Herc and Seek Transcript (Dialogue Only)

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Herc and Seek

This is a transcript of the dialogue of the episode Herc and Seek, as aired, transcribed by Bryn. To see descriptive prose between the lines of dialogue, see Herc and Seek Transcript.

Teaser

Hercules: You're sure you have enough food to feed all the cadets?

Kora: You're not going to get rowdy, are you?

Jason: Us? Rowdy? Nah, we're model citizens.

Iolaus: And, uh - we still get a group discount, all right?

Kora: Is Cheiron gonna be here?

Hercules: Maybe.

Iolaus: Yeah.

Jason: No.

Lilith: Uh... we don't know yet.

Kora: Well, I'm gonna need at least one responsible adult here.

Hercules: Uh... just give us a second?

Jason: Who do we got?

Iolaus: Fiducius. He's the only one around.

Iolaus: Come on. He's the world's biggest party-pooper.

Jason: Well, that automatically qualifies him as an adult.

Hercules: All right. It's settled, then.

Lilith: We'll bring Fiducius.

Kora: Fine. You gonna be helping out, Curly?

Iolaus: Oh, I'm gonna be-

Jason: If he says yes, does that have any bearing on our deal?

Kora: Well, I'll need a larger security deposit.

Hercules: I'm telling you guys, this is gonna be a day that we will never, ever forget.

Neolun: The boss is right. This couldn't be easier. While the toy soldiers are here partying, we'll be at the academy, stealing all the tuition money.

~*~

Boy's Voice: Hey, guys. How are ya?

Fiducius: This seems like an awful lot for food.

Hercules: We made a deal for thirty-six dinars. That's good.

Fiducius: Thirty-seven. No, not thirty-seven... where was I? Um, twe-twenty...

Hercles, Iolaus, Jason, and Lilith: Twenty-four.

Fiducius: I'll have to start over. One.

~*~

Neolun: Okay, boss. Everyone's in position.

Cratus: Good. Nobody moves until I give the signal.

~*~

Fiducius: Ten.

Jason: This is gonna take forever.

Fiducius: Eleven.

Hercules: Lilith, listen, can you go tell the others to start for Kora's? We'll meet 'em there, all right?

Lilith: OK.

Fiducius: Twelve.

Hercules: Thank you. Iolaus, just, uh...

Fiducius: Thirteen.

Hercules: ...keep Fiducius counting, all right? And whatever you do...

Fiducius: Fourteen.

Hercules: ...don't let him start over, again. Okay?

Fiducius: Fifteen.

Jason: Let's get the rest of the survival kits we hid in the stables.

Fiducius: Sixteen.

Hercules: All right.

Fiducius: Seventeen.

Iolaus: Eighteen. Eighteen.

~*~

Lilith: Okay, guys, listen up. You go ahead to Kora's. We'll see you there.

Boy's Voice: Let's go! All right!

Cratus: Oh, we didn't mean to startle you. We're looking for a friend of ours. Iolaus?

Lilith: He's inside. I'll get him for you.

Cratus: Oh, no. Oh, we'd much rather this were a surprise.

Hercules: Whoa, whoa.

Jason: Who are those guys?

~*~

Fiducius: Twenty-two.

Cratus' Voice: Hello?

Fiducius: I better see who that is.

Iolaus: Ah, no, no, no! You keep counting. Twenty-two.

Fiducius: Twenty... three.

Iolaus: Cratus.

Cratus: Iolaus, old buddy.

Iolaus: Hey, how you doing?

Cratus: Good.

Iolaus: Keeping out of trouble?

Cratus: Hmm, of course.

Iolaus: So, um... so, what're you doin here?

Cratus: Call it... a reunion... of the old gang.

Iolaus: Huh?

Lilith: Iolaus? What's up with your friends?

Cratus: Meletus, saddle up their horses.

Meletus: Yes, Cratus.

Cratus: We'll be leaving soon.

~*~

Hercules: The Lowacks. They're the most dangerous gang of thieves around. Iolaus used to run with them.

Jason: Well, what are they doing here? There's nothing to steal here. There's just...

Jason and Hercules: Tuition money.

Hercules: Of course. Cheiron's back at his village. We're supposed to be at Kora's with the cadets.

Jason: They're stealing our money. Let's take 'em!

Hercules: Whoa, hold on a second. Listen, you're forgetting, we still got Lilith and Iolaus in there? We push these guys too far... we don't know what they'll do.

Jason: I'll run after the cadets, send one to get the magistrate, and come back with the rest.

Hercules: All right. Perfect. I'll stall 'em.

Jason: How're you gonna do that? You're all alone.

Hercules: Yeah, well.. they don't know that. Listen, good luck.

Act One

Meletus: Ah, this medallion's gotta be worth something.

~*~

Cratus: Tie them up and gag 'em.

Lilith: What? What are you talking-

Iolaus: Cratus, what are you doing?! These are my friends!

Cratus: Oh, what a shame. I thought we were your friends. Tie up Iolaus, too.

~*~

Hercules: Bye-bye.

~*~

Cratus: The horses! You stay here with the money! Bring him with us!

~*~

Neolun: Meletus! What're you doing?!

Cratus: I got it covered. By the time the magistrate gets here, we'll be long gone.

Iolaus: Did you plan on them?

Neolun: Boss, let's get out of here.

Cratus: Not without the money. They're just a bunch 'a wannabe warriors. Inside! Now! Move it!

Jason: Spread out!

~*~

Cratus: Post somebody at every opening!

Neolun: Okay.

Cratus: Move!

Neolun: Cover every opening! Go! Go! Move!

~*~

Iolaus: Hey, uh, you do know that bunch of wannabe warriors is led by Jason. Jason, as in the crown-prince-of-Corinth- Jason?

Neolun: Boss, maybe we should talk this over.

Cratus: No. Jason, can you hear me? I got hostages in here. If you don't want any of them hurt, you won't do anything foolish.

Eager Cadet: We should attack now, before they fortify their positions!

Jason: No-- we can't afford to rush in. All right! We're not coming in!

Cratus: No tricks. Stay where we can see you.

~*~

Neolun: This was supposed to be easy! Hit the academy while the students were at Kora's!

Iolaus: And now, you're trapped in here.

Cratus: Stay cool. We just leave a little later than planned.

Neolun: Oh, and how're we suppossed to do that?

Cratus: I'm working on it. Okay. Post Guillen as a lookout. He's our best archer. Take the girl to the dining hall. Put the old man in the dorm. He stays with me.

~*~

Thieves: Get in there. Get another gag. Quiet.

~*~

Jason: What'd you see?

Eager Cadet: Just what you thought. They're moving the hostages to different rooms.

Jason: Ahh-- smart move. Makes it impossible to rush ‘em. We wait. Hurry up, Hercules.

~*~

Iolaus: What's the matter? Your plan falling apart?

Neolun: Why don't you keep quiet?

Cratus: How about you tell your buddies out there to let us take the money and leave? So that way, nobody gets hurt.

Iolaus: Well, how about you just leave?

Cratus: How about you help us? Come on. You must have snuck out of this dump plenty'a times.

Iolaus: Now, why would I help you?

Cratus: Remember Dorfus?

Iolaus: Yeah, he beat me up for a whole week. I remember him.

Cratus: Till I showed you how to keep him from picking on you. I was there for you when your old man wasn't.

Iolaus: Yeah, and I thank you for that. So, why are you being a jerk now?

Cratus: Well, the way I see it, I'm the reason they gave you the choice between going to jail and joining the academy.

Iolaus: Ah, they couldn't prove anything.

Cratus: That's because I didn't talk. So I figure, you owe me. We need a guide outta here.

Iolaus: They are not just gonna let you walk outta here.

Cratus: We're waiting until it's dark, and then we're sneaking out. And you're leading us. I'm gonna check on the others. Make him comfortable.

Iolaus: Hercules?

Hercules: Hi. Sh-sh-sh. Sh-sh. Listen. Over there.

Iolaus: I've got a point?

Hercules: No. There.

Iolaus: I gotta p-? You gotta point?

Neolun: Huh?

Iolaus: Uh... you've got a point. You know, you gotta leave when it's... dark, so, uh... so they won't... see you.

Hercules: Sh. Listen to me. The chest.

Iolaus: Oh, the chest. okay, okay.

Hercules: Get them to walk away. Walk away.

Iolaus: Uh, I'm-I'm walking.

Hercules: No, no, not you. Not you.

Iolaus: We're walking a-away. Walking... walking away?

Neolun: What?

Iolaus: Uh, y-you'll be walking away, you know... wh-when you've got the money, y-you'll, uh... be walking... away.

Hercules: Get out the back.

Iolaus: Uh-uh.

Hercules: Out the back.

Iolaus: I got something on my back?

Hercules: No, not your back. The back.

Iolaus: You got something on your back?

'Hercules: No, not my back. The back.

Iolaus: You've got through... through the back? Oh, through the back!

Cratus: Through the back what?

Iolaus: Uh, yeah, yeah... I was just thinking out loud. You know, uh... ways to help your plan?

Cratus: I knew you'd come around.

Iolaus: And I was thinking, if you, uh... want to dig an opening in the back wall, then I could... show you where to do it. You know, if you promise no one gets hurt.

Cratus: Well, you've got my word.

Iolaus: Okay.

Cratus: For now.

Neolun: I know you, Cratus. There's more to your plan than just crawling out the back when it's dark.

Cratus: Did I forget to tell you about the fire? Oh, just a little diversion to keep the cadets busy. We'll get a few of the boys to spread a little lamp oil around.

Act Two

Iolaus: You know, I'm not sure, but I think... it's over here. Yeah. No? Huh. Okay, uh... well, maybe it's over here somewhere.

Neolun: This better be the place. Or the next hole we dig is gonna be for you.

Iolaus: It's over there.

~*~

Jason: We're losing the sun. Hercules, where are you?

Neolun: Boss. why don't we divvy up the money now? That way, we can travel faster.

Iolaus: Oh, no, no, no! I think you should keep it together! I think your chances are much better-

'Neolun: But you're not even in the gang, anymore! Remember?

Cratus: Where's the money?

Iolaus: I don't know. Maybe you should check Neolun's pockets!

Neolun: I've heard all I can stand from your smart mouth!

Nezzas: A little lamp oil, a torch, and before you know it, the barbecue begins.

Hercules: Shhh! Hi.

Lilith: Hi. I'll free Fiducius.

Hercules: No, no, no, no, listen. Go find Jason. Tell him they're gonna set a fire out the back to cover their escape, Okay? And listen, don't do anything until I give you the signal.

Lilith: Well, what's the signal?

Nezzas: Help! Intruder!

Hercules: Go. Go!

Nezzas: Help!

~*~

Cratus: That's Nezzas. Come on!

~*~

Neolun: She's disappeared!

Cratus: Just like the money. Someone's sneaking around in here.

Nezus: It was a cadet.

Cratus: And you knew about it all along! So that's why you led us out of the room.

Iolaus: So you guys ready to give up? Huh? I mean, you don't have the money, right?

Cratus: We still got the old guy. And you.

~*~

Cratus: Whoever you are, your little game is up! We have the old guy! If you don't want him hurt, you'll bring us the money, now!

Neolun: Hey, that's not the old guy.

~*~

Cratus: The hostages are gettin' away! Guillen, stop them!

Iolaus: Yeah!

Lilith: Come on!

Jason's Voice: This way! Over here!

Cratus: No lily-livered dirtbag of a cadet is gonna ruin my plan.

Neolun: Great! Let me turn this worm into bait.

Cratus: Not yet. Hey, mystery man? How about a trade? Iolaus's life for the money.

Hercules's Voice: Over here - catch me if you can!

~*~

Fiducius: Can't we wait till Cheiron gets back?

Lilith: We don't have time. Now, Hercules said he's gonna set up a fire to cover the escape out the back.

Fiducius: Oh, dear, the academy!

Jason: Where's Iolaus?

Lilith: He's still inside. Hercules said to wait for the signal.

Jason: What's the signal?

Lilith: He didn't have time to say.

Jason: Be prepared to attack on my order. Stay alert!

~*~

Cratus: Find the money. It's gotta be in a bag somewhere. You left us for this? Schoolbooks and playing warrior.

Iolaus: Yeah, I know. How could I be so dumb? Just think of all the old ladies I coulda robbed if I'd stayed with you.

Cratus: Bigshot cadet. Who's the little old lady now?

Neolun: No money!

Cratus: Wise guy! I guess you want to watch your friend fry! Get the oil! You should have told your friend that I mean what I say. Your aching body'll be our safe ticket out of here.

Iolaus: Oh, come on, Cratus, you're not gonna hurt me... are you?

Cratus: Nezzas. Get the torch.

Nezzas: Sure, boss.

Cratus: Time for Plan B. We won't wait till it gets dark. Neolun - you and the others guard the back, and cover us while we get this little barbecue going.

Neolun: Right.

Cratus: Let's see if that friend of yours cares much about a fellow cadet.

~*~

Fiducius: They're gonna burn the academy!

Jason: That must be the signal.

Lilith: Yeah.

Jason: Let's go! Come on!

~*~

Cratus: Torch it.

Hercules-in-Disguise: I don't think so.

Cratus: What'd you say? Hercules! You're the one who's been running around in here!

Hercules: Well. Looks like Plan B didn't work out as you had hoped, huh?

Neolun: Yeah, it did!

Iolaus: Hercules - you got this figured out, right?

Hercules: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Cratus: Get him.

Iolaus: Uh, whoa. Uh...

Cratus: Not so tough now, mighty Hercules.

Iolaus: Herc, you wanna make this a short fight? Huh?

Jason: Wow!

Iolaus: Herc. Herc, come on! Any time, Herc!

Hercules: Hey.

Iolaus: Hey.

Hercules: How you doing?

Iolaus: Uh, good.

Hercules: Good.

Iolaus: Uh, you wanna cut me loose?

Hercules: Oh, yeah. Good idea.

Iolaus: Ready?

Hercules: Ready.

Iolaus and Hercules: Go!

Cadets' Voices: Quickly! Put out the fire! Grab water! Quickly!

Jason: All right, lowlife! Call off your playmates! Do it!

Cratus: Okay! Enough! Iolaus. You owe me. Get me out of this.

Iolaus: Uh, Cratus... you taught me how to steal, helped me out for a while. But that was a long time ago. I don't owe you a thing.

Jason: Get 'em out of here!

Cratus: Cadets.

Fiducius: The tuition money! Where'd they take it?

Iolaus: Well, I don't know. You better ask, uh, 'Mr. Cadet' over here.

Hercules: Come here. Here's your real hero.

Jason: Well, I guess that dummy's got a heart of gold.

Fiducius: Shall I take that?

Hercules: Oh, I don't know, Fiducius. I think I should. Oh, yeah, I should count this out for the party.

Iolaus: Hey, uh, Jason...

Jason: Take care of this.

Iolaus: Hey!