The Lure of the Lyre Transcript (Novelization)

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Teaser

aulos playing in background

Orpheus: "Hmm? I didn't realize I had an audience."

Hercules: "Ah-- you're Orpheus, right? I think I've seen you play at Kora's."

Orpheus: "And you're one of the cadets from the academy."

Hercules: "Ah-- Hercules-- nice to meetcha. And that's a nice-sounding aulos you got there. You make it yourself?"

Orpheus: "No, it was a gift, actually-- from Bacchus."

Hercules: "From Bacchus? Who's Bacchus?"

Orpheus: "You don't know him?"

Hercules: "Hmm."

Orpheus: "Oh, you have to meet him. Bacchus is the god of good times. With Bacchus on your side, you can kiss your cares goodbye. Come on. I'll take you to him."

Hercules: "Oh-oh-- I-I don't know. I kinda-- gotta get back to the academy, you know? School, so-- "

Orpheus: "Come on, you can go to the academy any time."

Hercules: "Uhhhhh-- I'll see ya later, OK?"

Orpheus: "How often do ya get to meet one of the sons of Zeus?"

Hercules: "Bacchus is the son 'a Zeus?"

Orpheus: "Here we are."

Hercules: "Oh-ho-ho-- oh-oh. Orpheus-- when you're right, you're right. This place is amazing. Uh-- so-- when do I get to meet Bacchus?"

Bacchus: "Right now." [Chuckles]

Act One

Orpheus: "Bacchus? May I present Hercules?"

Hercules: "Hi."

Bacchus: "Hercules-- son of Zeus."

Hercules: "Oh, yeah-- that's me."

Bacchus: "Welcome to our little community. My home-- is your home. After all, we are family. You see, Zeus is my father, too."

Hercules: "Y-yeah, um-- have you met him?"

Bacchus: "We can discuss our celestial parent, later-- but right now-- "

Eurydice: "Right now, it's time Hercules got the grand tour. Wouldn't you say, Bacchus?"

Bacchus: "Thank you-- Eurydice."

Eurydice: "The pleasure is all mine."

Hercules: "Oh-h-h-h."

Eurydice: "Hercules?"

Bacchus: "Good work, Orpheus."

Hercules: "Hey, what's that? It's beautiful."

Eurydice: "Isn't it? The gilded spring is said to come straight from the center of the Earth. Don't."

Hercules: "Why not?"

Eurydice: "It's poisonous. But, Bacchus says that it's so beautiful, he can't bear to cover it over. Bacchus believes that-- pleasure-- and freedom-- are what all creatures should live for. No rules-- no fears-- no regrets. Your academy is all training-- and studying-- no fun. Be one of us, Hercules. Forever-ever."

Bacchus: [Laughs]

Hercules: "Uh-- I should get goin'. Yeah-- uh, it's getting kinda late."

Eurydice: "Don't go. Join us, Hercules. Be part of our family. I want you to."

Hercules: "Thank you very much-- for showing me around. I've never seen anything like it."

Bacchus: "Please-- think of these caverns as your home away from home. When the pressures of life get too much, feel free to come here-- and relax."

Hercules: "Sure. Yeah."

Bacchus: "And bring your friends."

Hercules: "I will. Goodbye. Goodbye."

Bacchus: [Yells]: "We were so close. We almost had him."

Orpheus: "Uh-- we're-- we're-we're sorry, Bacchus."

Eurydice: "If he comes back-- "

Orpheus: "When he comes back-- "

Bacchus: "He will have his friends with him. Then we'll see how hard he is to persuade."

Iolaus: "Ah-- Hercules. Where have you been? You met a girl? Oh! Uh."

Hercules: "Yeah."

Iolaus: "Really? You met a girl and you didn't tell me? I'm crushed. I'm heartbroken."

Lilith: "Yeah, well, keep your guard up-- or that's not all that'll be broken-- OK?"

Iolaus: "Oh, Herc-- come on. Tell me. Don't make me hurt you."

Hercules: "OK-- you two ever heard of Bacchus?"

Iolaus: "Bacchus-- oh, yeah. He's a-- Cyclops-- works for Ares."

Hercules: "No-- not even close. He's the god 'a good times. His cavern's not far from here. You know what? You two should really check it out."

Hercules's Voice: "What?"

Hercules: "What, you don't believe me?"

Iolaus: "Uh, let me put it this way-- no."

Lilith's Voice: "Your idear [sic] of a good party?"

Lilith: "That's to play-- ‘Pin the tail on the Centaur'."

Iolaus's Voice: "Yeah, Lilith's right, Herc. Uh-- we do kinda want a second opinion."

Hercules: "Sssssss. Well-- fine then. [Ed. note-- this first part was dubbed. I can't read H's lips to figure out the original.] You know what? There's lots of good food there."

Iolaus: "They got good food here. Well, they-- they have food here."

Hercules: "And there's lotsa interesting artwork."

Lilith: "Hey-hey! That's what _I_ always look for in a good party."

Hercules: "There's girls. Hey-- where you goin'?"

Iolaus: "You said-- girls-- right?"

Hercules: "Well, yeah."

Iolaus: "I'm there."

Iolaus: "Aw, man, Jas'll be mad he missed out on this, huh?"

Hercules: "Yeah, well-- that's what he gets for going to king school, right?"

Iolaus: "Uh-huh."

Hercules: "All right."

Bacchus: "Welcome back, Hercules. And thank you for bringing your-- charming friends."

Lilith: "I've never seen anything like this, before."

Bacchus: "Really? Please-- let me show you around."

Iolaus's Voice: "Never fails, huh?"

Iolaus: "Chicks always dig guys with horns."

Girl: "May I have this dance?"

Iolaus: "Ooh. [Whispers] I love you."

Hercules: "Oh-- Eurydice."

Eurydice: "Hi."

Hercules's Voice: "Hi. Uh."

Eurydice: "Come dance."

Hercules: "Uh-- thanks."

Eurydice: "I'm really glad you came back."

Hercules: "Oh. Thanks. Me, too. There's sum'in' wrong. Iolaus. We gotta get outta here."

Iolaus: "Oh. Oh, Herc. Come on. For once, you were right about a party, you know? Come on. Ease up, man."

Hercules: "I'm telling you. I got a funny feelin' about this-- and we gotta go-- now-- OK?"

Iolaus: "OK."

Hercules: "OK."

Iolaus: "Let's go."

Hercules: "Get Lilith."

Iolaus: "I'm sorry."

Hercules: "Nooooooooo!"

Bacchus: "Hear me, my Bacchae-- after them. Stop them, my Bacchae! If you don't bring them back, you'll all suffer!"

Bacchus: "That goes for you, too, Orpheus. Your job is to get humans to fill the ranks of my Bacchae. That is the one-- and only reason-- that you're not a Bacchae-- yet. Now, go!"

Hercules: "They changed into wolves. Hurry up!"

H's Voice: "Open the gates!"

Cheiron: "What happened?"

Iolaus: "Uh-- we just left a party that got a little too strange."

Lilith: "Another one of Hercules' bizarre relatives?"

Iolaus: "Yeah, this one had horns."

Cheiron: "Bacchus."

Hercules: [Whispers]: "Yeah."

Cheiron: "Count yourselves lucky you escaped his cult."

Hercules's Voice: "Cult?"

Cheiron: "The Bacchae live for the whims of their master."

Hercules: "They tried to suck us into their little cult."

Cheiron: "Legend has it that in moments of extreme excitement, the Bacchae transform into wolves."

Iolaus: "Oh, well-- that's the last time I let you pick the party."

Hercules: "Hey-- don't worry about it, OK? Next time I see that two-face Orpheus, he'll be playin' that lyre with his toes."

Iolaus: "Hmm-- and so much for your new girlfriend."

Hercules: "Whoa, whoa! You OK?"

Lilith: "I f-- feel woo-woozy."

Cheiron: "The mark of the Bacchae. Come sundown-- she'll belong to Bacchus."

Hercules: "We'll see about that."

Act Two

Hercules: "Doin' some more recruiting, Orpheus?"

Orpheus: "Hercules-- look. You gotta understand-- I-I-I had no choice."

Hercules: "Hey. Save it. All right? I only wanna know one thing from you. One thing! How do I stop Lilith from becoming-- a Bacchae?"

Orpheus: "There's no way. She belongs to Bacchus, now. Uh."

Hercules: "That's not what I wanted to hear."

Orpheus: "Only Bacchus knows the cure. All right. All right. Some of the Bacchae remember a story-- a kind of-- riddle about-- washing your spirit clean. Nobody knows what it means."

Hercules: "Well-- we're goin' back there-- and you're coming with us."

Bacchus's Voice: "The son of Zeus will be perfect for my purpose."

Bacchus: "With him as my lieutenant-- I can use you-- and the other Bacchae to build an empire-- an empire-- which you and I will share, Eurydice-- once I make Hercules join us."

Hercules's Voice: "Give it your best shot."

Eurydice's Voice: "Orpheus"

Bacchus: "Hercules."

Hercules: "Here's the deal. You and me-- right here-- right now! If you win-- I'll become a Bacchae, but if I win, you cure Lilith-- and we walk away."

Bacchus: "I have you, already. Why should I agree to this?"

Iolaus: "Uh, your innate sense of decency and fair play?"

Bacchus: "Hmm."

Hercules: "Come on-- unless you're afraid."

Bacchus: [Laughs]: "Very well, Hercules-- I could do with the exercise."

[Fight]

Iolaus: "He'd better hurry up. We're losing the sun."

Bacchus: "What, am I?! Alone here?! Get him! Grab them."

Eurydice: "We can't let this go on."

Iolaus: "This was supposed to be just you and Hercules! One-on-one!"

Bacchus: "Life is full of disappointments. Bbite him now, before the sun sets. What are you doing?! Stop! Or be destroyed!"

Iolaus: "Eurydice? She's helping us?"

Eurydice: "Oh, no you don't."

Bacchus: [Yells]

Hercules: "The spring. ‘Wash your spirit clean. Wash your spirit clean.' It's poisonous to you, not to us. Lilith!"

Iolaus: "Come on! We gotta go! All right, Herc. She's changing. Come on."

Hercules: [Sighs]: "Are you OK?"

Lilith: "Yeah-- yeah, I think so."

Iolaus: "Uh-- we shoud-- probably get goin'-- yeah?"

Hercules: "Yeah. Hey-- you comin'? Huh? Come on."

Bacchus: "Stop them!"

Lilith's Voice: "You think Bacchus will go and let them live in peace?"

Iolaus: "Ah, I don't care-- just as long as they don't come back here, the-- crazy-- yellow-eyed, wolf-- girls. Man, that place was _not_ as advertised."

Lilith: "Think about it, Iolaus. I mean, that could've been me-- trapped in that cult, forever-- living my life as that monster's slave."

Iolaus: "Yeah. Well, we should know better than to let Hercules pick our parties-- right?" [Chuckles]

Hercules: "Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sorry."

Iolaus's Voice: "You OK?"

Hercules: "Yeah."

Iolaus: "Orpheus and Eurydice will be fine."

Hercules: [Sighs]: "Just great."