Amazon Grace Transcript (Novelization)

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[TEASER]

Ja: "They thought everything was quiet-- and then it came again-- that eerie, scrathing sound. So the knave and the maiden sped off in the chariot. And when they got home-- they found the monster's hook-- _stuck_ in the side of the chariot! Rrrrahhhhhhh!"

H: "Last time I heard that, it was a farm boy and a peasant girl in an oxcart."

I [Laughs]: "You know, I got a scary, too. Takes place in a-- forest-- not unlike this. In fact-- it could be on this very path. There were-- two, no, there were three young warriors returning from Troy."

H [Interrupting]: "Right. OK. Uh-huh?"

I: "Then they heard this noise [Screeching sound in background]-- kinda like that."

H: "What was it-- a Minotaur, or a Cyclops or somethin'?"

I: "Yeah, your-your stomach growling?"

I: "A-ha! No-- it was harpies-- half-women-half-bird-beasts that-- swoop down and-- tear the flesh from your bones."

Ja [Mockingly]: "Did they have-- feathers-- like-like armor?"

H [Mockingly]: "W-- was it impossible to kill?"

I: "Yeah, yeah, yeah-- laugh all you want. I swear it's true-- swooped right down on them-- on the path."

H: "Hey-- Iolaus. Iolaus!"

I: "What?"

H: "You sleep through scouting class? That marker means, ‘No trespassing'."

I: "So? It's a shortcut. What? Son of a god and future king are a little scared?"

Ja: "I don't break laws just ‘cause it's convenient."

H: "Wait up [?]."

I: "Oh."

H: "We'll meet you back at the academy, all right?"

I: "OK, well, I'll see you later-- you chicken."

---

I: "Ooh. Ow. Ooh. Whoa! Whoa! Harpies?"

---

I's Voice: "Hercules?!"

---

[Fight]

I: Ooh! Oh!"

H: "Iolaus!"

Ja: "Nice shorcut, Iolaus!"

Cyane: "Hercules? Ah."

H: "Cyane."

I: "Amazons?"

Cyane: "Uh-- you can-- let me up, now."

H: "Oh. Yeah."

Cyane: "OK."

---

[ACT I]

Ja: "Hey, listen up, everybody. Excuse me-- guys? OK-- now that we have everyone's complete attention, I'd like you to meet some friends of ours."

H: "Fellow cadests-- this is Cyane. She's, uh, the leader of the Amazon tribe."

I: "And you guys said we couldn't meet any girls."

Cyane: "Who's in charge, here?"

Al_Bruce: "There she is."

Male Voice: "Ah-- [Clears throat]"

Cyane: "We are honored to meet someone who has undertaken the difficult task in turning these boys into warriors."

Lilith [Lil]: "Oh-- I'm not master of this academy. I'm Lilith. I'm a cadet."

Cheiron's Voice: "Why do I not hear the sounds of practice?"

Al_Bruce: "Oh-- he sent a centaur to announce his arrival. Personally, I find them lowly _beasts_-- but they make good servants."

H [Clears throat, then whispers]: "Uh-- Cheiron is our leader."

Al_Bruce: "A centaur?"

Cheiron: "At your service."

H: "Cheiron, um-- I've offered Cyane our hospitality in their search for a new homeland."

Cheiron: "You are welcome. The ancient feud between centaur and Amazon is best left in the past."

Cyane: "We accept your offer, Centaur. Our fight is with the accursed Zeus, and not with you."

H: "Uh-- you know, I heard that Zeus can actually be a good guy-- well, once you get to know him."

Lil: "Come on. I'll show you guys where you can put your gear."

I: "Uh-- can I get that for you? Oh! Ah! Ooh. You see that? That was a _love_ tap. She _likes_ me some."

Ja: "I don't know. I think I'd-- go with Hercules' technique of-- keepin' a sense of mystery."

I: "Mystery? Oh, _you_ haven't told her that Zeus is your father, have you?"

H: "I will, OK?"

Ja: "And when would that be?"

H: "When the time is right. Excuse me."

I: "Yeah, right."

---

H: "Well-- that concludes the first part of our tour. Anybody have any questions?"

Lil's Voice: "Pass it here!"

Cyane: "Is that a pig's bladder they're kicking?"

H: "Uh-- uh-- yeah-- it's filled with water. It's one of Cheiron's foot drills."

Ja: "You guys wanna give it a try? A little, uh-- coed competition?"

H [Laughs]: "I don't think that's a good idea, Jason."

I: "Come on-- girls against guys."

Cyane: "Is she one of the guys?"

I: "Uh, she's a-- she's-- "

Lil: "A cadet. Let's play."

Ja: "Whoa-- whooooaaaaaa-- Herc!"

Cadets' Voices: "All right." "I got it."

I: "Go, Herc!"

Ja's Voice: "Cross it! Hercules, cross it!"

Cadet's Voice: "Pass it! Pass it over here, Hercules! Pass it on!"

H: "Oo-oop! Oh!"

Cyane: "Is this how it's played? Excellent move-- worthy of an Amazon!"

Cadet's Voice: "Pass it back."

I: "Hmm."

Lil: "Come on. Come on."

Ja: "Lilith!"

Lil: "Jason!"

Cadets' Voices: "Yeah!" "Yes!" "All right! Stay behind the wall!" "Pass it! Pass it!" "I got it! I got it!" "Nice play!"

I: "OK [Clears throat]-- let's call it a tie."

---

Cyane: "Have you seen Hercules?"

Lil: "No. Care to join me in my javelin drills?"

Cyane: "Sure. So-- why do you train with-- boys?"

Lil: "Well-- I wanted to be a warrior. There was no academy for women, so I came here. It's the best. I'm just having a little trouble fitting in."

Cyane: "An Amazon warrior takes pride in who she is, now how she fits in with others."

H: "Whoa! I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Cyane: "Hercules-- I've been looking for you. There's something I have to tell you."

H: "Well, good-- I've been lookin' for you, too."

Cyane: "Last night, Ares gave Simuler [sic] a sign in her dreams-- a land we can settle as our own, about a-- day's ride to the northeast. So, tonight, there's gonna be a big celebration."

I: "Ooh, did I hear, party? I'm there."

Cyane: "And for one cadet volunteer, it's gonna be a very special evening."

I: "Uh, uh, and-- that-- would be me."

---

Ja: "Well, I guess you haven't found the right time to talk."

H: "Not with you too butting in all the time."

I: "Hey." [Ja and H laugh.] "What? Come on, they painted me to represent the male in the Amazon culture. It's colorful."

H: "Yeah, and practically useless."

Ja: "Oh, they couldn't have found a better representative."

Cyane: "Hey, Hercules-- dance with me?"

H: "Oh, huh! I don't think so. You see, I'm more of a fighter-- not really a dancer."

Cyane: "Oh-- well, you can't fight me, because you'd lose. Come on!"

H: "OK."

Ja and I: "Ooh."

I: "Hey-- check this out. So-- what's your sign."

Amazon: "‘No trespassing.'"

Ja [Laughs]: "He shoots-- he misses!"

I: "Ha-ha! Well, I don't see _you_ with anybody."

Ja: "Well, that's ‘cause they're Amazons. If they were any other type of woman-- they'd be all over me."

I: "Yeah, whatever. Well, it looks like Herc's doin' OK."

Ja: "Yeah, he is."

H: "Listen, I, um--got som'in' I wanna tell you before you leave."

Cyane: "Well-- go ahead. You don't have to be shy with me."

H: "Zeus is my father."

Cyane [Laughing]: "Oh, yeah-- very funny. You _know_ how I hate Zeus."

H: "I tried to tell you."

Cyane: "You're not kidding."

H: "Cyane--"

Cyane: "What part of your father's plot is all this?"

H: "Listen-- "

Cyane: "No!"

H: "Cyane! I'm not like my father! My-- "

Cyane [Interrupting]: "Yeah, well, I don't believe you!"

I: "Bad luck, big guy."

Ja: "Ahh, don't worry about it, Hercules. She would've found out anyway."

Cyane's Voice: [Screams]

---

H: "What's goin' on here?"

Leeseus [Lee]: "I'm Leeseus-- the king of Athens. This woman belongs to me."

---

[ACT II]

Lee: Hold it-- right there!"

Ja: "Leeseus."

Lee: "Jason, my old friend."

I: "Whoa, did I miss something?"

Ja: "This is Hercules-- one of the best fighters at the academy."

H: "We've met."

Ja: "And Iolaus."

I: "Hey."

Lee: "So, Jason-- how the heck are you?"

Ja: "I'd be better if you didn't have that woman stuck in the net."

Lee: "Don't be concerned-- it's a minor matter. They're runaway slaves."

Cyane: "We belong to no one."

H: "They were tricked. They were captured by Zared and his pack of slavers."

Cyane: "I have Zeus to thank for this."

Cheiron: "You're forgetting, Leeseus. As guests-- the Amazons are under the protection of the academy."

Lee: "Ah-- you must be Cheiron. Your reputation for bravery and wisdom is well known. Don't get involved in this. If you do-- I would be forced to destroy your academy."

H: "Wait. This is all my fault. I invited Cyane here."

Lee: "Good-- then you can uninvite her and the matter is settled."

I: "Whoa, you can't take the Amazons! No one should be anyone else's property!"

Ja: "Leeseus has a contract. In the eyes of the law he's right."

Cyane: "But the law is wrong!"

Cheiron: "Allow us 24 hours to offer an answer."

Lee: "Fine-- 24 hours-- but it'll do ya no good."

---

I: "Slavery's wrong, Jas-- what's your problem?"

Ja: "Without laws, all people are slaves to chaos."

---

Ja: "Here are the scrolls."

H: "Is that all there is about combat by champion?"

I: "What? This isn't enough? Come on, there's gotta be something there we can use against, uh-- Jason's old buddy."

Ja: "It may be wrong, Iolaus, but the law is on his side, and you can't just ignore the law."

I: "Oh, yeah? Watch me!"

Ja: "Oh, yeah?!"

I: "Yeah!"

Ja and I: "Ooh!"

H: "Can you guys just knock it off, please?! I'm gonna need both of you if this is gonna have any chance to work."

---

H's Voice: "I think I have a solution. You were right when you said that we should obey the law."

H: "But-- you were right when you said that people should not be slaves. Therefore, a fair solution is-- the tradition of champions."

H's Voice: "Combat by champions is a test of skill on the ropes."

H: "First one to knock their opponent to the ground, wins. Now-- if it's Leeseus' champion-- the Amazons become his servants, but-- if it's Cyane's champion-- the Amazons go free."

Cyane: "I don't need a champion. The queen of the Telaquire Amazons fights her own battles."

H: "Leeseus?"

Lee: "Yes, I'd like a champion. I choose-- you, Hercules."

I: "What?"

Ja: "Hercules?"

H: "Me as your champion?"

Lee: "You wanted the rules of champions. By the way, you know, if you lose-- you serve me in place of the Amazons. That's how it works."

Lil: "Can he do that?"

Ja: "Don't worry. Hercules knows what he's doin'."

H: "Well-- we're all agreed. I'm ready to start."

Cyane: "I warned you. You don't wanna fight me. You'll lose."

Cheiron: "Begin."

[Fight]

Lee: "Come on, Hercules!"

Lil: "Wow-- Cyane is an _incredible_ warrior."

Cyane: "If ya haven't got the heart for battle, you should never have agreed to be champion."

H: "Well-- it seemed like a good idea at the time."

Al_Bruce: "Come on, Cyane!"

Cyane: "Ha-ha. Ha!"

Ja: "Yes."

I: "Yeah."

Lee: "Well, Jason-- you were right, as always. He's a worthy champion. Well done, Hercules. Pack your things, ladies."

I: "Uh-- just a minute, Leeseus. I-- think you're forgetting something."

Lee: "And that would be?"

H: "The rules of champions? You see, I win-- I get a reward."

Lee: "Reward. What're you talkin' about?"

Ja [Interrupting]: "It's in the scroll. Sorry about that-- rules are rules."

Lee: "What do you want? Land? Money? A new wing on the academy?"

H: "Abolish slavery in Athens."

Lee: "Y-- you can't ask for that. The Amazons will go free."

H: "Read the law. I can ask for anything I want."

Ja: "Hey-- you remember that one time, your chariot beat mine? You told me, great kings learned from their losses."

I: "And, today was a very expensive lesson."

---

H: "I assume you're eager to settle your new homelands?"

Cyane: "Yeah-- it's gonna be a long, hard journey."

Lil: "Hey-- I would _love_ to join in that journey-- if you'll-- have me. "

Cyane: "Well, of course-- you're welcome."

Lil: "Ohh. Yes."

H: "But she just got here."

Ja: "Women-- they keep you guessin'."

Lil: "Cheiron-- I'm only sorry my training with you will end."

Cheiron: "Every beginning starts at another beginning's end. May you find what you seek with the Amazons."

Cyane: "You know, I never thought I'd say this to a man, Hercules. You've taught me a lesson-- not to-- judge the son by the father."

Al_Bruce's Voice: "Sisters! We leave now!"

H: "I hope our paths cross again."

Cyave: "I do, too."

I: "You know? Guys-- I think I learned something from all this."

H: "You?"

Ja: "What's that?"

I: "This body paint is really hard to get off."