A Lady in Hades Transcript (Novelization)

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[TEASER]

Ja: "Hey! I'll shine your shoes for a dinar, tough guy!" [Laughs]

H: "Hi, Jason."

Ja: "I've been lookin' all _over_ for you! It's festival time!"

H: "Yeah, uh, listen-- I'm kinda busy, right now-- OK?"

Ja: "I got tickets for the dunk booth. Guess who's inside? Initials, `E-- olaus'."

H: "Yeah. Um-- I'm not really feelin'-- really festive, right now."

Ja: "What's wrong?"

H: "Nothin'. Nothin'."

Ja: "It's Eurydice, isn't it?"

H: "Yeah. She saved my life, you know? And I wasn't able to save hers."

Ja: "Hercules-- if she didnt' meet you-- she'd be trapped as a slave to Bacchus forever. You freed her. What is it?"

H: "Uh-- Jason-- "

Ja: "You're goin' to Lake Olympus, aren't ya?"

H: "Yes-- and if you're my friend, you won't try and stop me."

Ja: "You can't!"

H: "You know the legend. Now, if I swim deep enough, I'll come up on the other side-- right at the mouth of the River Styx."

Ja: "Eurydice's gone. You going down there is not gonna change that."

H: "I know that. But I may be able to help her before it's too late."

Ja: "How can you help?"

H: "I can plead her case before she's judged."

Ja: "Look-- first of all, you're alive. Living people aren't allowed on the other side. Second of all-- she's a Bacchae. All Bacchae go to Tartarus."

H: "She reformed, all right? She's a good person, now, and she deserves to go to the Elysian Fields."

Ja: "Wait."

H: "Why? You can't stop me."

Ja: "No, but I can come with you."

H [Whispers]: "OK."

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H: "It's just not fair. Bacchus made Eurydice one of his slaves in the first place. But he's a god, so she's gotta pay the price?"

Ja: "Are you sure you're Uncle Hades isn't gonna mind us just droppin' in?"

H [Sighs]: "I don't know. I haven't met him yet."

Ja: "Great-- the god of the other side determines where we spend eternity, and you just wanna drop by unannounced."

H: "Eh-- I'm goin', Jason."

Ja: "Just checkin'."

H: "There it is, Lake Olympus. Together on three, OK?" [Sighs]

Ja and H: "Three."

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Ja: "That was weird-- swimmin' down to the surface."

H: "I can't believe it. We made it to the other side, huh?"

Ja: "The party hasn't started yet."

H: "Oh."

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[ACT I]

H: "Ooh."

Charon [Cha]: "Come on, you guys-- get a move on. Got a schedule to keep."

H: "OK."

Cha [Sniffs]: "Wait a minute. Hmm. You're not dead. Get outta here."

H's Voice: "Listen. Uh-- "

H: "Uh-- you must be _Cha_ron."

Cha: "`Sharon'? What, do I look like a showgirl? Huh?! You want I should do a bubble dance?! Cha-_ron_."

H: "Cha-_ron_-- well, um-- y-you run the boat for, uh-- dead souls to the other side, right? Well-- we need your help."

Cha: "Executive officer in charge of transport-- aquatic division-- foist [sic] class-- punk! And I _don't_-- help-- the living!"

Ja: "Uh-- hey, Mr. Executive-officer-of-- transportation-and-- whatever-- uh-- he's here to see his uncle."

Cha: "Get outta here."

H: "Uh-- "

Ja: "His uncle's Hades-- and his father's Zeus."

Cha: "Are you really Zeus' kid?"

H: "Um, yeah-- Hercules. Nice to meetcha."

Cha: "Ahh-- all right. Get on the boat. But _he_ can't! Hades'd rip my arms off and-- beat me with the soggy end if I let a living mortal come down the river."

H: "Oh-hhh."

Cha: "Besides-- he'd put too much weight in the boat. I'd never be able to row it. I got arthritis. I got bur-sitis. And I'm not even gonna _tell_ ya about my bunions-- or the pain in my liver-- I wouldn't wish it on Prometheus. And then-- I got this-- kind of cyst-boil thing that squirts-- "

H [Interrupting]: "Whoa! OK! OK-- let's make a deal. You let my friend, Jason, come with us-- I'll do all the rowing. Huh? You could just sit back-- relax-- what do you say?"

Cha: "Well-- "

H: "Dah, well, and-and, Jason will rub your-your bunions-- "

Ja: "What?"

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Minos: "It is time to decide the fate-- of the mortal-- Sarah. Will she spend eternity in the blissful paradise-- of the Elysian Fields? Or-- will she be condemned-- to Tartarus?"

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H: "Ooh. Thanks very much."

Cha: "Hey, hey-- w-- wait a minute. Uh-- Hercules. We're way ahead 'a schedule. Want a job?"

H: "Oh. Huh-- no, thanks. Listen, we gotta run, OK? No time for talkin'."

Cha: "What about `Bunion Boy'?"

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Eurydice [Eur]: "Sarah was a good person! She didn't wanna be a Bacchae! No one does! Please! Don't send her to Tartarus!"

Minos [Slowly]: "All Bacchae are condemned to Tartarus. And-- that includes you, Eurydice."

H: "No. No!"

Eur: "Hercules."

H: "Wait!"

Eur: "Hercules! Ahhh! Ahh! Ahh!"

H: "Eurydice! Hi."

Eur: "Hi!"

H: "Don't worry. I won't let go."

Minos: "_Who_ are you?!"

H: "I'm Hercules! And I _demand_ to see my Uncle Hades!"

Hades: "I am Hades! Who dares to invoke my name?"

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Hades: "Did you really come all this way and expect special treatment because you're the-- privileged-- son of Zeus?"

H: "No."

Ja: "Actually, he spent most of his privileged life-- being ignored-- by his father."

Hades: "Is that true?"

H: "Uhhhhh-- the Fates can be cruel. Look what they did to you."

Hades: "You're telling me. My brother, Zeus, gets to be-- king of all gods. My other brother, Poseidon-- gets to be god of the sea. I get-- god of the other side-- hangin' around for eternity with nothin' but dead people. Doesn't seem fair."

H: "Neither is sending Eurydice to Tartarus when she deserves to go to the Elysian Fields. But I'm not asking you for special favors `cause I'm your nephew, OK? I'm just- asking you to be fair."

Hades: "She was a Bacchae. She did evil things for an evil god. All Bacchae go to Tartarus."

H: "Why is that? You know, I mean, i-it sounds like you just made up that rule `cause you don't like Bacchus, or somethin'."

Hades: "So, what if I did? The guy's the biggest worm in the family."

H: "So, why're ya takin' it out on his victims? The only reason Eurydice's here is because she gave her life to save mine."

Hades: "A worthy sacrifice, I agree. Eurydice-- at the time of your judgment-- you didn't beg forgiveness for yourself. You spoke out for-- mortal Sarah-- another Bacchae. Why?"

Eur: "Uh-- I lured her to Bacchus. She doesn't deserve to suffer forever."

Hades: "You sound sincere."

Hades' Voice: "But there's a test."

H: "Oh, a test?"

Hades: "To see if you're truly sorry for the things you did as a Bacchae."

Hades's Voice: "If you're-- worthy-- for forgiveness."

Hades: "There's someone in the Elysian Fields you need to meet."

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Hades: "You must seek out a woman by the name of-- Cynthea. She's the mother of Sarah-- a girl you lured into Bacchus' evil service. If you can earn the woman's-- forgiving embrace-- then you'll be allowed to remain the Elysian Fields, forever."

H: "What if she can't?"

Hades: "Tartarus. Because you're half Olympian god, you may accompany her to the Elysian Fields."

Ja: "Hey! What about me?"

Hades: "Huh! You can't be serious!"

Ja: "Huh. Sir-- have you ever been in love?"

Hades: "No-- sadly, I-- have not.

Ja: "Well, I haven't, either. But from what I hear, it makes people do some pretty foolish things."

Hades: "Such as?"

Ja: "Such as-- rowin' down the River Styx. Such as-- takin' on your elite guards. Such as-- messin' with an-- Olympian god as-- powerful and-- as handsome-- as yourself."

Hades: "Hmm. Foolish things, all of them. I-- agree."

Ja: "Yeah, well? Then, let me go with them. I can keep an eye on your fool-in-love nephew, and make sure he doesn't do any foolish things in the Elysian Fields."

Hades' Voice: "Very well."

Hades: "Ex-Bacchae in the Elysian Fields. Living mortals running around the place like it was a tourist attraction. Maybe I should just open it up to everyone and-- charge admission. You-- Eurydice, and-- Jason-- may go to the Elysian Fields. And remain there-- until the sand-- has run its course. Return here-- through the gateway."

H: "Wh-whoa. What if we don't?"

Hades: "Then you are condemned to Tartarus-- forever."

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[ACT II]

Ja's Voice: "So, this is the Elysian Fields, huh?"

Ja: "Father."

Eur's Voice: "Whatever happens-- "

Eur: "-- thank you-- for caring enough to try to help me."

H: "I'd do anything for you."

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Ja: "Father!"

Aeson: "Ah. Jason?"

Ja [Laughing]: "Father!"

Aeson: "Jason? Oh, my son! My son! Oh! Oh, how I've missed you! But, no-- no, no, no. It was not your _time_, Son. You were supposed to lead Corinth-- to live your full life."

Ja: "But, Father-- I'm alive. I'm here with a friend. He's-- he's Hades' nephew, and-- uh-they gave us permission to come to the other side!"

Aeson: "Well, well, well! Thank the Fates!"

Ja: "Oh! Oh, Father! We only have a short time and there-- there's so much I wanna talk to you about."

Aeson: "Come, tell me all!"

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Eur: "That's her-- "

Eur's Voice: "-- Sarah's mother, Cynthea."

H: "Oh, uh-- good luck. Go."

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Aeson: "How are things in Corinth?"

Ja: "Great. The harvests are plentiful. People are workin'. I just negotiated a trade agreement with the Athenians."

Aeson: "The Athenians, huh? Their king, Claudius, he's a cheat, now. He's not to be trusted."

Ja: "The Claudius that you knew has passed away. I deal with his son."

Aeson: "Hmm-- I see."

Ja: "Wow. People of Corinth miss you, Father. I miss you."

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Cynthea [Cyn]: "My baby's been sent to Tartarus-- because she was a Bacchae-- because of _you_."

Eur: "I'm sorry."

Eur's Voice: "None of us-- meant to help Bacchus hurt people. I was like Sarah. I thought Bacchus was an answer to all my problems."

Cyn: "If you were like Sarah, then why are you still here?! Why were _you_ spared?!"

Eur [Sighs]: "I haven't been spared. I'm-- so sorry for the pain I've caused you. I don't know how to fix it."

Cyn: "You can't!"

Eur: "If I could trade places with your daughter-- I would."

H: "I can fix it."

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Hades: "Hercules! You're early!"

H: "I know that we just met-- and I know that I have no right to ask you for special favors."

Hades: "That's right."

H: "But spare Sarah's soul."

Hades: "A soul can't leave its place of final judgment."

H: "But it can be traded. They haven't passes judgment on me, yet. Take me in Sarah's place."

Hades: "It's not your time. Besides-- no one sacrifices themselves for another."

H: "Eurydice did."

Hades: "You know the rules. All Bacchae go to Tartarus."

H: "Uncle Hades-- it is _wrong_ to condemn people after they've changed for the good. Now, you can prove yourself to be an even greater god than my father, Zeus. He doesn't care about mortals-- but you do. Give them-- a chance-- to change."

Hades: "Greater than Zeus."

H's Voice: "Yeah."

H: "The legend of your compassion will sweep the world."

Hades: "My image could use a boost. Well-- there's the gate to Tartarus. I accept your terms. Sacrifice yourself, and-- Sarah is saved."

H: "Thank you. Goodbye."

Eur: "Hercules! No! Nooo! Oh, let it be me! Take me! "

Hades: "It is done."

Eur: "Uh! You had _no_ right! I can't let him suffer for me!"

Hades: "So, you both meant it. Such courage is rare. Perhaps people can change and become worthy of the Elysian Fields."

Eur's Voice: "Thank you."

Eur: "Thank you so much."

Hades' Voice: "Come along."

Hades: "This is your lucky day."

Sarah: "What happened? Where are we going?"

Eur: "I have to go, now."

H: "Um-- let me walk you home?"

Eur: "Yeah."

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Aeson: "Aah-- don't be sad. I'm happy here. And I know you'll make a great king."

Ja: "Of course, I will. I'm your son. I love you."

Aeson: "And I love you, Son. I love you-- forever."

Ja: "Forever."

Aeson: "Go on. Go on."

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Eur: "I'll never forget what you just did for me."

H: "It was nothing compared to what you did for me."

Eur: "I miss you already, Hercules."

H: "Be happy. That's all I ever wanted for you."

Eur: "I know. And now I can be, thanks to you."

H: "Jason. Jason."

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Sarah: "Oh, Mother!"

Cyn: "Sarah!"

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Hades: "Hercules-- nephew-- you've given me a lot to think about."

H: "I've learned a lot from you, too, Uncle Hades. There you go. Hey, listen, we gotta get goin'."

Hades: "Let me save you the trip."

Ja: "Whoa. I'm not rubbin' this guy's bunions."

H: "Wait, no. No, no, no. Just wait. Come on. Hit me."

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Ja: "Whoo! Yes! That was awesome!"

H: "I've always wanted to do that! Goodbye."

Ja's Voice: "Come on, Hercules."