The Lure of the Lyre Transcript (Novelization)

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[TEASER]

[Oulos [sp?] playing in background]

Orpheus [Or]: “Hmm? I didn’t realize I had an audience.”

H: “Ah-- you’re Orpheus, right? I think I’ve seen you play at Kora’s.”

Or: “And you’re one of the cadets from the academy.”

H: “Ah-- Hercules-- nice to meetcha. And that’s a nice-sounding oulos you got there. You make it yourself?”

Or: “No, it was a gift, actually-- from Bacchus.”

H: “From Bacchus? Who’s Bacchus?”

Or: “You don’t know him?”

H: “Hmm.”

Or: “Oh, you have to meet him. Bacchus is the god of good times. With Bacchus on your side, you can kiss your cares goodbye. Come on. I’ll take you to him.”

H: “Oh-oh-- I-I don’t know. I kinda-- gotta get back to the academy, you know? School, so-- ”

Or: “Come on, you can go to the academy any time.”

H: “Uhhhhh-- I’ll see ya later, OK?”

Or: “How often do ya get to meet one of the sons of Zeus?”

H: “Bacchus is the son ’a Zeus?”

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Or: “Here we are.”

H: “Oh-ho-ho-- oh-oh. Orpheus-- when you’re right, you’re right. This place is amazing. Uh-- so-- when do I get to meet Bacchus?”

Bacchus [Bac]: “Right now.” [Chuckles]

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[ACT I]

Or: “Bacchus? May I present Hercules?”

H: “Hi.”

Bac: “Hercules-- son of Zeus.”

H: “Oh, yeah-- that’s me.”

Bac: “Welcome to our little community. My home-- is your home. After all, we are family. You see, Zeus is my father, too.”

H: “Y-yeah, um-- have you met him?”

Bac: “We can discuss our celestial parent, later-- but right now-- ”

Eurydice [Eur]: “Right now, it’s time Hercules got the grand tour. Wouldn’t you say, Bacchus?”

Bac: “Thank you-- Eurydice.”

Eur: “The pleasure is all mine.”

H: “Oh-h-h-h.”

Eur: “Hercules?”

Bac: “Good work, Orpheus.”

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H: “Hey, what’s that? It’s beautiful.”

Eur: “Isn’t it? The gilded spring is said to come straight from the center of the Earth. Don’t.”

H: “Why not?”

Eur: “It’s poisonous. But, Bacchus says that it’s so beautiful, he can’t bear to cover it over. Bacchus believes that-- pleasure-- and freedom-- are what all creatures should live for. No rules-- no fears-- no regrets. Your academy is all training-- and studying-- no fun. Be one of us, Hercules. Forever-ever.”

Bac: [Laughs]

H: “Uh-- I should get goin’. Yeah-- uh, it’s getting kinda late.”

Eur: “Don’t go. Join us, Hercules. Be part of our family. I want you to.”

H: “Thank you very much-- for showing me around. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Bac: “Please-- think of these caverns as your home away from home. When the pressures of life get too much, feel free to come here-- and relax.”

H: “Sure. Yeah.”

Bac: “And bring your friends.”

H: “I will. Goodbye. Goodbye.”

Bac [Yells]: “We were so close. We almost had him.”

Or: “Uh-- we’re-- we’re-we’re sorry, Bacchus.”

Eur: “If he comes back-- ”

Or: “When he comes back-- ”

Bac: “He will have his friends with him. Then we’ll see how hard he is to persuade.”

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I: “Ah-- Hercules. Where have you been? You met a girl? Oh! Uh.”

H: “Yeah.”

I: “Really? You met a girl and you didn’t tell me? I’m crushed. I’m heartbroken.”

Lilith [Lil]: “Yeah, well, keep your guard up-- or that’s not all that’ll be broken-- OK?”

I: “Oh, Herc-- come on. Tell me. Don’t make me hurt you.”

H: “OK-- you two ever heard of Bacchus?”

I: “Bacchus-- oh, yeah. He’s a-- Cyclops-- works for Ares.”

H: “No-- not even close. He’s the god ’a good times. His cavern’s not far from here. You know what? You two should really check it out.”

H’s Voice: “What?”

H: “What, you don’t believe me?”

I: “Uh, let me put it this way-- no.”

Lil’s Voice: “Your idear [sic] of a good party?”

Lil: “That’s to play-- ‘Pin the tail on the Centaur’.”

I’s Voice: “Yeah, Lilith’s right, Herc. Uh-- we do kinda want a second opinion.”

H: “Sssssss. Well-- fine then. [Ed. note-- this first part was dubbed. I can’t read H’s lips to figure out the original.] You know what? There’s lots of good food there.”

I: “They got good food here. Well, they-- they have food here.”

H: “And there’s lotsa interesting artwork.”

Lil: “Hey-hey! That’s what _I_ always look for in a good party.”

H: “There’s girls. Hey-- where you goin’?”

I: “You said-- girls-- right?”

H: “Well, yeah.”

I: “I’m there.”

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I: “Aw, man, Jas’ll be mad he missed out on this, huh?”

H: “Yeah, well-- that’s what he gets for going to king school, right?”

I: “Uh-huh.”

H: “All right.”

Bac: “Welcome back, Hercules. And thank you for bringing your-- charming friends.”

Lil: “I’ve never seen anything like this, before.”

Bac: “Really? Please-- let me show you around.”

I’s Voice: “Never fails, huh?”

I: “Chicks always dig guys with horns.”

Girl: “May I have this dance?”

I: “Ooh. [Whispers] I love you.”

H: “Oh-- Eurydice.”

Eur: “Hi.”

H’s Voice: “Hi. Uh.”

Eur: “Come dance.”

H: “Uh-- thanks.”

Eur: “I’m really glad you came back.”

H: “Oh. Thanks. Me, too. There’s sum’in’ wrong. Iolaus. We gotta get outta here.”

I: “Oh. Oh, Herc. Come on. For once, you were right about a party, you know? Come on. Ease up, man.”

H: “I’m telling you. I got a funny feelin’ about this-- and we gotta go-- now-- OK?”

I: “OK.”

H: “OK.”

I: “Let’s go.”

H: “Get Lilith.”

I: “I’m sorry.”

H: “Nooooooooo!”

Bac: “Hear me, my Bacchae-- after them. Stop them, my Bacchae! If you don’t bring them back, you’ll all suffer!”

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Bac: “That goes for you, too, Orpheus. Your job is to get humans to fill the ranks of my Bacchae. That is the one-- and only reason-- that you’re not a Bacchae-- yet. Now, go!”

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H: “They changed into wolves. Hurry up!”

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H’s Voice: “Open the gates!”

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Cheiron: “What happened?”

I: “Uh-- we just left a party that got a little too strange.”

Lil: “Another one of Hercules’ bizarre relatives?”

I: “Yeah, this one had horns.”

Cheiron: “Bacchus.”

H [Whispers]: “Yeah.”

Cheiron: “Count yourselves lucky you escaped his cult.”

H’s Voice: “Cult?”

Cheiron: “The Bacchae live for the whims of their master.”

H: “They tried to suck us into their little cult.”

Cheiron: “Legend has it that in moments of extreme excitement, the Bacchae transform into wolves.”

I: “Oh, well-- that’s the last time I let you pick the party.”

H: “Hey-- don’t worry about it, OK? Next time I see that two-face Orpheus, he’ll be playin’ that lyre with his toes.”

I: “Hmm-- and so much for your new girlfriend.”

H: “Whoa, whoa! You OK?”

Lil: “I f-- feel woo-woozy.”

Cheiron: “The mark of the Bacchae. Come sundown-- she’ll belong to Bacchus.”

H: “We’ll see about that.”

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[ACT II]

H: “Doin’ some more recruiting, Orpheus?”

Or: “Hercules-- look. You gotta understand-- I-I-I had no choice.”

H: “Hey. Save it. All right? I only wanna know one thing from you. One thing! How do I stop Lilith from becoming-- a Bacchae?”

Or: “There’s no way. She belongs to Bacchus, now. Uh.”

H: “That’s not what I wanted to hear.”

Or: “Only Bacchus knows the cure. All right. All right. Some of the Bacchae remember a story-- a kind of-- riddle about-- washing your spirit clean. Nobody knows what it means.”

H: “Well-- we’re goin’ back there-- and you’re coming with us.”

Bac’s Voice: “The son of Zeus will be perfect for my purpose.”

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Bac: “With him as my lieutenant-- I can use you-- and the other Bacchae to build an empire-- an empire-- which you and I will share, Eurydice-- once I make Hercules join us.”

H’s Voice: “Give it your best shot.”

Eur’s Voice: “Orpheus”

Bac: “Hercules.”

H: “Here’s the deal. You and me-- right here-- right now! If you win-- I’ll become a Bacchae, but if I win, you cure Lilith-- and we walk away.”

Bac: “I have you, already. Why should I agree to this?”

I: “Uh, your innate sense of decency and fair play?”

Bac: “Hmm.”

H: “Come on-- unless you’re afraid.”

Bac [Laughs]: “Very well, Hercules-- I could do with the exercise.”

[Fight]

I: “He’d better hurry up. We’re losing the sun.”

Bac: “What, am I?! Alone here?! Get him! Grab them.”

Eur: “We can’t let this go on.”

I: “This was supposed to be just you and Hercules! One-on-one!”

Bac: “Life is full of disappointments. Bbite him now, before the sun sets. What are you doing?! Stop! Or be destroyed!”

I: “Eurydice? She’s helping us?”

Eur: “Oh, no you don’t.”

Bac: [Yells]

H: “The spring. ‘Wash your spirit clean. Wash your spirit clean.’ It’s poisonous to you, not to us. Lilith!”

I: “Come on! We gotta go! All right, Herc. She’s changing. Come on.”

H [Sighs]: “Are you OK?”

Lil: “Yeah-- yeah, I think so.”

I: “Uh-- we shoud-- probably get goin’-- yeah?”

H: “Yeah. Hey-- you comin’? Huh? Come on.”

Bac: “Stop them!”

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Lil’s Voice: “You think Bacchus will go and let them live in peace?”

I: “Ah, I don’t care-- just as long as they don’t come back here, the-- crazy-- yellow-eyed, wolf-- girls. Man, that place was _not_ as advertised.”

Lil: “Think about it, Iolaus. I mean, that could’ve been me-- trapped in that cult, forever-- living my life as that monster’s slave.”

I: “Yeah. Well, we should know better than to let Hercules pick our parties-- right?” [Chuckles]

H: “Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

I’s Voice: “You OK?”

H: “Yeah.”

I: “Orpheus and Eurydice will be fine.”

H [Sighs]: “Just great.”