Girl Trouble Shooting Draft
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Girl Trouble
Episode #5
Production #V0805
Written by: Adam Armus and Nora Kay Foster
Directed by: Charlie Haskell
Production Draft - April 07, 1998
Full Script - April 08, 1998
Pages 3-4, 7-9, 14, 16, 21-21A - April 24, 1998
Pages 2, 2aA, 5, 6, 7, 15 - May 02, 1998
Page 14 - May 07, 1998
Pacific Island Pictures, LTD, All Rights Reserved © 1998
Cast List
Hercules
Jason
Iolaus - (ee-OH-lus)
Cheiron - (KI-ron)
Lilith
Cyane - (si-AN)
Zared - (ZAIR-ed)
Traitor
Messenger (Arcus)
Simula
Crewman
Set List
Interiors:
Cheiron's Academy - Dining Hall
Ship - Cargo Hold
Exteriors:
Ship
Cheiron's Academy - Dining Hall
Ship - Deck
Crossroads in Athens
FADE IN:
EXT. SHIP (AT SEA) - DAY
On deck, well-armed Crewmen drag a worried-looking TRAITOR towards their leader, a dangerous-looking man, ZARED.
No one double-crosses me!
(then, to the Crewmen) Throw him in the hold!
The Traitor's eyes widen in horror. He struggles.
Please, Zared. No-oo-oo!
The Crewmen unlock the CARGO HOLD DOOR and toss him in! There is a FEROCIOUS GROWL. The Traitor CRIES OUT. The Crewmen look on in horror, but Zared enjoys every minute.
Looks like our cargo won't be needing dinner tonight.
Off Zared's maniacal laughter,
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DINING HALL - DAY
ON A STEAMING PLATE OF FOOD, untouched.
WIDEN to HERCULES and JASON, long-faced, staring down at their food, neither on brave enough to dig in.
What is it?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Jason sniffs the food: he's disgusted.
That's it. I'm going on a hunger strike.
INCLUDE IOLAUS, scarfing his food down. Jason can't believe his eyes. Iolaus stops long enough to notice Jason's plate.
Not gonna eat that?
Without waiting for an answer, Iolaus grabs Jason's plate and digs in. As he chews:
(to Jason)
Bad time for a hunger strike, with the Harvest Festival coming up.
All you can eat, all weekend long? No, thanks.
Relax, Jason. Cheiron promised us a new cook, remember?
Just then, a beautiful YOUNG WOMAN enters. All eyes turn to her. Iolaus bites down on an empty fork.
Hey! There she is.
A babe who can cook?!
I've died and gone to the Elysian Fields!
The Young Woman moves through the dining hall and out the other side, never pausing. The boys scramble to their feet and strain to watch her, jostling for the best view.
I saw her first.
You were busy stuffing your face!
(picking up a plate)
Oh yeah? I'll show you what it means to stuff your face.
I'd like to see you try...
Iolaus! Jason! Are we gonna let a beautiful woman come between us?
Iolaus and Jason consider for a beat, then:
Yes!
They start for each other angain; Herc steps between them.
Gentlemen, there's only one way to settle this.
EXT. DINING HALL - MOMENTS LATER
OTHER CADETS surround Hercules, Jason, and Iolaus. A soccer ball-sized BALL lies at Iolaus' feet. He calls his shot.
Off the trees, through the window, under the wagon, across the roof... center of the goal.
Iolaus gestures to a DISTANT FISHING NET draped across two posts. Herc and Jason are incredulous.
No way. It'll never happen.
With that, Iolaus kicks the ball in the air. Our heroes watch in SLO-MO as it SAILS high in the air. But before it can reach its target, a MESSENGER steps out of a doorway into its path:
Heads up!
Too late. Everyone cringes as the ball conks the Messenger.
Ooof!
The CADETS surround the downed Messenger as Herc tends to him.
He's out cold. Somebody get water.
Nice work, Iolaus.
Hey, it wasn't my fault. The guy stepped right into it.
A few n/d CADETS comfort the Messenger as Herc speaks to him:
How you feeling, buddy?
Never mind that. We've got to get this guy on feet before Cheiron finds out.
During the following, Cheiron steps in quietly behind Iolaus. Herc and Jason try to get his attention, to no avail.
I mean, the last thin we need is Mr. Pearls of Wisdom breathing down our...
(finally realizing) He's right behind me, isn't me?
Herc and Jason nod. Iolaus buries his head in his hands. Cheiron gives Iolaus a dirty look, than helps the Messenger to his feet:
You all right, Arcus?
Yeah, Sure. No problem.
He staggers, then falls. Cheiron looks at the boys, not happy.
It seems I've lost a messenger. Or perhaps I've gained three. You boys are going to Athens.
Athens? What's in Athens?
A new cook.
But... We thought... I mean... If Arcus was getting the cook...
(pointing to the nearby Young Woman) Then, who's she?
I'm Lilith.
Gentlemen, meet our newest cadet.
But... but she's a...
Yes?!
...going to fit in just fine.
Lilith bends and touches the woozy, moaning messenger's forehead.
Do you cadets always use messengers for target practice?
Iolaus, Herc and Jason look at each other, frown and shrug.
(all at once)
Us? No. Well. Not always. Not really.
(etc.)
Cheiron gives the Messenger's scroll to Hercules. Iolaus notes the SMALL SCROLL, then slaps Herc and Jason on their backs.
Well, no need for ALL of us to miss the Harvest Festival.
Iolaus turns, only to be stopped by the mountainous figure of Cheiron. He looks up into Cheiron and Lilith's glares, then, meekly:
(guesturing back)
We were just... leaving.
Iolaus quickly rejoins Herc and Jason; as we:
FADE OUT.
Act One
FADE IN:
EXT. THE ROAD - DAY
Hercules, Iolaus, and Jason head towards Athens.
There's got to be a decent cook closer than Athens.
Hey, Herc. Zeus probably knows all the great cooks. Why not just ask him to zap one here and...
I don't even talk to my dad, never mind ask for favors.
It'll take us a week to walk to Athens and back.
Hey, the shooting contest wasn't my idea.
They both look at Hercules
What choice did I have? You two were about to deck each other over our new classmate.
How could we know she was a cadet?
You've gotta admit, she didn't look like one.
Whoever heard of a girl cadet?
Exactly. Girls are supposed to be sweet and gentle.
Why? Is that all you can handle?
Assuming he can even get a date.
Herc and Jason share a laugh as Iolaus smirks. They have reached a CROSSROADS. A SIGN points them in the direction of the HARBOR.
I've got an idea.
Not again.
Let's hire a boat. We'll get to Athens before you know it. Give us time to see the sights.
(nudging Hercules) If you catch my drift.
We can't afford a boat.
(a gleam in his eye)
We don't need money... I'll just turn on the old Iolaus charm.
EXT. DECK OF A SHIP - DAY
A soapy SPONGE slaps the deck, and a pair of HANDS begins scrubbing. WIDEN TO REVEAL Iolaus on his knees. Nearby, Hercules and Jason man a LARGE CRANK that hoists something heavy.
'The old Iolaus charm', huh?
You're on a boat headed for Athens. aren't you?
Yeah, but by the time we get there we'll be too tired to do anything.
Iolaus flicks water at Jason and Herc. They rush him - dunking his head in a nearby bucket (BS&P: QUICK DUNK -- DON'T HOLD UNDERWATER.) Just then, Zared shows up looking none too happy.
That's enough!
Jason and Herc let Iolaus up for air. He shakes the water out of his ears as Zared lurches up to them, in their faces:
Name's Zared. If you want to stay on my boat, you'll do your work, stay out of my way --
Just then, there is a GROWLING SOUND coming from the nearby CARGO HOLD. Herc peers in, noticing the large LOCK on the outside of the door. Zared gets in his way.
-- and NEVER get near my cargo.
Zared moves off, our boys watch him go.
Friendly guy. Don'cha think?
Herc shoves Iolaus' head in the bucket one more time;
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. DECK OF THE SHIP (AT SEA) - DAY
A while later, our boys, now bare-chested, lift a sail into position. There's lots of grunting and sweating.
Iolaus NOTICES the cargo hold door open again and lets his end slip a little, nearly crushing Jason.
Do you mind?!
(finally noticing)
Huh? Oh, sorry.
They boys finish moving the sail into place, then:
What's wrong, Iolaus?
What do you think? I wanna know what's in that cargo hold.
Forget it. You heard Zared. Besides, it sounds like he's got some kind of beast guarding whatever's down there.
Maybe guarding a beautiful shanghaied princess!
Or the plunder of a dozen coastal towns!
Like gold or jewels!
(then) Whatever it is, it's definitely worth a boatload of dinars.
The boys start to move off when Iolaus NOTICES a Crewman carrying a plate of FOOD (BS&P: NOT RAW MEAT.) He nudges Herc and Jason who turn to watch.
ON THE CREWMAN
He takes a KEY from around his neck and unlocks the LARGE LOCK on the cargo hold door. Then, he swings the large door open a crack, and tosses in the meat.
The cargo hold erupts with excitement, like a snarling pit of lions, only worse.
ON THE BOYS
their eyes bulge as they listen to the feeding.
The Crewman locks the door, returns the key to around his neck and moves off. Iolaus watches him go.
I know what you're thinking, Iolaus, and you can't just forget it.
C'mon, Herc. You've gotta be a little bit curious.
Sure he is. So am I. But you heard Zared.
Jason moves off.
Jason's right. Rules are rules.
Iolaus is still looking at the cargo hold.
Iolaus?
(snapping out of it)
Huh? Oh. Right. Rules are rules.
Herc moves off, followed by Iolaus whose eyes linger on the cargo hold.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. DECK OF THE SHIP (AT SEA) - LATER
The Crewman with the key snoozes. Just then, Iolaus pops up behind him, takes a quick look around, and then carefully reaches for the key.
The Crewman, still sleeping, flinches and grabs Iolaus! Then, he pulls him close, snuggling with him.
Iolaus suffers for a beat, then quickly moves the Crewman's head by blowing on his ear. He quickly grabs the key and moves off.
AT THE CARGO HOLD DOOR
Iolaus pops up again, now with the key in his hand. He slides the key in, ever so gently OPENING THE LOCK with a slight CLICK!
ON HERCULES
The CLICK stirs him. He opens his eyes, notices Iolaus is gone, and looks at the cargo hold. Spotting Iolaus, he nudges Jason who also stirs. His eyes open wide in alarm. They start off quietly to stop Iolaus.
RESUME IOLAUS
He's removed the lock and now, carefully, begins to raise the large cargo hold door.
Near the foot of the door, however, we NOTICE a small, thin THREAD attached to a series of small BELLS. It's an alarm! Not seeing it, Iolaus keeps lifting the door.
Meanwhile, the Crewman and the rest of the Crewmen sleep soundly around him. Hercules and Jason rush past them, trying to stop Iolaus, but... They're too late.
Iolaus! No!
Iolaus swings the door open, SOUNDING THE ALARM! Everyone wakes. Zared spots Iolaus.
(to his crew)
Thieves! Stop them!
Zared's Crewmen hop to their feet and charge Iolaus, swinging their swords. Hercules and Jason act fast, rolling a few LARGE BARRELS in their way.
Herc and Jason each grab a sword and THE FIGHT IS ON!
As Hercules and Jason fend off the oncoming Crewmen, Iolaus leans in to get a better look inside the cargo hold. Hercules spots him and calls out.
Iolaus! Don't!
Just then, something unseen and incredibly fast grabs Iolaus and sucks him into the darkness.
Ahhh!
His CRIES ECHO from below and Hercules and Jason react.
Iolaus!
(to Jason) We've got to save him!
Now, our heroes use all their skills to fight PAST the Crewmen to the cargo hold.
Realizing they're wasting precious time, Hercules and Jason grab hold of a LINE from a nearby SAIL and cut it loose. The sail catches on the wind, and they're swept high, up and over the oncoming Crewmen.
Just as fast, they let go of the line, timing it perfectly so they drop into the cargo hold.
INT. CARGO HOLD - DAY
Hercules and Jason land inside the dark, dank cargo hold and look around. Before they can take a step, however, they're surrounded by FIVE leather-clad AMAZONS. They are lean and hard-bodied, with eyes full of suspicion. Hercules and Jason size them up.
Amazons.
You mean?
Murderous, thieving, man-hating Amazons.
The cargo door SLAMS CLOSED. Now, it's dark, except for the fire in the Amazons' eyes. As they close in on our boys; we:
FADE OUT.
Act Two
FADE IN:
INT. CARGO HOLD - DAY
Back where we left off, the Amazons close in on Hercules and Jason. Our heroes take defensive postures, raising their swords, byt the Amazons just keep coming.
What have you amazons done to Iolaus?
Just then, Iolaus pushes his way through the crowd.
Not enough if you ask me.
(surprised)
Iolaus! You're all right!
Yeah, the girls and I have reached an understanding.
Iolaus tries to put his arm around one, she shrugs him off.
(to Herc)
Man-haters, huh?
Hey, they may be Amazons, but they don't hurt good-looking men.
(pointedly)
We don't hurt boys.
With that, Herc, Jason, and Iolaus turn to face Cyane, the Amazon leader. She's a few years older than Herc and beautiful, but also fierce and determined. Herc is a bit taken.
Behind her, we see the TRAITOR from the Teaser. He's bound and gagged, but perfectly healthy.
My name is Cyane, leader of the Telaquir Amazon Nation.
I'm Hercules... This is Jason, and you already know Iolaus.
Herc offers his hand, but Cyane refuses it. There is a beat of silence. Herc notices the CHAINS on her ANKLES.
(realizing)
You're the cargo Zared plans to sell in Athens.
This is insane. People shouldn't be cargo.
My sisters and I plan to take over this ship. You'll either help us, or go down with the rest.
That sounds like an order.
It is. I'm in charge here.
With those chains around your ankles you're no match for Zared's men. We can help.
Cyane, a bit taken with Herc, considers his words. Other Amazons gather around, including SIMULA, a powerful AMAZON lieutenant.
How do we know we can trust them, Cyane? They are men.
Yes, but we share a common enemy.
(a beat, then to guys) You may join us. But if we find that you've deceived us, I'll feed you to the sharks.
(a gulp, then)
That seems fair.
Cyane and the Amazons move off, leaving Herc to consult with Jason and Iolaus.
Okay, Mister Bigshot Hero. How do you plan to make those chains disappear?
Herculed: If only we had the key.
Iolaus WHISTLES, looking away, distracted. Herc makes a realization, then grabs Iolaus and frisks him:
Hey! What are you?
Herc finds the KEYS that Iolaus stole from the Crewman earlier.
Oh. Did you want those?
We'll unlock the Amazons, then wait 'til morning for the attack.
Iolaus fixes his hair and shirt --
Morning, huh? Works for me. Looks like I've got a busy night ahead.
Iolaus cups his hand over his mouth, checks his breath, then heads O.C. towards the Amazons. After a beat, he comes flying back into the scene, landing hard against the wall.
(to Herc and Jason)
I think they're warming up to me.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CARGO HOLD - NIGHT
Much later. We PAN ACROSS the room as a number of Amazons (now sans chains) sleep. On the other side of the room, Jason and Iolaus are also sleeping.
Still awake, Hercules crosses over to a LARGE VAT filled with drinking water. He reaches for a ladle, only to touch another hand, also reaching for it. It's Cyane. Herc quickly withdraws his hand.
I won't bite.
I know. I was just... letting you go first.
Cyane smiles, then takes a long drink. Hercules notices her powerful yet feminine physique. Cyane feels his eyes on her.
You've never met an Amazon before.
Well, no. I've heard things.
We're thieves, murderers and baby-snatchers. We hate all men and corrupt all women, right?
Something like that.
(off Cyane's smile) Is it true?
No.
(then) Thousands of years ago, all the men in our village were wiped out in a single battle. From then on, our ancestors knew that our women needed to be strong. And to this day, we have no men in our villages to honor those who died.
What about your male children?
They're returned to their fathers. The girls stay with us and are raised as Amazons.
(then) Of course, I only speak for the Telaquire Amazons. My tribe.
There are others?
Twelve in all. We began as one nation but we were separated many years ago during our Great War with the Centaurs. One day we hope to reunite.
Right. I've heard Centaurs speak of that war.
You have Centaur friends. That explains your hatred of Amazons.
I don't hate anyone.
Hercules and Cyane exchange a look. There's something between them, though neither would admit it yet.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CARGO HOLD - NIGHT
Later, Cyane and Hercules are seated elsewhere, now closer.
You haven't told me how Zared captured you.
He didn't. We were tricked by a god.
(almost afraid to ask)
Which god?
(bitter)
The cruelest of them all. Zeus.
But... that's impossible...
Zeus told us to leave our land. When we refused, he took us by force, turning us over to Zared.
Zeus doesn't harm innocent people for no reason...
You're naive, Hercules! I used to think the gods of Olympus were fair and just. But now I know that they act out of hatred and spite!
Cyane stops in her grim tirade and calms down, smiling at Herc:
I'm sorry. These have been difficult days for my people.
(subdued, pensive)
It's all right. I know a little about how hard the gods can be.
Off Herc's troubled look:
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CARGO HOLD - DAY
It's the next morning, and the cargo hold bustles with activity.
Amazons are talking random objects (posts, planks, etc.) and carving them into weapons. Jason and Iolaus assist. Hercules and Cyane work together, smiling, until they HEAR:
Land ho!
With that, Herc and Cyane join the others.
(to the Amazons)
All right. Let's break through the hatch door!
(stopping them)
Do that, you'll have Zared's crew out there waiting for you.
You have a better plan?
We'll need the help of someone sneaky, underhanded and conniving.
All eyes fall on Iolaus.
I'll take that as a compliment.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. DECK OF THE SHIP (AT SEA) - DAY
A few of Zared's Crewmen work the sails, etc. near the cargo hold door, preparing to dock the boat. Just then, they HEAR something coming from the hold.
Help! The ship's sprung a leak! He-ee-ee-lp!
The Crewmen turn to see WATER SPLASHING OUT through the slats in the cargo hold door!
They turn to each other, panicked:
We're going down! We've gotta do something! Open the hold!
They unlock the door and quickly swing it open to find -- Iolaus, sitting near the door with the big vat of drinking water.
(not looking, still faking it)
Help! We're taking on water!
He ladles up more water and splashes it in the Crewmen's faces, then finally notices.
Oh. Sorry 'bout that.
The Crewmen seethe, then lunge down in for Iolaus as --
Herc and Jason spring out of the hold, feet first, landing solid kicks to the Crewmen and sending them backwards.
Herc and Jason land on their feet, in defensive position.
Any time, ladies!
A SECOND CONTINGENT of Crewmen rush Hercules and Jason, who hold them off, keeping them away from the hold hatch.
SCREAMING AMAZONS pour up out of the hold hatch.
THE FIGHT IS ON! Zared's Crewmen charge at the Amazons and our young heroes. Hercules takes on two men, battling them with expert swordplay, while Jason battles two of their own.
At the hold hatch, Iolaus pops his head out, looks around, deftly ducks a projectile, then flips himself out.
Following Cyane's lead, the Amazons rush their opponents. At the last instant, they flip over their attackers, grabbing the rigging lines behind them!
The Crewmen turn, but the Amazons take to the air, using the riggings and delivering flying kicks on their way!
Just then, Zared arrives on the scene and surmises the situation. The Amazons move in and out of battle, springing off the masts, and outmaneuvering their opponents.
(calling to his men)
You fools! Get them! Use your bows!
On the ground, Zared's Crewmen grab BOWS and ARROWS and train them on the high flying Amazons.
Hercules spots them and calls to Cyane:
Cyane! Look out!
Cyane spots the Crewmen's new weaponry and WHISTLES to the other Amazons. They drop down, knocking the bows, one by one, out of the Crewmen's hands.
With the Amazons' help, Hercules, Jason and Iolaus push Zared's Crewmen along, dumping each of them into the ship's cargo hold!
Zared, frustrated by this turn of events, arms himself with a LARGE CROSSBOW.
(to himself)
If I stop the leader, I win the war.
With that, he SETS HIS SIGHTS on Cyane, spinning down to the ship's deck off the riggings He smiles, as:
Good-bye, Amazon Queen.
He fires. We FOLLOW THE ARROW as it heads for the unwitting Cyane. But, just before it can strike, Hercules grabs a wooden bucket and dives -- intercepting the arrow in mid-air!
Nice move.
Thanks.
Boiling, Zared takes a LARGE SWORD, then grabs an unsuspecting AMAZON GIRL. Hercules and Cyane rush to the rescue.
It's a "tag-team" battle as both Herc and Cyane get in their licks at Zared, sending him closer and closer to the cargo hold.
Finally, working together, they shove the large Captain back until he teeters on the edge of the cargo hold and finally falls in. Iolaus and Jason slam the door closed after him.
Not bad -- for a 'boy.'
The Amazons CHEER as, we:
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. CROSSROAD IN ATHENS - DAY
Hercules, Iolaus and Jason say their good-byes to Cyane and the Amazons.
Where to you think Zared and his crew are by now?
If the wind holds, they should be in Carthage, where slave trading is illegal, I might add.
So, ladies, we're headed for Athens. Care to see the sights?
Thanks, Iolaus, but we'd best be on our way.
Cyane looks at Hercules for a meaningful beat, and they step away from the others.
I wanted to apologize. I never should've doubted you and your friends.
No, I was wrong... about the Amazons, and about you.
(a beat, then) I hope your new home is everything you dream of.
(a beat, then)
Thank you, Hercules, for helping us win our freedom back.
Cyane extends her hand for a shake, but Herc just looks at it. That'll never be enough for either of them. They look at each other, leaning in for a kiss, when --
(barging between them)
So, Cyane, maybe when you gals find your new home you'll look us up.
Jason joins them.
(having fun, to Iolaus)
Iolaus, they're Amazons. They don't look men up, they conquer them.
Cyane smiles warmly at our heroes, then heads off, leading her small nation of Amazons into the forest. Hercules, Iolaus, and Jason watch them go.
I thought you liked your women sweet and gentle, Iolaus.
Hey, Cheiron says ya gotta let yourself be open to new experiences.
Cyane turns back: She and Herc share one last look.
(to himself, re: Cyane)
Sounds good to me.
(then, normal) Well, time to find a new cook for the academy.
As the boys head off into the city --
You don't suppose one of the amazons might like the job.
Somehow, Iolaus, I don't think they're the cooking types.
As our heroes share a laugh, we:
FADE OUT.
