Herc and Seek Transcript (Novelization)

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Teaser

Hercules: "You're sure you have enough food to feed all the cadets?"

Kora: "You're not going to get rowdy, are you?"

Jason: "Us? Rowdy? Nah, we're model citizens."

Iolaus: "And, uh-- we still get a group discount-- all right?"

Kora: "Is Cheiron gonna be here?"

Boys: "Yeah." "No." "Maybe."

Lilith: "Uh-- we don't know yet."

Kora: "Well, I'm gonna need at least one responsible adult here."

Hercules: "Uh-- just give us a second?"

Jason: "Who do we got?"

Iolaus: "Fiducius. He's the only one around."

Iolaus: "Come on. He's the world's biggest party-pooper."

Jason: "Well, that automatically qualifies him as an adult."

Hercules: "All right. It's settled, then."

Lilith: "We'll bring Fiducius."

Kora: "Fine-- you gonna be helping out, Curly?"

Iolaus: "Oh, I'm gonna be-- "

Jason: "If he says yes, does that have any bearing on our deal?"

Kora: "Well, I'll need a larger security deposit."

Hercules: "I'm telling you guys, this is gonna be a day that we will never, ever forget."

Neolun: "The boss is right. This couldn't be easier. While the toy soldiers are here partying-- we'll be at the academy, stealing all the tuition money."

Boy's Voice: "Hey, guys. How are ya?"

Fiducius: "This seems like an awful lot for food."

Hercules: "We made a deal for 36 dinars. That's good."

Fiducius: "37. No, not 37-- where was I? Um-- twe-twenty-- "

All: "24."

Fiducius: "I'll have to start over."

All: [Moaning]

Fiducius: "One."

Neolun: "OK, boss-- everyone's in position."

Cratus: "Good. Nobody moves until I give the signal."

Lilith: [Humming]

Fiducius: "Ten."

Jason: "This is gonna take forever."

Fiducius: "Eleven."

Hercules: "Lilith, listen-- can you go tell the others to start for Kora's? We'll meet ‘em there, all right?"

Lilith: "OK."

Fiducius: "Twelve."

Hercules: "Thank you. Iolaus-- just, uh-- "

Fiducius: "Thirteen."

Hercules: "-- keep Fiducius counting, all right? And whatever you do--"

Fiducius: "Fourteen."

Hercules: "-- don't let him start over, again. OK?"

Fiducius: "Fifteen."

Jason: "Let's get the rest of the survival kits we hid in the stables."

Fiducius: "Sixteen."

Hercules: "All right."

Fiducius: "Seventeen."

Iolaus: "Eighteen-- eighteen."

Lilith: "OK, guys, listen up. You go ahead to Kora's. We'll see ya there."

Boy's Voice: "Let's go!"

Cratus: [Clears throat] "Oh, we didn't mean to startle you. We're looking for a friend of ours-- Iolaus?"

Lilith: "He's inside. I'll get him for you."

Cratus: "Oh, no. Oh, we'd much rather this were a surprise."

Hercules: "Whoa, whoa."

Jason: "Who are those guys?

Fiducius: "22."

Cratus' Voice: "Hello?"

Fiducius: "I better see who that is."

Iolaus: "Ah, no, no, no! You keep counting. 22."

Fiducius: "Twenty-- three."

Iolaus: "Cratus."

Cratus: "Iolaus, old buddy."

Iolaus: "Hey, how you doin'?"

Cratus: "Good."

Iolaus: "Keepin' out of trouble?"

Cratus: "Hmm-- of course."

Iolaus: "So, um-- so, what're ya doin here?"

Cratus: "Call it-- a reunion-- of the old gang."

Iolaus: "Huh?"

Lilith: "Iolaus-- what's up with your friends?"

Cratus: "Meletus-- saddle up their horses."

Meletus: "Yes, Cratus."

Cratus: "We'll be leaving soon."

Hercules: "The Loax-- their the most dangerous gang of thieves around. Iolaus used to run with them."

Jason: "Well, what are they doing here? There's nothin' to steal here. There's just-- "

Jason and Hercules: "Tuition money."

Hercules: "Of course. Cheiron's back at his village. We're supposed to be at Kora's with the cadets."

Jason: "They're stealin' our money. Let's take ‘em!"

Hercules: "Whoa, hold on a second. Listen-- you're forgetting, we still got Lilith and Iolaus in there? We push these guys too far-- we don't know what they'll do."

Jason: "I'll run after the cadets-- send one to get the magtistrate-- and come back with the rest."

Hercules: "All right. Perfect. I'll stall ‘em."

Jason: "How're you gonna do that? You're all alone."

Hercules: "Yeah, well-- they don't know that. Listen-- good luck."

Act One

Meletus: "Ah, this medallion's gotta be worth somethin'."

Cratus: "Tie them up and gag ‘em."

Lilith: "What? What are you-- ?!"

Iolaus: "Cratus, what are you doing?! These are my friends!"

Cratus: "Oh, what a shame. I thought _we_ were your friends. Tie up Iolaus, too."

Hercules: "Bye-bye."

Cratus: "The horses! You stay here with the money! Bring him with us!"

Neolun: "Meletus! What're you doing?!"

Cratus: "I got it covered. By the time the magistrate gets here, we'll be long gone."

Iolaus: "Did you plan on them?"

Neolun: "Boss-- let's get out of here."

Cratus: "Not without the money. They're just a bunch ‘a wannabe warriors. Inside! Now! Move it!"

Jason: "Spread out!"

Cratus: "Post somebody at every opening!"

Neolun: "OK."

Cratus: "Move!"

Neolun: "Cover every opening! Go! Go! Move!"

Iolaus: "Hey, uh, you do know that bunch of wannabe warriors is led by Jason. Jason, as in the crown-prince-of-Corinth-- Jason?"

Neolun: "Boss-- maybe we should talk this over."

Cratus: "No. Jason-- can you hear me? I got hostages in here. If you don't want any of them hurt-- you won't do anything foolish."

Cadet: "We should attack now, beofe they fortify their positions."

Jason: "No-- we can't afford to rush in. All right! We're not comin' in!"

Cratus: "No tricks. Stay where we can see you."

Neolun: "This was supposed to be easy! Hit the academy while the students were at Kora's-- !"

Iolaus: "And now, you're trapped in here."

Cratus: "Stay cool. We just leave a little later than planned."

Neolun: "Oh, and how're we suppossed to do that?!"

Cratus: "I'm workin' on it. OK-- post Guillen as a lookout. He's our best archer. Take the girl to the dining hall. Put the old man in the dorm. He-- stays with me."

Thieves: "Get in there." "Get another gag." "Quiet."

Jason: "What'd you see?"

Cadet: "Just what you thought. They're moving the hostages to different rooms."

Jason: "Ahh-- smart move. Makes it impossible to rush ‘em. We wait. Hurry up, Hercules."

Iolaus: "What's the matter? Your plan falling apart?"

Neolun: "Why don't you keep quiet?"

Cratus: "How about you tell your buddies out there-- to let us take the money and leave? Oh that way, nobody gets hurt."

Iolaus: "Well, how about you just leave?"

Cratus: "How about you help us? Come on. You must have snuck out of this dump plenty ‘a times."

Iolaus: "Now-- why would I help you?"

Cratus: "Remember Dorfus?"

Iolaus: "Yeah, he beat me up for a whole week. I remember him."

Cratus: "Till I showed ya how to keep him from pickin' on you. I was there for you when your old man wasn't."

Iolaus: "Yeah, and I thank you for that. So, why are you being a jerk now?"

Cratus: "Well, the way I see it-- I'm the reason they gave you the choice between goin' to jail and joining the academy."

Iolaus: "Ah, they couldn't prove anything."

Cratus: [Interrupting]: "That's because I didn't talk. So I figure-- you owe me. We need a guide outta here."

Iolaus: "They are _not_ just gonna let you walk outta here."

Cratus: "We're waiting until it's dark-- and then we're sneakin' out. And you're leadin' us. I'm gonna check on the others. Make him comfortable."

Iolaus: [Mouths] "Hercules?"

Hercules: [Whispers] "Hi. Sh-sh-sh. Sh-sh. Listen. Over there."

Iolaus: [Whispers] "I've got a point."

Hercules: [Whispers] "No-- there."

Iolaus: "I gotta p-- ? You gotta point?"

Neolun: "Huh?"

Iolaus: "Uh-- you've got a point. You know, you gotta leave when it's-- dark, so, uh-- so they won't-- see you."

Hercules: [Whispers] "Sh. Listen to me. The chest."

Iolaus: [Mouths] "Oh, the chest. OK, OK."

Hercules: [Whispers] "Get them-- to walk away-- walk away."

Iolaus: "Uh-- I'm-I'm walking."

Hercules: [Whispers]: "No, no-- not you-- not you."

Iolaus: "We're walkin' a-away. Walking-- walking away?"

Neolun: "What?"

Iolaus: "Uh-- y-you'll be walking away, you know-- wh-when you've got the money, y-you'll, uh-- be walking-- away."

Hercules: [Whispers] "Get out the back."

Iolaus: "Uh-uh."

Hercules: [Whispers] "Out the back."

Iolaus: "I got something on my back?"

Hercules: [Whispers]: "No, not your back-- the back."

Iolaus: "You got something on your back?"

Hercules: [Whispers]: "No, not _my_ back-- the back."

Iolaus: "You've got through-- through the back? Oh, through the back!"

Cratus: "Through the back what?"

Iolaus: "Uh-- yeah, yeah-- I was just thinkin' out loud. You know, uh-- ways ta [sic]-- help your plan?"

Cratus: "I knew you'd come around."

Iolaus: "And I was thinking, if you, uh-- want to dig an opening in the back wall, then I could-- show you where to do it. You know, if you promise-- no one gets hurt."

Cratus: "Well, you've got my word."

Iolaus: "OK."

Cratus: "For now."

Neolun: "I know you, Cratus. There's more to your plan than just-- crawling out the back when it's dark."

Cratus: "Did I forget to tell you about the fire? Oh, just a little diversion to keep the cadets busy. We'll get a few of the boys to spread a little lamp oil around." [Laughs]

Act Two

Iolaus: "Ya know? I'm n-not sure, but I think-- it's over here. Yeah. No? Huh-- OK, uh-- well, maybe it's over here somewhere."

Neolun: "This-- better be the place-- or the next hole we dig-- is gonna be for you."

Iolaus: "It's over there."

Jason: [Sighs]: "We're losin' the sun. Hercules, where are you?"

Neolun: "Boss-- why don't we divvy up the money now? That way, we can travel faster."

Iolaus: "Oh, no, no, no! I think you should keep it together! I think your chances are much better-- "

'Neolun: [Interrupting]: "But you're not even in the gang, anymore! Remember?!"

Cratus: "Where's the money?!"

Iolaus: "I don't know. Maybe you should check Neolun's pockets!"

Neolun: "I've heard all I can stand from your smart mouth!"

Nezus: "A little lamp oil, a torch, and before you know it, the barbecue begins."

Hercules: "Shhh! Hiya."

Lilith: "Hi. I'll free Fiducius."

Hercules: "No, no, no, no. Hold on a second. Go find Jason. Tell him they're gonna set a fire out the back to cover their escape, OK? And listen-- don't do anything until I give you the signal."

Lilith: "Well, what's the signal?"

Nezus: "Help! Intruder!"

Hercules: "Go. Go!"

Nezus: "Heeeellllp!"

Cratus: "That's Nezus. Come on!"

Neolun: "She's disappeared!"

Cratus: "Just like the money. Someone's sneaking around in here."

Nezus: "It was a cadet."

Cratus: "And you knew about it all along! So that's why you led us out of the room."

Iolaus: "So you guys ready to give up? Huh? I mean, you don't have the money, right?"

Cratus: "We still got the old guy-- and you."

Cratus: "Whoever you are-- your little game is up! We have the old guy! If you don't want him hurt-- you'll bring us the money, now!"

Neolun: "Hey-- that's not the old guy."

Cratus: "The hostages are gettin' away! Guillen, stop them!"

Guillen: "Ha-ha."

Iolaus: "Yeah!"

Lilith: "Come on!"

Jason's Voice: "This way! Over here!"

Cratus: "No lily-livered dirtbag of a cadet is gonna ruin my plan."

Neolun: "Great! Let me turn this worm into bait."

Cratus: "Not yet. Hey, mystery man-- how 'bout a trade? Iolaus' life for the money."

Hercules's Voice: "Over here-- catch me if ya can!"

Fiducius: "Can't we wait till Cheiron gets back?"

Lilith: "We don't have time. No, Hercules said he's gonna set up a fire to cover the escape out the back."

Fiducius: "Oh, dear, the academy."

Jason: "Where's Iolaus?"

Lilith: "He's still inside. Hercules said to wait for the signal."

Jason: "What's the signal?"

Lilith: "He didn't have time to say."

Jason: "Be prepared to attack on my order. Stay alert!"

Cratus: "Find the money. It's gotta be in a bag somewhere. You left us for this? Schoolbooks and playing warrior."

Iolaus: "Yeah, I know. How could I be so dumb? Just think of all the old ladies I could 'a robbed if I'd stayed with you."

Cratus: "Bigshot cadet-- who's the little old lady now?"

Neolun: "No money!"

Cratus: "Wise guy! I guess you want to watch your friend fry! Get the oil! You should have told your friend that I mean what I say. Your aching body'll be our safe ticket out of here."

Iolaus: "Oh, come on, Cratus, you're not gonna hurt me-- are you?"

Cratus: "Nezus-- get the torch."

Nezus: "Sure, boss."

Cratus: "Time for Plan B. We won't wait till it gets dark. Neolun-- you and the others guard the back, and cover us while we-- get this little barbecue going."

Neolun: "Right."

Cratus: "Let's see if that friend of yours cares much about a fellow cadet."

Fiducius: "They're gonna burn the academy."

Jason: "That must be the signal."

Lilith: "Yeah."

Jason: "Let's go! Come on!"

Cratus: "Torch it."

Hercules-in-Disguise: "I don't think so."

Cratus: "What'd you say? Hercules! You're the one who's been running around in here!"

[Fight]

Hercules: "Well-- looks like Plan B didn't work out as you had hoped, huh?"

Thief's Voice: "Yeah, it did!"

Iolaus: "Hercules-- you got this figured out, right?"

Hercules: "Oh, yes, yeah."

Cratus: "Get him."

Iolaus: "Uh, whoa. Uh-- "

Cratus: "Not so tough now, mighty Herdules."

Iolaus: "Herc, you wanna make this a short fight-- huh?!"

Jason: "Wow!"

Iolaus: "Herc. Herc, come on! Any time, Herc!"

Hercules: "Hey."

Iolaus: "Hey."

Hercules: "How you doin'?"

Iolaus: "Uh, good."

Hercules: "Good."

Iolaus: "Uh-- you wanna cut me loose?"

Hercules: "Oh, yeah. Good idea."

Iolaus: "Ready?"

Hercules: "Ready."

Iolaus and Hercules: "Go!"

Jason's Voice: "Quickly! Put out the fire!"

Cadets' Voices: "Grab water!" "Quickly!"

Jason: "All right, lowlife! Call off your playmates! Do it!"

Cratus: "OK! Enough! Iolaus-- you owe me. Get me out of this."

Iolaus: "Uh-- Cratus-- you taught me how to steal-- helped me out for a while. But that was a long time ago. I don't owe you a thing."

Jason: "Get ‘em out of here!"

Cratus: "Cadets."

Fiducius: "The tuition money! Where'd they take it?!"

Iolaus: "Well, I don't know. You better ask, uh-- ‘Mr. Cadet' over here."

Hercules: "Come here. Here's your real hero."

Jason: "Well, I guess that dummy's got a heart of gold." [They laugh.]

Fiducius: "Hey-- shall I take that?"

Hercules: [Interrupting]: "Oh-- I don't know, Fiducius. I think I should. Oh, yeah, I should count this out for the party."

Iolaus: "Hey, Jason-- "

Jason: "Take care of this."

Iolaus: "Hey!"

Jason: "Hey, man."