's face that Hephaestus' words have touched him.
Hercules I'm sure she will one day. (then) What about your father?
Hephaestus (struggling to remember) Father? I... I don't remember.
Hercules stands, looking down at Hephaestus.
Hercules Don't worry. Cheiron says it'll come back to you. Now try to get some sleep.
As Hephaestus rolls over to go back to sleep, Hercules stands over him, watchin him thoughtfully.
Hephaestus Yes. Sleep.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. ACADEMY TRAINING HALL - THE NEXT MORNING
Hercules, Jason, Iolaus, and LILITH enter the training hall and find Hephaestus tinkering with the spinning warrior Mannequin.
Hercules You're wasting your time, Fish. That's broken.
As they gather around, Hephaestus barely glances at them as he considers the Mannequin, making a few last minute adjustments.
Hephaestus I fixed it. Made a few adjustments. Improvements. It'll work better now.
Iolaus pulls a practice sword from a weapons rack and steps up to the Mannequin.
Iolaus Why bother? It's strictly for beginners. See.
Iolaus disdainfully strikes the Mannequin with his practice sword. The Mannequin spins (in place) super-fast. Iolaus is unprepared, and one of the Mannequin's hands snags Iolaus' hair. Iolaus and the Mannequin spin super-fast, Iolaus YELLING in surprise. Lilith, Jason and Hercules look at Hephaestus.
Lilith Make it stop!
Hephaestus (shrugs) I can't.
Iolaus continues to spin and YELL.
Jason I'll get him.
Jason leaps at Iolaus, but only succeeds in getting kicked across the room. Hercules picks up a sword. Lilith looks at him with concern.
Lilith What are you doing?
Hercules Trying not to miss.
He raises the sword, waits for his moment, then slices down. The sword cuts Iolaus' hair, just where the Mannequin had hold of him, cutting him loose. Iolaus YELLS as he flies across the room and slams into a stack of equipment. As the others hurry over, a sore Iolaus holds the end of his hair which got the slight trim.
Iolaus Thanks for the trim -- (grimaces at bruises) -- I think.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. SHEPHERD'S HUT - DAY
It's a small hut in a clearing. The hut has a door and a window.
INT. SHEPHERD'S HUT - DAY
The SHEPHERD sits on a stool at a small wooden table in the hut. A bowl of soup is on the table. As the Shepherd starts to eat, we hear the STOMPING OF HUGE FOOTSTEPS and ripples appear in the surgace of the soup in the bowl as the ground shakes. Surprised and curious, the Shepherd looks up from the soup and is shocked to see the huge face of Arges the Giant peering in through the window at him.
With a STARTLED SQUAWK, the shepherd tumbles backward off his stool, knocking the table over, sending soup flying.
EXT. SHEPHERD'S HUT - DAY
Arges stands up beside the shepherd's hut, looking around angrily.
Arges Where are you, you worthless, peiece of metal-working god-trash?!
Arges angrily stomps off.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. KORA'S INN - DAY
Lilith, Hercules, Jason, and Iolaus sit at a table in Kora's Inn with Hephaestus, finishing off the remains of a meal. Hephaestus ignores them, rummaging around in a leather pouch. Hercules nudges Iolaus and indicates Hephaestus with a jerk of his head. Iolaus rolls his eyes at Hercules and then turns to Hephaestus with an encouraging smile.
Iolaus So, Fish, what's in the pouch?
Hephaestus Things.
Hephaestus pulls out bits and pieces of mechanical gear, like he's carrying around a disassembled grandfather clock in the pouch -- gears, springs, counterweights, armatures, coiled metal tubing.
Lilith (interested) What are you working on?
Hephaestus Don't know yet.
Hercules exchanges a "do you understand this guy" look with Jason and Iolaus, then stands up.
Hercules Maybe we'd better get back to the academy.
They all stand, except Hephaestus, and head over toward KORA at the counter. Hephaestus finally realizes they've left him and scoops his stuff into his pouch and scurries over to join them.
An excited Kora is indicating a pottery urnon the counter with a sterno-like flame under it as Hephaestus reaches them. A small plate of roasted coffee beans lies near it.
Kora I've got something new on the meny that's going to be a real money-maker! (sighs) This place could sure use one.
Jason What is it?
Kora I haven't figured out what to call it, but it's made from these dried beans from Ethiopia.
Iolaus (ironic) Um. Dried beans. Always my favorite.
As Kora talks, Hephaestus looks thoughtfully at the pottery urn on the counter, where the new item's being prepared. He starts pulling things out of his pouch. As Kora describes the new item and how it's prepared, we realize she's talking about coffee.
Kora (O.S.) No, you don't understand. You grind the beans up and then you boil them in water.
Hercules looks with knowing superiority over at Jason and Iolaus.
Hercules It's bean soup.
Kora No, 'cause after it's boiled, you throw the ground beans away.
Iolaus Well, that's a waste.
Kora And then you drink the water.
Jason You really think people will pay to drink old bean water?
Kora Well, you add milk first.
Suddenly we hear the WHOOSH and GURGLE of a cappuccino-maker. They all look over to Hephaestus, who in a brief time has put together a Rube Goldberg cappuccino-maker from the pottery urn and the odds and ends he carries in his pouch.
Hephaestus Not bad.
Hephaestus takes a sip from a cup and licks a foam "mustache" off his upper lip.
Hephaestus Needs cinnamon.
Hercules, Jason, Iolaus, Lilith, and Kora look at Hephaestus and then one another in open-mouthed surprise.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. ACADEMY COURTYARD - DAY
Hercules takes Hephaestus to a small open shed (three wooden walls and a roof with an open front) attached to the side of an academy building. The shed is set up as a blacksmith shop with an anvil and a small furnace. Hammers and other tools hang on the walls.
Hercules I talked it over with Cheiron. We think you'll like it here. There's always a lot of stuff that needs to be repaired.
Hephaestus wanders into the shed, touching the anvil and other items, like someone in a daze.
Hercules Look, Fish. That thing you made at Kora's. How'd you do that?
Hephaestus It was easy. Ideas come to me. I look at something... and see what it could be.
Hercules I've never met anyone who could make things like you. It's almost not... human. Like you've been given a gift by the gods...
Hephaestus puts a hand to his head, trying to remember.
Hephaestus Gods? I... I... can't...!
FLASH DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MOUNT OLYMPUS - FORGE OF THE GODS - NIGHT (FLASH BACK TO HEPHAESTUS' EARLIER DREAM)
We see the images we saw earlier from the forge -- the pounding hammer, the hot iron, etc. -- only this time over them, we also see superimposed the EYES OF HERA.
HERA (V.O.) You're no god, Hephaestus! No son of mine! You're nothing! Nothing!
FLASH DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. ACADEMY COURTYARD - DAY
Hephaestus, still clutching his head, stumbles against the anvil in front of the shed. He collapses to his knees. Hercules rushes over to him.
Hephaestus I know my name... It's Heph... Hephaes...
Hercules (stunned) Hephaestus? You're a god. But that means we're brothers -- of half-brothers.
Hercules reaches out for Hephaestus, but just before he touches him, we hear a LOUD POUNDING from the academy main gate.
EXT. ACADEMY - FRONT WALL - CONTINUOUS
Arges the Giant crashes in through a wall, sending a cadet, LINAS, sprawling. Arges stalks angrily into the courtyard.
Arges Where's Hephaestus?! The coward can't hide from me now!
Hercules looks up at the giant. He's stunned, in awe.
Hercules (to himself) Where in Tartarus did he come from?
Arges glares down at Herc and Hephaestus.
Arges There you are!
Hercules steps protectively in front of Hephaestus, interposing himself between his half-brother and the angry giant. lose on the giant as he grins nastily:
Arges When I'm done with you, you'll wish you'd never been born.
FADE OUT.
Act Two
FADE IN:
EXT. ACADEMY COURTYARD - DAY - CONTINUOUS
Arges steps farther into the courtyard, past the sprawling Linas, who scrambles fearfully on his hands and knees out of the way, and advances toward Hercules and Hephaestus.
Hercules Who are you?! What do you want with Hephaestus?!
Artes Out of my way if you don't want to get hurt! (points at Hephaestus) My fight is with him!
Hercules glances over at Hephaestus, who still seems stunned by the sudden return of his memory.
Hephaestus I... don't want to fight.
Hercules (turning to Arges) You'll have to get past me!
Arges We'll see, boy!
Arges attacks, stomping at Hercules with his buge booted foot. Hercules leaps out of the way and battles Arges to keep him away from Hephaestus, who seems either unable or unwilling to defend himself. Arges fires his flamethrower/blowtorch at Hercules, who dodges the scorching blasts, flipping and vaulting. Finally a swipe of Arges' foot knocks Hercules to the ground. It looks like he's going to be pounded, but Lilith, Jason and Iolaus, hearing all the commotion, rush out of the main academy building --
Jason (alarmed) Hercules!
Llith, Jason, and Iolaus join the fight against Arges, distracting him with acroatic moves, giving Hercules a chance to recover and resume the fight. At one point in the fight, Arges picks up a cart filled with 100-pound sacks of flour and dumps the sacks onto Iolaus, knocking him to the ground. One of the sacks bursts open, covering Iolaus with flour, causing him to COUGH and SPLUTTER.
