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| '''[[1.06 Teachers Pests|« Back to "1.06 Teachers Pests"]]'''<td></tr></table> | | '''[[1.06 Teachers Pests|« Back to "1.06 Teachers Pests"]]'''<td></tr></table> |
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| == Teaser ==
| | To Be Added. |
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| '''Hercules:''' "Come on! Give up!"
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| '''Jason:''' "Ah-- never!"
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| '''Hercules:''' "You're lucky. I almost hadja [sic]."
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| '''Jason:''' "Ah-- in your dreams."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Oh yeah? You're just lucky the bell rang."
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| '''Jason:''' "You're lucky the bell rang."
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| '''Hercules:''' "No-- I think _you're_ lucky the bell rang. So-- got your stuff ready?"
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| '''Jason:''' "Oh, I've been ready for this break days."
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| '''Hercules:''' "I thought you loved this place."
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| '''Jason:''' "I do. Doesn't mean I wanna spend my weekends here."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Well-- I can think of worse things than hanging out here with no one else around-- you know? It'd be nice and quiet."
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| '''Jason:''' "Remind me never to have you plan one of my parties."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Look out, you! Clumsy! You want a suspension?! Is that what you want?! Huh?!"
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| '''Iolaus:''' [Sing-songy]: "Mmm, yeah, it's you."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Whoo!"
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| '''Jason:''' "Whoa. Smells like a satyr crawled in here and died."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Yeah, that's very funny. Whoa! Hey, hey! Mi-- ! Mind the hair."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Looks like somebody's got big plans for the weekend, huh? What's up?"
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Well-- if you _losers_ must know-- _I_ have a date-- with Kora."
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| '''Hercules:''' [Laughs]: "Come on. Get serious."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Hey, what can I say? I guess she decided I'm the man for her."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Whoo."
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| '''Jason:''' "I thought you said you were going to Kora's to ask for work-- like bein' a busboy or sum'in."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Do I look like the busboy type?"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Ah, you're right-- more like a dishwasher."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Ahh-- you're just jealous."
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| '''Jason:''' "No, we're hungry."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Well, I'll tell you what. Last one out the gate-- buys breakfast."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "I think someone owes me a breakfast!"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Nice one, Iolaus. Guys-- I think we're in trouble."
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| == Act One ==
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Hoodlums! Terrorists!" [Sneezes]
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Bless you."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Huh?"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Fiducius."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Huh?"
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| '''Hercules:''' "We're sorry. OK? It was an accident."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Ha!"
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Yeah-- we were just having a race."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "It was a premeditated malicious attack on a despised authority figure! Don't think-- I don't know how you boys _snicker_ at me behind my back! Keep it up, boys. You're just digging yourselves a bigger hole. This might even affect your permanent record."
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| '''Cheiron:''' "I trust the discipline Fiducius chooses-- will enlighten-- as well as punish."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "You're gonna be enlightened, all right. Boys, if you had any plans for today, forget 'em. You're stuck here with me."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "You can't do that!"
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Why not?"
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Well, because-- I mean-- I mean, I'm sup-I've go-- "
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| '''Fiducius:''' [Interrupting]: "Obviously, you've got me confused with someone who cares."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Yes, sir."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "See? There are two little words you boys never learned-- respect and responsibility, the keys to an orderly society. You boys show no respect. You boys take no responsibility. When my boy, Pythias, was a student here-- things were different."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Just kill me now."
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| '''Jason:''' "Ah, I hate this. You really think he's gonna make us work all day?"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Fiducius? The dean of mean? You bet."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "I can't stay here all day. Ah-- there's no way. I've got to get out."
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| '''Jason:''' "Why is that?"
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| '''Iolaus:''' "W-well, you know, I-I got that big date with, uh-- Kora."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Date? You're gonna have to do better than that. Come on; come on."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "OK, I'm a busboy."
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| '''Jason:''' "Ahhh-- there you go. Now, don't you feel better?"
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| '''Iolaus:''' "No, not really. It's my first day. If I don't turn up-- Kora's gonna fire me for sure."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Why don't you just tell Fidicius that?"
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Well, I tried. He couldn't care less. Anyway, how is it gonna prove I wasn't just making it up? So I was, uh-- thinking I might, uh-- sneak out."
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| '''Jason:''' "Are you crazy?"
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| '''Hercules:''' "You get caught, and you'll get out of school."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Well, if Kora fires me, I can't pay my tuition anyway. The thing is-- I need you guys to cover for me."
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| '''Jason:''' "You gotta be kiddin', Iolaus."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Ah-- I don't think so, you know?"
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Don't you remember why I'm here? Probation. If I'm not in the academy, I'm in jail. I'm goin' to Kora's, whether or not you help me."
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| '''Hercules:''' [Sighs]: "All right. We'll do it."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Ooh-- you guys are the best. And Jason-- "
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| '''Jason:''' "Don't hug me."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "OK. OK."
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| '''Hercules:''' [Sighs]
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| '''Jason:''' "Oh!"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Huh?"
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| '''Jason:''' "Hercules-- "
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| '''Hercules:''' "Yeah?"
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| '''Jason:''' "I just remembered. I, also-- have, uh-- to go."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Oh, really?"
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| '''Jason:''' "Yeah."
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| '''Hercules:''' [Laughs]: "No!"
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| '''Jason:''' "I can't believe I'm doin' this."
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| '''Hercules:''' "What? You're great with animals. Ah!"
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| '''Jason:''' "You know what I'm talkin' about-- Fiducius would love to catch us pullin' a stunt like this."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Like what?"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Uh, uh-- well, like nothin', sir."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "You call this 'mucked out'? My boy, Pythias, would be ashamed to let a teacher see such-- shoddy work."
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| '''Jason:''' "Yeah, I'll bet he could really shovel it."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Huh?"
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| '''Jason:''' "Huh?"
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Wait a minute! Where's that Iolaus?"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Oh-- h-he's-- well, h-he's right up-- i-in the loft, sir."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Where?"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Ah-- right-- up there. You see? Hey-- uh, Iolaus!"
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| '''Fiducius:''' "I'll go speed him up!"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Uh-- "
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Ho! Hip! Hip! Uh-- heyyyyyyy! My eye! Eee!"
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| '''Jason:''' "Sorry about that. The goat-- the goat."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Hey, Iolaus! Toss me a bale! Hey, thank you!"
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| '''Hercules as Iolaus's Voice:''' "Uh, you're welcome!"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Ha-ha."
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| '''Jason:''' "Hey, we better get that out. You wouldn't want the milk to curdle."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-- let go of me! Stay alert up there! If you know what's good for you!"
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| '''Hercules as Iolaus's Voice:''' "Yes, sir."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Clumsy-- undisciplined-- irresponsible!"
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| '''Hercules''' and '''Jason:''' [Sighs]
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| '''Cadet:''' "Look at you, Tapert [?]! You're a free man!"
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| '''Kora:''' "A little late-- for our first day, aren't we?"
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Uh-- I'm sorry. It was-- uh, shepherd-- rush hour."
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| '''Kora:''' "Oh-- that's a new one. Look, I'm really busy, today, so I need you to wait tables."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "I'm a waiter? Cool. Do-- waiters get to date the boss? Ow!"
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| '''Kora:''' "Not dead ones."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Ooh!"
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| '''Kora:''' "Take the table in the corner. Ya got a customer waiting."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Ow. It's OK-- I'm a waiter. This is just not my day."
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| == Act Two ==
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| '''Cadet:''' "Come one, let's go to the house of graves, and Mary Field." [I really didn't catch this line.]
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| '''Kora:''' "Uh-- what's with the hat?"
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Uh-- well, I was just-- uh, thinking-- you know? What if all the waiters wore different-- goo-goofy hats? You know? I mean-- ha! Wouldn't that be a cute gimmick?"
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| '''Kora:''' [Laughs]: "We already _have_ a cute gimmick. It's called, 'Serving-- the customers'."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "All these scrolls-- must be filed in strict alphabetical order. When my boy, Pythias, went here, the students knew the value of a precisely orderd library. But nobody reads anymore. Everyone's too busy goin' to plays or, lookin' at sculptures. _Now_, where's Iolaus?!"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Ohhh-- uh-- pssh-- he was right behind me a second ago."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "There's something strange going on-- "
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| '''Jason:''' [Interrupting]: "He went to slop the hogs."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Slop the hogs?"
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| '''Jason:''' "Yeah."
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| '''Fiducius's Voice:''' "Really?"
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| '''Jason:''' "Yeah."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Slop the hogs."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Very well. Get to work."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Slop the hogs?"
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| '''Jason:''' "It was the only thing I could think of!"
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Hmm-- slop the hogs."
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| '''Jason:''' "He didn't believe me. That really burns me up!"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Let's hope I can get there first."
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| '''Jason:''' "Is there no trust anymore?"
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| '''Cheiron:''' "Are the oats fresh today?"
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| '''I-Disguised:''' "Uh-- you bet."
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| '''Cheiron:''' "Fine. I'll have the, uh-- vegetarian stuffed grape leaves, and a side order of oats. Thanks."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Thank you."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Iolaus-- you owe me so big-time."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Oh! Iolaus, is that you?"
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| '''Hercules/Iolaus:''' "Uh-- yes. Yes, sir."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "You really throw yourself into your work, don't you, boy?"
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| '''Hercules/Iolaus:''' [Laughs]: "Yes, sir."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "I gotta say, it's better than that cologne you were wearing. Carry on. Just-- wash up before you come back in, huh?"
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| '''Hercules/Iolaus:''' "Yes, sir, huh."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Hey, what are _you_ lookin' at, Porky?"
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| '''Cadet:''' "Dickens is pretty strice about a dress code, here."
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| '''Kora:''' "What's going on? Why are you hiding from him?"
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Hiding? Ffff! What do you mean, hiding?"
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| '''Man:''' "Hey! My hat!"
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| '''Kora:''' "Hmm. So?"
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| '''Cheiron:''' "Waiter! More water, please."
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| '''Kora:''' "Mmmm. Mmm."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Hey."
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| '''Jason:''' "Oh-- don't scare me like that. Hey, what happened?"
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| '''Hercules:''' "Oh-- you won't believe it. I get to the pigpen, right?"
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| '''Jason:''' "Oh, that's great. Hey-- you know what these are?"
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| '''Hercules:''' "No."
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| '''Jason:''' "These are student records."
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| '''Hercules:''' "So?"
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| '''Jason:''' "So-- I just dropped most of the F's."
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| '''Hercules:''' "OK."
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| '''Jason:''' "Flanicci."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Wait."
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| '''Jason:''' "Flaenus."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Oh. Jason-- listen, I-I wouldn't mess with this if I was you, OK?"
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| '''Jason:''' "Ahhh-- here we go-- Pythias Fiducius-- as in, 'Back when my boy, Pythias, went to school'. Let's see if he's the, uh-- hotshot big Daddy says he is."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Jason-- I really think that we should put it back. OK."
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| '''Jason:''' "Whoa."
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| '''Hercules:''' "What? Oh. Incompletes? Look at this. He even got a suspension."
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| '''Jason:''' "So much for 'Mr. Perfect Cadet', huh?"
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| '''Hercules:''' "You know what's weird about this? It doesn't even mention him graduating."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "That's because he didn't."
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| '''Cheiron:''' "Thank you, Kora."
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| '''Kora:''' "Come again."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "So-- how am I doing?"
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| '''Kora:''' "Oh, I'd say you're done."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "You mean, I'm fired?"
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| '''Kora:''' "Nah-- I've just had enough entertainment for one day."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Oh-- great. So, when do I get my pay?"
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| '''Kora:''' "It should just about cover your damages."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Ah. Gotcha."
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| '''Kora:''' "Now, beat it. I'll see ya next week."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Thanks-- boss."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "He was a good boy, once-- good student. Made me proud. Then he started getting into scrapes-- small ones at first. I went easy on him-- covered for him-- let him get away with things. He got wilder and wilder-- uncontrollable. I didn't know what to do with him. One day-- he just ran away. You wonder why I'm so hard on you boys. It's because I don't want the same thing to happen to you. I don't want to let you down-- the way I did him."
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| '''Hercules:''' "You can't keep blaming yourself for your son's mistakes. Eventually, you have to let him take responsibility for himself."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "I wish I could. Perhaps when you have children of your own, you'll understand."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Maybe. But I do know that-- I would be the luckiest kid in the world if I had a father who cared about me as you care care about him."
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Huh?"
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Oh-- uh, sorry. I'll come back later."
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| '''Hercules:''' "Iolaus. Uh, listen-- Fiducius. We had to go, OK? He has a job."
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| '''Jason:''' "We said we'd do his work for him."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Yeah, yeah-- don't blame them. It was my fault."
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| '''Cheiron:''' "So-- how did it go, today?"
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| '''Fiducius:''' "Not quite-- as I expected. But they worked hard. They're good boys."
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| '''Cheiron:''' "Sometimes it's the teacher that learns a lesson. Enjoy the rest of your day. Oh-- one more thing. Iolaus-- "
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| '''Iolaus:''' [Clears throat]: "U-uh-- ye-yes, sir?"
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| '''Cheiron:''' "Your tip."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "Hey!"
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| '''Jason:''' "You owe me."
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| '''Iolaus:''' "For-- ? Oh-- of course."
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| '''Hercules:''' "It's OK. You can buy another dinner, all right?"
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| [[Category:Scripts]] | | [[Category:Scripts]] |
