Herc's Nemesis Transcript (Novelization)

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[TEASER]

1st Thief: “I got ‘em! I did it!”

2nd Thief: “You stole the winged shoes from Hermes, the messenger of the gods?!”

1st Thief: “You bet! I snuck into Hera’s temple-- and stole ‘em-- while Hermes slept. I’ll be the greatest thief ever! Too fast for anyone to see!”

2nd Thief: “Aren’t you scared of what the gods will do?”

1st Thief: “They’ll have to catch me first! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

2nd Thief: “What’s that?”

1st Thief: “Nothing-- just the wind. [Screams] Get this thing off of me! Aw, not the shoes! Come on!”

2nd Thief: “That’s the gods for ya! That’s what happens when ya mess with their stuff.”

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Nemesis [Nem]: “Hera, my queen-- I return Hermes’ shoes as commanded. The mortal that stole them will no longer boast of his crimes.”

Hera’s Voice: “Well done, Nemesis. You have a talent for dealing with mortals who dare challenge the gods.”

Nem: “I have no choice but to fulfill my obligation.”

Hera’s Voice: “Don’t complain. You earned this dirty job. You and your father shouldn’t have sided with the Titans against Zeus for control of Olympus.”

Nem: “I was loyal to my family.”

Hera’s Voice: “Enough, Nemesis! Excuses tire me. Here’s your next assignment.”

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Ja’s Voice: “We caught ‘em off guard. I went left. Iolaus went right. And that’s when we did the old-- ”

I and H and Ja: “Tree-- uh! Uh! Gag!”

Soldier: “Kora! Food and drink! I’ve gotta get this criminal to Thebes before nightfall.”

Kora: “Criminal? Rowab took a little oil from Hera’s temple to keep his sick kid warm.”

H: “Hey! So why don’t you just take it easy, all right?!”

Ja: “Hey, hey.”

H: “Well, he’s in chains. What’s he gonna do, huh?!”

Ja: “Hey, man. Don’t antagonize the constable.”

I: “What? So it’s OK for him to push him around like that.”

Ja: “Well, you tell me. You’re the expert. When you’ve been arrested, and someone makes the guard angry-- who’s he take it out on? I was thinkin’ of Rowab.”

I: “Yeah-- well so was Hercules.”

H: “Whoa. Whoa-- who is that?”

Ja: “That’s-- that’s the wind.”

H: “You guys are tellin’ me that you don’t see that _beautiful_ girl with the bow and arrow?”

I: “Believe me-- if there was a beautiful girl at the door-- I’d see her.”

H: “Hey. Wait. S-stop!”

Rowab [Row]: “Get him off me!”

Soldier: “What do you think you’re doin’?!”

H: “Well, Mr. Ungrateful, I was saving you from her!”

Ja: “Hercules, there’s nobody there.”

---

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[ACT I]

Kora: “I told you! No roughhousing!”

H: “I can explain!”

Kora: “And the next time you wanna play fire god, you do it somewhere else!”

H: “Yeah, well, uh-- I was leavin’ anyway!”

Ja: “Hey-- whatever ya saw, or ya didn’t see-- forget it. She’s irritable.”

Nem: “Who are you to interfere?!”

H: “Oh, hi. Uh-- I’m Hercules.”

I: “I know.”

Nem: “You must be a god if you can see me?”

H: “Well-- you know-- not a god-god, just a half-god. Zeus is my father?”

Ja: “So?”

H [Sighs]: “Uh, listen-- who-who are you?”

Nem: “I’m Nemesis.”

I: “I’m Iolaus, and this is-- Jason. What’s goin’ on with the big guy?”

Ja: “I don’t know.”

I: “I think there was something in the custard this morning. It was the custard. Did you see how much he was eating?”

H: “Guys, can you cut it out? I’m not talkin’ to you, OK? I’m-- I’m talking to Nemesis.”

I: “The goddess? She’s here?”

H: “Yeah.”

Ja: “Nemesis is the goddess of justice. She exterminates people. That’s no good.”

H: “I know that, Jason. But we don’t need to talk about her like she’s not here, right? I mean, she’s right in the middle of you guys.”

Ja and I: “Ooh.”

Nem: “They can’t see me.”

H: “Oh.”

Ja: “Nemesis! If you’re-- hey! If you’re here to hurt my friend! You’re gonna have to go through me, first!”

H: “She’s over there.”

Ja’s Voice: “Oh, yeah.”

H: “Guys? Listen, don’t worry about it, OK? She’s not here for me. She’s here for Rowab.”

Nem: “And you stopped me. I won’t fail a second time.”

H: “Uh-- ”

I: “Well-- it’s a good thing you’re not after Hercules! ‘Cause you’d have to go through the three of us!”

Ja: “Yeah!”

H: “Guys-- she’s gone.”

I: “Ah.”

Ja: “Huh. Huh. Hey-- where you goin’?”

H: “I’m gonna go protect Rowab. He doesn’t deserve to be crushed like an insect by the gods.”

I: “You out of your mind? Nemesis-- nothing stops her.”

H: “Well-- maybe-- maybe not.”

I: “And what are you gonna do?”

H: “I’m gonna turn on the charm.”

Ja: “Aw-- we’re doomed.”

H: “All right. Just stay here, OK? I don’t wanna get you two hurt.”

I: “Are we gonna let him have all the fun by himself?”

Ja: “Of course not. Let’s roll.”

---

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H: “I thought that we discussed this.”

Nem: “Look, I told you, it is the will of the queen of the gods. You interfere, and you will share Rowab’s fate.”

H: “I’m just tryin’ to keep you from makin’ a mistake-- all right?”

Nem: “Rowab is a thief. He stole oil from Hera’s temple.”

H: “And he’s paying for it! What kind of a goddess are you?”

Nem: “I’m the goddess of justice?”

H: “Justice-- really. So you call it justice when you destroy a man for taking some oil to keep his sick child warm?”

Nem: “I don’t have a choice, OK? I do as I’m told. It’s my punishment.”

H: “For what?”

Nem: “When your father, Zeus, revolted against the Titans for control of Mt. Olympus-- my father sided with the Titans. Now, because of that-- I’m forced to obey any god who demands a mortal be punished.”

H: “I’m sorry.”

Ja’s Voice: “Are you talkin’ to Nemesis again?”

H’s Voice: “Yeah.”

I: “Sorry for what?”

H: “Uh-- my father pushed her into her lousy job.”

I: “Oh-- so why doesn’t she retire?”

Ja: “You just can’t quit on Zeus. It’s not that easy.”

Soldier: “Move it along.”

H: “Wait-- wait. Listen. Please-- don’t take his life.”

Nem: “It’s Hera’s command.”

H: “What if Hera’s wrong?”

Nem: “Hera’s commands are never wrong. Look, just get out of the way. If you interfere, she has told me to destroy you.”

H: “To destroy me?”

I: “Destroy you?”

Ja: “Destroy him? Hera hasn’t told her that you fall under Zeus’s protection.”

I: “Yeah, she doesn’t know that if she lays a finger on you, Zeus zaps her for good.”

Nem: “What are these mortals babbling about?”

H: “You say Hera’s never wrong. She put your life in danger-- when she told you to come against me. Ask Zeus. Now, she was wrong once. Maybe she’s wrong again. I can’t let you do this. Go back! Go-- back! Rowab, go back!”

Row: “Get off me! What’s your deal?!”

Soldier: “I suppose you’re _savin’_ him again, huh?!”

H: “Yes!”

Ja: “Sorry about my friend, here. He’s been crazy ever since he-- met Nemesis.”

I [Interrupting]: “Uh, drank some bad pond water.”

Soldier: “Kids, nowadays.”

H: “Get Rowab outta here, OK?”

I: “I’m sorry about this. He-he drank some bad pond water. I think it’s gone straight to his head.”

Ja: “Ah-h-h.”

I: “He thinks he can see the goddess, Nemesis.”

H: “Nemesis!”

I: “See? Uh-- ooh.”

Soldier: “Bad pond water or no bad pond water-- he shows up again-- I’ll lock him up, too!”

I: “Oh-- uh-- ”

Ja: “I got this. I got this.”

I: “Oh, OK.”

Ja: “Constable-- ha-ha-- Jason of Corinth.”

Soldier: “Oh-- the young prince.”

Ja: “Hey, listen, I’ve got a very-- sweet-- deal for you. Thebes is-- so far away. Why don’t you come to Corinth? I’ll setcha up in a nice, fast carriage? Huh? What do ya say? Say yes. It’s so easy to say yes.”

Soldier: “Oh, yes.”

Ja: “Ha-- that’s it. All right, let’s roll.” [Sighs]

I: “Jas, what are yo doing?”

Ja: “The old negotiation gag.”

I: “Got it.”

---

---

Hera’s Voice: “Stregna-- Nemesis has disobeyed my command. If you wish to become goddess of justice-- you must prove your worth-- by destroying her.”

Stregna [Str]: “I will not let you down, Hera.”

Hera’s Voice: “Did this arrow in the bowl of Hind’s blood-- the only thing that can kill a god. Careful-- a scratch and you will be lost. Nemesis is clever. You will only have one chance.”

Str: “I’ll only need one.”

Hera’s Voice: “Oh, yes-- if Hercules gets in your way-- eliminate him.”

---

---

H: “That was a nice shot.”

Nem: “I missed on purpose.”

H: “That’s great.”

Nem: “No-- it isn’t. Don’t you see? Hera’s out for both of us, now.”

---

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[ACT II]

H: “That was brave of you.”

Nem: “Brave? I don’t feel brave.”

H: “Well, uh-- you feel better, though, don’tcha?”

Nem: “I don’t know what I feel. You’ve confused me. I’ve never failed Hera before.”

H: “She’s understanding, I imagine.”

Str: “Well, well, well-- Nemesis _and_ Hercules.”

H: “Do I know you?”

Nem: “Stregna-- a minor goddess who’s trying to take my place.”

Str: “_Is_ taking your place.”

H: “Do you two wanna be alone?”

Str: “You disobeyed Hera. She made you my first target.”

Nem: “You wondered if Hera might be understanding?”

H: “I thought gods were immortal. How could she hurt you?”

Nem: “If the arrow is dipped in Hind’s blood.”

Str: “Good guess.”

[Fight]

Str: “Uh! Uh!”

H: “Hey! Nice shot!”

Nem: “Yeah, for now. We’ve gotta move.”

H: “Yeah. I see whatcha mean. Come on.”

---

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H: “So, I-- suppose talkin’ to her’s out of the question?”

Nem: “Stregna’s always wanted to take my place. She won’t stop until I’m gone.”

H: “Uh. Let’s get outta here.”

Str: “So, you wanna play hide-and-seek?”

---

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Nem: “Don’t stop. Stregner [sic] will find us for sure.”

H: “We haven’t seen her for awhile, now.”

Nem: “She’s looking for us. Trust me. This mortal form of getting around really wears me out.”

H: “Well, uh-- well, we could rest. There. Well, not many people come here, you know, so we probably have time to figure out what we’re gonna do.”

Str: “Sorry. Time’s up.”

Nem: “You can’t hit what you can’t see.”

Str: “At least, go out with some dignity, Nemesis. This is pitiful.”

H: “Let’s get outta here, OK? Whoa. Uh-- ”

Str: “You know you can’t hide from me.”

Nem: “You want me? You got me. But leave Hercules out of this!”

Str: “Too late. Hera was very specific. He interferes-- he’s fair game.”

Nem: “You do know that if you harm Hercules, you’ll have to deal with his father, Zeus?”

H: “Hmm? Huh?”

Nem: “I don’t suppose Hera mentioned that. She doesn’t care any more about you than she did about me!”

Str: “Am I hearing this? Nemesis has feelings for mortals? Tsk-tsk-tsk.”

H: “Is she hearing this?! Do ya?!”

Nem: “Well-- ”

Str: “So-- we’ll just have to find a reason for Hercules to leave. Say-- saving his friends?”

I and Ja’s Voices: “Hercules?!”

Ja’s Voice: “Where are you?”

I: “Herc!”

Str [H’s Voice]: “Over here!”

H: “What? No! No! Not over here! Don’t! It’s a trick!”

I: “Get us down! Herc!”

Nem: “Go-- save your friends. I’ll deal with Stregna.”

H: “OK.”

Str: “He’s such a pest.”

H: “Sorry-- huh. Such a pest-- huh.”

H: “Oh! Ooh! I’m a little worried about you!”

Ja: “Yeah! The joke’s on us!”

H: “Can I borrow this?”

Ja: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Take it! We’ll just-- we’ll hang around!”

H: “OK. Come here.”

I: “Uh-- sorry we’re late. We, uh-- got a bit wrapped up.”

H: “You guys OK?”

Ja: “Yeah-- we’re vine. I mean-- we’re fine.”

H: “Oh-- come on.”

---

---

Nem: “Uh! Uh!”

H: “We have to stop Stregna.”

I: “Where is she?”

H: “She’s right there.”

Ja: “Right there!”

I: “Oh.”

H: “Yeah.”

I: “So, what do we do?”

H: “Uh-- you gotta be distractions.”

Ja and I: “Oh. OK.”

H: “No. No. No. No. Not to me! Not to me-- to her.”

I: “Oh.”

H: “OK-- here we go. Will _it_ fit?”

Ja and H and I: “We’ll never quit! Ye-ah-h-h!”

I’s Voice: “Hey! Over here!”

I: “Uh. Uh. Hey! Uh.”

I’s Voice: “Yeah! Over here!”

Ja’s Voice: “Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

I’s Voice: “Uh-- look! Look at me! Look at me! Uh.”

Ja: “Nyaah.”

I’s Voice: “Yeah, hi! Hey! Hey!”

H: “All right! Jason! Go left! OK, Iolaus! Back! Back! Whoa! Jason-- get ready.”

Ja: “Come on!”

H: “Go right! Iolaus! Get out of there! Get out of there! Go back! Go back! Good! Hey! Do the old tree gag!”

I: “What?”

H: “The old classic-- come on.”

I and Ja: “Oh. Oh! Hey! Over here! Say what?! Over here! Hey! Say what?! Come on! Over here! Shake it! Come on! Shake it!”

H: “Ready?”

Ja’ss Voice: “Yeah.”

H: “Go! Go right!”

Str: “My hair.”

H: “Yeah-- your hair.”

Str: “You’ve won this time. But my hair will come back-- and so will I.”

H: “Hi. So, uh-- what’re you gonna do, now? Huh? You gonna-- go back to being the goddess of justice?”

Nem: “I don’t know. I don’t know if Hera will allow it. I’ve got a lotta thinking to do.”

H: “Yeah.”

Nem: “And what will you do?”

H: “About what?”

Nem: “Well, about Hera-- it’s obvious that she hates you.”

H: “Yeah. Why is it? I mean, what’d I ever do to her?”

Nem: “Zeus is your father. The thought that Zeus could love a child that wasn’t hers probably caused a jealous rage.”

H: “So, let me get this straight, um-- I bother Hera-- just by being me?”

I [Whispers]: “Nemesis?”

Nem: “I must go. Um-- I hope that our paths will cross again.”

H: “I hope so.”

Nem: “But-- not in any official capacity.”

H: “Did you just ask me out?”

Nem: “Maybe.”

H: “Well-- make sure you, uh-- look out for, uh-- Stregna. Her hair _will_ come back. Huh.”

Nem: “And you watch out for Hera.”

H: “I will. Uh-- ”

I: “Is she gone?”

H: “Yes. Let’s go.”

Ja: “Hey, didja get the whole ‘gettin’-- shot-at-with-an-arrow’ straightened out?”

I: “You’re off the list?”

H: “Well, I was never officially _on_ the list. OK? Rowab was.”

Ja: “Yeah, but then you got in the way, and then _we_ got in the way, and-- ”

I: “So, uh-- you gonna see her again?”

H: “Well, that is a definite maybe-- ”

I: “Ah.”

H: “OK?”

Ja: “What?! Maybe?! She’s an assassin! She’s a death machine!”

I: “Ah, yeah, yeah. But the death machine was a babe-- right?”

Ja: “Oh-- whatever. The question is-- can she do the old tree-- uh! Uh!”

All: “Gag!”

Ja: “Over here!”

H and I: “Where?!”

Ja: “Over here!”

H and I: “Where?”

All: “Over there?! Yes!” [Cheer]