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| '''[[1.06 Teachers Pests|« Back to "1.06 Teachers Pests"]]'''<td></tr></table> | | '''[[1.06 - Teacher's Pests|« Back to "1.06 - Teacher's Pests"]]'''<td></tr></table> |
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| [TEASER]
| | To Be Added. |
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| H: “Come on! Give up!”
| | [[Category:Scripts]][[Category:YH Episode Scripts (Novelization)]] |
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| Ja: “Ah-- never!”
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| H: “You’re lucky. I almost hadja [sic].”
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| Ja: “Ah-- in your dreams.”
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| H: “Oh yeah? You’re just lucky the bell rang.”
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| Ja: “You’re lucky the bell rang.”
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| H: “No-- I think _you’re_ lucky the bell rang. So-- got your
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| stuff ready?”
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| Ja: “Oh, I’ve been ready for this break days.”
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| H: “I thought you loved this place.”
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| Ja: “I do. Doesn’t mean I wanna spend my weekends here.”
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| H: “Well-- I can think of worse things than hanging out here
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| with no one else around-- you know? It’d be nice and quiet.”
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| Ja: “Remind me never to have you plan one of my parties.”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| Fiducius [Fid]: “Look out, you! Clumsy! You want a
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| suspension?! Is that what you want?! Huh?!”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| I [Sing-songy]: “Mmm, yeah, it’s you.”
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| H: “Whoo!”
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| Ja: “Whoa. Smells like a satyr crawled in here and died.”
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| I: “Yeah, that’s very funny. Whoa! Hey, hey! Mi-- ! Mind the
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| hair.”
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| H: “Looks like somebody’s got big plans for the weekend, huh?
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| What’s up?”
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| I: “Well-- if you _losers_ must know-- _I_ have a date-- with
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| Kora.”
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| H [Laughs]: “Come on. Get serious.”
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| I: “Hey, what can I say? I guess she decided I’m the man for
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| her.”
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| H: “Whoo.”
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| Ja: “I thought you said you were going to Kora’s to ask for
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| work-- like bein’ a busboy or sum’in.”
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| I: “Do I look like the busboy type?”
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| H: “Ah, you’re right-- more like a dishwasher.”
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| I: “Ahh-- you’re just jealous.”
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| Ja: “No, we’re hungry.”
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| I: “Well, I’ll tell you what. Last one out the gate-- buys
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| breakfast.”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| I: “I think someone owes me a breakfast!”
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| H: “Nice one, Iolaus. Guys-- I think we’re in trouble.”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| [ACT I]
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| Fid: “Hoodlums! Terrorists!” [Sneezes]
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| I: “Bless you.”
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| Fid: “Huh?”
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| H: “Fiducius.”
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| Fid: “Huh?”
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| H: “We’re sorry. OK? It was an accident.”
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| Fid: “Ha!”
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| I: “Yeah-- we were just having a race.”
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| Fid: “It was a premeditated malicious attack on a despised
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| authority figure! Don’t think-- I don’t know how you boys
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| _snicker_ at me behind my back! Keep it up, boys. You’re just
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| digging yourselves a bigger hole. This might even affect your
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| permanent record.”
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| Cheiron: “I trust the discipline Fiducius chooses-- will
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| enlighten-- as well as punish.”
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| Fid: “You’re gonna be enlightened, all right. Boys, if you had
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| any plans for today, forget ‘em. You’re stuck here with me.”
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| I: “You can’t do that!”
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| Fid: “Why not?”
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| I: “Well, because-- I mean-- I mean, I’m sup-I’ve go-- ”
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| Fid [Interrupting]: “Obviously, you’ve got me confused with
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| someone who cares.”
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| I: “Yes, sir.”
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| Fid: “See? There are two little words you boys never learned--
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| respect and responsibility, the keys to an orderly society. You
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| boys show no respect. You boys take no responsibility. When my
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| boy, Pythias, was a student here-- things were different.”
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| I: “Just kill me now.”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| Ja: “Ah, I hate this. You really think he’s gonna make us work
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| all day?”
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| H: “Fiducius? The dean of mean? You bet.”
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| I: “I can’t stay here all day. Ah-- there’s no way. I’ve got
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| to get out.”
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| Ja: “Why is that?”
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| I: “W-well, you know, I-I got that big date with, uh-- Kora.”
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| H: “Date? You’re gonna have to do better than that. Come on;
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| come on.”
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| I: “OK, I’m a busboy.”
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| Ja: “Ahhh-- there you go. Now, don’t you feel better?”
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| I: “No, not really. It’s my first day. If I don’t turn up--
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| Kora’s gonna fire me for sure.”
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| H: “Why don’t you just tell Fidicius that?”
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| I: “Well, I tried. He couldn’t care less. Anyway, how is it
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| gonna prove I wasn’t just making it up? So I was, uh-- thinking
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| I might, uh-- sneak out.”
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| Ja: “Are you crazy?”
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| H: “You get caught, and you’ll get out of school.”
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| I: “Well, if Kora fires me, I can’t pay my tuition anyway. The
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| thing is-- I need you guys to cover for me.”
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| Ja: “You gotta be kiddin’, Iolaus.”
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| H: “Ah-- I don’t think so, you know?”
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| I: “Don’t you remember why I’m here? Probation. If I’m not in
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| the academy, I’m in jail. I’m goin’ to Kora’s, whether or not
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| you help me.”
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| H [Sighs]: “All right. We’ll do it.”
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| I: “Ooh-- you guys are the best. And Jason-- ”
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| Ja: “Don’t hug me.”
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| I: “OK. OK.”
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| H: [Sighs]
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| Ja: “Oh!”
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| H: “Huh?”
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| Ja: “Hercules-- ”
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| H: “Yeah?”
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| Ja: “I just remembered. I, also-- have, uh-- to go.”
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| H: “Oh, really?”
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| Ja: “Yeah.”
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| H [Laughs]: “No!”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| Ja: “I can’t believe I’m doin’ this.”
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| H: “What? You’re great with animals. Ah!”
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| Ja: “You know what I’m talkin’ about-- Fiducius would love to
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| catch us pullin’ a stunt like this.”
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| Fid: “Like what?”
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| H: “Uh, uh-- well, like nothin’, sir.”
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| Fid: “You call this ‘mucked out’? My boy, Pythias, would be
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| ashamed to let a teacher see such-- shoddy work.”
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| Ja: “Yeah, I’ll bet he could really shovel it.”
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| Fid: “Huh?”
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| Ja: “Huh?”
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| Fid: “Wait a minute! Where’s that Iolaus?”
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| H: “Oh-- h-he’s-- well, h-he’s right up-- i-in the loft, sir.”
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| Fid: “Where?”
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| H: “Ah-- right-- up there. You see? Hey-- uh, Iolaus!”
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| Fid: “I’ll go speed him up!”
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| H: “Uh-- ”
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| Fid: “Ho! Hip! Hip! Uh-- heyyyyyyy! My eye! Eee!”
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| Ja: “Sorry about that. The goat-- the goat.”
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| H: “Hey, Iolaus! Toss me a bale! Hey, thank you!”
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| H/I’s Voice: “Uh, you’re welcome!”
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| H: “Ha-ha.”
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| Ja: “Hey, we better get that out. You wouldn’t want the milk to
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| curdle.”
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| Fid: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-- let go of me! Stay
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| alert up there! If you know what’s good for you!”
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| H/I’s Voice: “Yes, sir.”
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| Fid: “Clumsy-- undisciplined-- irresponsible!”
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| H and Ja: [Sighs]
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| Cadet: “Look at you, Tapert [?]! You’re a free man!”
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| Kora: “A little late-- for our first day, aren’t we?”
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| I: “Uh-- I’m sorry. It was-- uh, shepherd-- rush hour.”
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| Kora: “Oh-- that’s a new one. Look, I’m really busy, today, so
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| I need you to wait tables.”
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| I: “I’m a waiter? Cool. Do-- waiters get to date the boss?
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| Ow!”
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| Kora: “Not dead ones.”
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| I: “Ooh!”
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| Kora: “Take the table in the corner. Ya got a customer
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| waiting.”
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| I: “Ow. It’s OK-- I’m a waiter. This is just not my day.”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| [ACT II]
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| Cadet: “Come one, let’s go to the house of graves, and Mary
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| Field.” [I really didn’t catch this line.]
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| Kora: “Uh-- what’s with the hat?”
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| I: “Uh-- well, I was just-- uh, thinking-- you know? What if
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| all the waiters wore different-- goo-goofy hats? You know? I
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| mean-- ha! Wouldn’t that be a cute gimmick?”
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| Kora [Laughs]: “We already _have_ a cute gimmick. It’s called,
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| ‘Serving-- the customers’.”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| Fid: “All these scrolls-- must be filed in strict alphabetical
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| order. When my boy, Pythias, went here, the students knew the
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| value of a precisely orderd library. But nobody reads anymore.
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| Everyone’s too busy goin’ to plays or, lookin’ at sculptures.
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| _Now_, where’s Iolaus?!”
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| H: “Ohhh-- uh-- pssh-- he was right behind me a second ago.”
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| Fid: “There’s something strange going on-- ”
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| Ja [Interrupting]: “He went to slop the hogs.”
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| Fid: “Slop the hogs?”
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| Ja: “Yeah.”
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| Fid’s Voice: “Really?”
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| Ja: “Yeah.”
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| H: “Slop the hogs.”
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| Fid: “Very well. Get to work.”
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| H: “Slop the hogs?”
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| Ja: “It was the only thing I could think of!”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| Fid: “Hmm-- slop the hogs.”
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| Ja: “He didn’t believe me. That really burns me up!”
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| H: “Let’s hope I can get there first.”
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| Ja: “Is there no trust anymore?”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| Cheiron: “Are the oats fresh today?”
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| I-Disguised: “Uh-- you bet.”
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| Cheiron: “Fine. I’ll have the, uh-- vegetarian stuffed grape
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| leaves, and a side order of oats. Thanks.”
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| I: “Thank you.”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| H: “Iolaus-- you owe me so big-time.”
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| Fid: “Oh! Iolaus, is that you?”
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| H/I: “Uh-- yes. Yes, sir.”
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| Fid: “You really throw yourself into your work, don’t you, boy?”
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| H/I [Laughs]: “Yes, sir.”
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| Fid: “I gotta say, it’s better than that cologne you were
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| wearing. Carry on. Just-- wash up before you come back in,
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| huh?”
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| H/I: “Yes, sir, huh.”
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| H: “Hey, what are _you_ lookin’ at, Porky?”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| Cadet: “Dickens is pretty strice about a dress code, here.”
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| Kora: “What’s going on? Why are you hiding from him?”
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| I: “Hiding? Ffff! What do you mean, hiding?”
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| Man: “Hey! My hat!”
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| Kora: “Hmm. So?”
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| Cheiron: “Waiter! More water, please.”
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| Kora: “Mmmm. Mmm.”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| H: “Hey.”
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| Ja: “Oh-- don’t scare me like that. Hey, what happened?”
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| H: “Oh-- you won’t believe it. I get to the pigpen, right?”
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| Ja: “Oh, that’s great. Hey-- you know what these are?”
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| H: “No.”
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| Ja: “These are student records.”
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| H: “So?”
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| Ja: “So-- I just dropped most of the F’s.”
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| H: “OK.”
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| Ja: “Flanicci.”
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| H: “Wait.”
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| Ja: “Flaenus.”
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| H: “Oh. Jason-- listen, I-I wouldn’t mess with this if I was
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| you, OK?”
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| Ja: “Ahhh-- here we go-- Pythias Fiducius-- as in, ‘Back when my
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| boy, Pythias, went to school’. Let’s see if he’s the, uh--
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| hotshot big Daddy says he is.”
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| H: “Jason-- I really think that we should put it back. OK.”
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| Ja: “Whoa.”
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| H: “What? Oh. Incompletes? Look at this. He even got a
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| suspension.”
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| Ja: “So much for ‘Mr. Perfect Cadet’, huh?”
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| H: “You know what’s weird about this? It doesn’t even mention
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| him graduating.”
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| Fid: “That’s because he didn’t.”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| Cheiron: “Thank you, Kora.”
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| Kora: “Come again.”
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| I: “So-- how am I doing?”
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| Kora: “Oh, I’d say you’re done.”
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| I: “You mean, I’m fired?”
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| Kora: “Nah-- I’ve just had enough entertainment for one day.”
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| I: “Oh-- great. So, when do I get my pay?”
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| Kora: “It should just about cover your damages.”
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| I: “Ah. Gotcha.”
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| Kora: “Now, beat it. I’ll see ya next week.”
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| I: “Thanks-- boss.”
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| -----------------------------------------------------------------
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| Fid: “He was a good boy, once-- good student. Made me proud.
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| Then he started getting into scrapes-- small ones at first. I
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| went easy on him-- covered for him-- let him get away with
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| things. He got wilder and wilder-- uncontrollable. I didn’t
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| know what to do with him. One day-- he just ran away. You
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| wonder why I’m so hard on you boys. It’s because I don’t want
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| the same thing to happen to you. I don’t want to let you down--
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| the way I did him.”
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| H: “You can’t keep blaming yourself for your son’s mistakes.
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| Eventually, you have to let him take responsibility for himself.”
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| Fid: “I wish I could. Perhaps when you have children of your
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| own, you’ll understand.”
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| H: “Maybe. But I do know that-- I would be the luckiest kid in
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| the world if I had a father who cared about me as you care care
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| about him.”
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| Fid: “Huh?”
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| I: “Oh-- uh, sorry. I’ll come back later.”
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| H: “Iolaus. Uh, listen-- Fiducius. We had to go, OK? He has a
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| job.”
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| Ja: “We said we’d do his work for him.”
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| I: “Yeah, yeah-- don’t blame them. It was my fault.”
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| Cheiron: “So-- how did it go, today?”
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| Fid: “Not quite-- as I expected. But they worked hard. They’re
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| good boys.”
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| Cheiron: “Sometimes it’s the teacher that learns a lesson.
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| Enjoy the rest of your day. Oh-- one more thing. Iolaus-- ”
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| I [Clears throat]: “U-uh-- ye-yes, sir?”
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| Cheiron: “Your tip.”
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| I: “Hey!”
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| Ja: “You owe me.”
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| I: “For-- ? Oh-- of course.”
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| H: “It’s OK. You can buy another dinner, all right?”
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| [[Category:Scripts]] | |
