Herc's Nemesis Transcript (Novelization)
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[TEASER]
1st Thief: “I got ‘em! I did it!”
2nd Thief: “You stole the winged shoes from Hermes, the messenger of the gods?!”
1st Thief: “You bet! I snuck into Hera’s temple-- and stole ‘em-- while Hermes slept. I’ll be the greatest thief ever! Too fast for anyone to see!”
2nd Thief: “Aren’t you scared of what the gods will do?”
1st Thief: “They’ll have to catch me first! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
2nd Thief: “What’s that?”
1st Thief: “Nothing-- just the wind. [Screams] Get this thing off of me! Aw, not the shoes! Come on!”
2nd Thief: “That’s the gods for ya! That’s what happens when ya mess with their stuff.”
Nemesis [Nem]: “Hera, my queen-- I return Hermes’ shoes as commanded. The mortal that stole them will no longer boast of his crimes.”
Hera’s Voice: “Well done, Nemesis. You have a talent for dealing with mortals who dare challenge the gods.”
Nem: “I have no choice but to fulfill my obligation.”
Hera’s Voice: “Don’t complain. You earned this dirty job. You and your father shouldn’t have sided with the Titans against Zeus for control of Olympus.”
Nem: “I was loyal to my family.”
Hera’s Voice: “Enough, Nemesis! Excuses tire me. Here’s your next assignment.”
Ja’s Voice: “We caught ‘em off guard. I went left. Iolaus went right. And that’s when we did the old-- ”
I and H and Ja: “Tree-- uh! Uh! Gag!”
Soldier: “Kora! Food and drink! I’ve gotta get this criminal to Thebes before nightfall.”
Kora: “Criminal? Rowab took a little oil from Hera’s temple to keep his sick kid warm.”
H: “Hey! So why don’t you just take it easy, all right?!”
Ja: “Hey, hey.”
H: “Well, he’s in chains. What’s he gonna do, huh?!”
Ja: “Hey, man. Don’t antagonize the constable.”
I: “What? So it’s OK for him to push him around like that.”
Ja: “Well, you tell me. You’re the expert. When you’ve been arrested, and someone makes the guard angry-- who’s he take it out on? I was thinkin’ of Rowab.”
I: “Yeah-- well so was Hercules.”
H: “Whoa. Whoa-- who is that?”
Ja: “That’s-- that’s the wind.”
H: “You guys are tellin’ me that you don’t see that _beautiful_ girl with the bow and arrow?”
I: “Believe me-- if there was a beautiful girl at the door-- I’d see her.”
H: “Hey. Wait. S-stop!”
Rowab [Row]: “Get him off me!”
Soldier: “What do you think you’re doin’?!”
H: “Well, Mr. Ungrateful, I was saving you from her!”
Ja: “Hercules, there’s nobody there.”
[ACT I]
Kora: “I told you! No roughhousing!”
H: “I can explain!”
Kora: “And the next time you wanna play fire god, you do it somewhere else!”
H: “Yeah, well, uh-- I was leavin’ anyway!”
Ja: “Hey-- whatever ya saw, or ya didn’t see-- forget it. She’s irritable.”
Nem: “Who are you to interfere?!”
H: “Oh, hi. Uh-- I’m Hercules.”
I: “I know.”
Nem: “You must be a god if you can see me?”
H: “Well-- you know-- not a god-god, just a half-god. Zeus is my father?”
Ja: “So?”
H [Sighs]: “Uh, listen-- who-who are you?”
Nem: “I’m Nemesis.”
I: “I’m Iolaus, and this is-- Jason. What’s goin’ on with the big guy?”
Ja: “I don’t know.”
I: “I think there was something in the custard this morning. It was the custard. Did you see how much he was eating?”
H: “Guys, can you cut it out? I’m not talkin’ to you, OK? I’m-- I’m talking to Nemesis.”
I: “The goddess? She’s here?”
H: “Yeah.”
Ja: “Nemesis is the goddess of justice. She exterminates people. That’s no good.”
H: “I know that, Jason. But we don’t need to talk about her like she’s not here, right? I mean, she’s right in the middle of you guys.”
Ja and I: “Ooh.”
Nem: “They can’t see me.”
H: “Oh.”
Ja: “Nemesis! If you’re-- hey! If you’re here to hurt my friend! You’re gonna have to go through me, first!”
H: “She’s over there.”
Ja’s Voice: “Oh, yeah.”
H: “Guys? Listen, don’t worry about it, OK? She’s not here for me. She’s here for Rowab.”
Nem: “And you stopped me. I won’t fail a second time.”
H: “Uh-- ”
I: “Well-- it’s a good thing you’re not after Hercules! ‘Cause you’d have to go through the three of us!”
Ja: “Yeah!”
H: “Guys-- she’s gone.”
I: “Ah.”
Ja: “Huh. Huh. Hey-- where you goin’?”
H: “I’m gonna go protect Rowab. He doesn’t deserve to be crushed like an insect by the gods.”
I: “You out of your mind? Nemesis-- nothing stops her.”
H: “Well-- maybe-- maybe not.”
I: “And what are you gonna do?”
H: “I’m gonna turn on the charm.”
Ja: “Aw-- we’re doomed.”
H: “All right. Just stay here, OK? I don’t wanna get you two hurt.”
I: “Are we gonna let him have all the fun by himself?”
Ja: “Of course not. Let’s roll.”
H: “I thought that we discussed this.”
Nem: “Look, I told you, it is the will of the queen of the gods. You interfere, and you will share Rowab’s fate.”
H: “I’m just tryin’ to keep you from makin’ a mistake-- all right?”
Nem: “Rowab is a thief. He stole oil from Hera’s temple.”
H: “And he’s paying for it! What kind of a goddess are you?”
Nem: “I’m the goddess of justice?”
H: “Justice-- really. So you call it justice when you destroy a man for taking some oil to keep his sick child warm?”
Nem: “I don’t have a choice, OK? I do as I’m told. It’s my punishment.”
H: “For what?”
Nem: “When your father, Zeus, revolted against the Titans for control of Mt. Olympus-- my father sided with the Titans. Now, because of that-- I’m forced to obey any god who demands a mortal be punished.”
H: “I’m sorry.”
Ja’s Voice: “Are you talkin’ to Nemesis again?”
H’s Voice: “Yeah.”
I: “Sorry for what?”
H: “Uh-- my father pushed her into her lousy job.”
I: “Oh-- so why doesn’t she retire?”
Ja: “You just can’t quit on Zeus. It’s not that easy.”
Soldier: “Move it along.”
H: “Wait-- wait. Listen. Please-- don’t take his life.”
Nem: “It’s Hera’s command.”
H: “What if Hera’s wrong?”
Nem: “Hera’s commands are never wrong. Look, just get out of the way. If you interfere, she has told me to destroy you.”
H: “To destroy me?”
I: “Destroy you?”
Ja: “Destroy him? Hera hasn’t told her that you fall under Zeus’s protection.”
I: “Yeah, she doesn’t know that if she lays a finger on you, Zeus zaps her for good.”
Nem: “What are these mortals babbling about?”
H: “You say Hera’s never wrong. She put your life in danger-- when she told you to come against me. Ask Zeus. Now, she was wrong once. Maybe she’s wrong again. I can’t let you do this. Go back! Go-- back! Rowab, go back!”
Row: “Get off me! What’s your deal?!”
Soldier: “I suppose you’re _savin’_ him again, huh?!”
H: “Yes!”
Ja: “Sorry about my friend, here. He’s been crazy ever since he-- met Nemesis.”
I [Interrupting]: “Uh, drank some bad pond water.”
Soldier: “Kids, nowadays.”
H: “Get Rowab outta here, OK?”
I: “I’m sorry about this. He-he drank some bad pond water. I think it’s gone straight to his head.”
Ja: “Ah-h-h.”
I: “He thinks he can see the goddess, Nemesis.”
H: “Nemesis!”
I: “See? Uh-- ooh.”
Soldier: “Bad pond water or no bad pond water-- he shows up again-- I’ll lock him up, too!”
I: “Oh-- uh-- ”
Ja: “I got this. I got this.”
I: “Oh, OK.”
Ja: “Constable-- ha-ha-- Jason of Corinth.”
Soldier: “Oh-- the young prince.”
Ja: “Hey, listen, I’ve got a very-- sweet-- deal for you. Thebes is-- so far away. Why don’t you come to Corinth? I’ll setcha up in a nice, fast carriage? Huh? What do ya say? Say yes. It’s so easy to say yes.”
Soldier: “Oh, yes.”
Ja: “Ha-- that’s it. All right, let’s roll.” [Sighs]
I: “Jas, what are yo doing?”
Ja: “The old negotiation gag.”
I: “Got it.”
Hera’s Voice: “Stregna-- Nemesis has disobeyed my command. If you wish to become goddess of justice-- you must prove your worth-- by destroying her.”
Stregna [Str]: “I will not let you down, Hera.”
Hera’s Voice: “Did this arrow in the bowl of Hind’s blood-- the only thing that can kill a god. Careful-- a scratch and you will be lost. Nemesis is clever. You will only have one chance.”
Str: “I’ll only need one.”
Hera’s Voice: “Oh, yes-- if Hercules gets in your way-- eliminate him.”
H: “That was a nice shot.”
Nem: “I missed on purpose.”
H: “That’s great.”
Nem: “No-- it isn’t. Don’t you see? Hera’s out for both of us, now.”
[ACT II]
H: “That was brave of you.”
Nem: “Brave? I don’t feel brave.”
H: “Well, uh-- you feel better, though, don’tcha?”
Nem: “I don’t know what I feel. You’ve confused me. I’ve never failed Hera before.”
H: “She’s understanding, I imagine.”
Str: “Well, well, well-- Nemesis _and_ Hercules.”
H: “Do I know you?”
Nem: “Stregna-- a minor goddess who’s trying to take my place.”
Str: “_Is_ taking your place.”
H: “Do you two wanna be alone?”
Str: “You disobeyed Hera. She made you my first target.”
Nem: “You wondered if Hera might be understanding?”
H: “I thought gods were immortal. How could she hurt you?”
Nem: “If the arrow is dipped in Hind’s blood.”
Str: “Good guess.”
[Fight]
Str: “Uh! Uh!”
H: “Hey! Nice shot!”
Nem: “Yeah, for now. We’ve gotta move.”
H: “Yeah. I see whatcha mean. Come on.”
H: “So, I-- suppose talkin’ to her’s out of the question?”
Nem: “Stregna’s always wanted to take my place. She won’t stop until I’m gone.”
H: “Uh. Let’s get outta here.”
Str: “So, you wanna play hide-and-seek?”
Nem: “Don’t stop. Stregner [sic] will find us for sure.”
H: “We haven’t seen her for awhile, now.”
Nem: “She’s looking for us. Trust me. This mortal form of getting around really wears me out.”
H: “Well, uh-- well, we could rest. There. Well, not many people come here, you know, so we probably have time to figure out what we’re gonna do.”
Str: “Sorry. Time’s up.”
Nem: “You can’t hit what you can’t see.”
Str: “At least, go out with some dignity, Nemesis. This is pitiful.”
H: “Let’s get outta here, OK? Whoa. Uh-- ”
Str: “You know you can’t hide from me.”
Nem: “You want me? You got me. But leave Hercules out of this!”
Str: “Too late. Hera was very specific. He interferes-- he’s fair game.”
Nem: “You do know that if you harm Hercules, you’ll have to deal with his father, Zeus?”
H: “Hmm? Huh?”
Nem: “I don’t suppose Hera mentioned that. She doesn’t care any more about you than she did about me!”
Str: “Am I hearing this? Nemesis has feelings for mortals? Tsk-tsk-tsk.”
H: “Is she hearing this?! Do ya?!”
Nem: “Well-- ”
Str: “So-- we’ll just have to find a reason for Hercules to leave. Say-- saving his friends?”
I and Ja’s Voices: “Hercules?!”
Ja’s Voice: “Where are you?”
I: “Herc!”
Str [H’s Voice]: “Over here!”
H: “What? No! No! Not over here! Don’t! It’s a trick!”
I: “Get us down! Herc!”
Nem: “Go-- save your friends. I’ll deal with Stregna.”
H: “OK.”
Str: “He’s such a pest.”
H: “Sorry-- huh. Such a pest-- huh.”
H: “Oh! Ooh! I’m a little worried about you!”
Ja: “Yeah! The joke’s on us!”
H: “Can I borrow this?”
Ja: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Take it! We’ll just-- we’ll hang around!”
H: “OK. Come here.”
I: “Uh-- sorry we’re late. We, uh-- got a bit wrapped up.”
H: “You guys OK?”
Ja: “Yeah-- we’re vine. I mean-- we’re fine.”
H: “Oh-- come on.”
Nem: “Uh! Uh!”
H: “We have to stop Stregna.”
I: “Where is she?”
H: “She’s right there.”
Ja: “Right there!”
I: “Oh.”
H: “Yeah.”
I: “So, what do we do?”
H: “Uh-- you gotta be distractions.”
Ja and I: “Oh. OK.”
H: “No. No. No. No. Not to me! Not to me-- to her.”
I: “Oh.”
H: “OK-- here we go. Will _it_ fit?”
Ja and H and I: “We’ll never quit! Ye-ah-h-h!”
I’s Voice: “Hey! Over here!”
I: “Uh. Uh. Hey! Uh.”
I’s Voice: “Yeah! Over here!”
Ja’s Voice: “Yeah, yeah, yeah!”
I’s Voice: “Uh-- look! Look at me! Look at me! Uh.”
Ja: “Nyaah.”
I’s Voice: “Yeah, hi! Hey! Hey!”
H: “All right! Jason! Go left! OK, Iolaus! Back! Back! Whoa! Jason-- get ready.”
Ja: “Come on!”
H: “Go right! Iolaus! Get out of there! Get out of there! Go back! Go back! Good! Hey! Do the old tree gag!”
I: “What?”
H: “The old classic-- come on.”
I and Ja: “Oh. Oh! Hey! Over here! Say what?! Over here! Hey! Say what?! Come on! Over here! Shake it! Come on! Shake it!”
H: “Ready?”
Ja’ss Voice: “Yeah.”
H: “Go! Go right!”
Str: “My hair.”
H: “Yeah-- your hair.”
Str: “You’ve won this time. But my hair will come back-- and so will I.”
H: “Hi. So, uh-- what’re you gonna do, now? Huh? You gonna-- go back to being the goddess of justice?”
Nem: “I don’t know. I don’t know if Hera will allow it. I’ve got a lotta thinking to do.”
H: “Yeah.”
Nem: “And what will you do?”
H: “About what?”
Nem: “Well, about Hera-- it’s obvious that she hates you.”
H: “Yeah. Why is it? I mean, what’d I ever do to her?”
Nem: “Zeus is your father. The thought that Zeus could love a child that wasn’t hers probably caused a jealous rage.”
H: “So, let me get this straight, um-- I bother Hera-- just by being me?”
I [Whispers]: “Nemesis?”
Nem: “I must go. Um-- I hope that our paths will cross again.”
H: “I hope so.”
Nem: “But-- not in any official capacity.”
H: “Did you just ask me out?”
Nem: “Maybe.”
H: “Well-- make sure you, uh-- look out for, uh-- Stregna. Her hair _will_ come back. Huh.”
Nem: “And you watch out for Hera.”
H: “I will. Uh-- ”
I: “Is she gone?”
H: “Yes. Let’s go.”
Ja: “Hey, didja get the whole ‘gettin’-- shot-at-with-an-arrow’ straightened out?”
I: “You’re off the list?”
H: “Well, I was never officially _on_ the list. OK? Rowab was.”
Ja: “Yeah, but then you got in the way, and then _we_ got in the way, and-- ”
I: “So, uh-- you gonna see her again?”
H: “Well, that is a definite maybe-- ”
I: “Ah.”
H: “OK?”
Ja: “What?! Maybe?! She’s an assassin! She’s a death machine!”
I: “Ah, yeah, yeah. But the death machine was a babe-- right?”
Ja: “Oh-- whatever. The question is-- can she do the old tree-- uh! Uh!”
All: “Gag!”
Ja: “Over here!”
H and I: “Where?!”
Ja: “Over here!”
H and I: “Where?”
All: “Over there?! Yes!” [Cheer]
